Eientei was managed by a bureaucracy of sorts. At the top of this bureaucracy was Kaguya Houraisan. She has lived for hundreds of years, yet does not appear to have aged past her 20s. Her straight black hair was so long, it reached to her thighs. She wore no hats nor other hair decorations of any kind, letting her hair flow absolutely freely. (A woman without a hat or something else in her hair is viewed as scandalous in Gensokyo.) Her dark brown eyes were a contrast to her light complexion. She wore a pink long-sleeved shirt adorned with white bows down the center, as well as a burgundy skirt that reached to the ground, hiding the shape of her legs from prying eyes. She was of moderate height for a woman.
A lifetime ago, Kaguya was renowned for being beautiful by human standards. Indeed, if this passage were authored by a more . . . biased writer, the above description would be much more verbose, describing her, “flawless, marble black hair, free of loose strands and split ends, and covering her backside, glimmering in a most beauteous light” and her, “sensual, soulful ebony oculars, whose gaze could warm a person’s heart” and her, “radiant skin, free of scars, blemishes, and other imperfections, which shone with an upmost gorgeousness.” Not to mention descriptions of her mammary glands, (“B-cup. And 100% real. And bouncy.”) her legs, (“Smooth and hairless, with ankles that were slim, and thighs that were somewhat voluptuous, the likes of which could incite lust in certain members of the human population.”) her hands, (“Soft, delicate, slender hands, whose touch could reassure even the most downbeat of individuals.”) her overall physique, (“She was slender, with no more body fat than was necessary. She was not muscular, but rather, was soft and squishy, appealing to moe fanboys in doing so.”) and perhaps even a loving description of her voice. (“She had a soft, womanly, lyrical voice, a voice that could lull men and women, human and youkai alike into a peaceful slumber.”) Many hundreds of years later, Kaguya’s supposed perfection had yet to fade. However, she herself is far from perfect.
The reason a bureaucracy even exists in Eientei is because of Kaguya’s unwillingness to do anything for herself. So whenever she wants something done, she delegates to the next in line; Eirin Yagokoro. She was very tall, with long braided silver hair, and sported black eyes. She wore a blue nurse’s cap, and a blue and red nurse’s uniform. Unlike Kaguya, Eirin’s breasts were very large, practically as large as they can be for a woman of her physique. Because she was taller than her superior, (not to mention more prominent in the upper chest region) some people have the mistaken assumption that Eirin is the Eientei ruler, not Kaguya. In truth, the only thing Eirin rules over is maintaining the health of the peoples of Eientei, as well as developing drugs and medicine.
After Eirin, the bureaucracy becomes twisted. There is a clear cut ruler, and a clear cut second-in-command. There is no clear cut third-in-command. At this point, if Eirin wishes to delegate an order, she may do so to either Reisen Udongein Inaba, or Tewi Inaba. Despite their last names, Reisen and Tewi are not related. They’re not even the same race as their superiors. Kaguya and Eirin are Lunarian humans. Reisen is a Lunarian rabbit, whereas Tewi is an Earth rabbit youkai. Reisen and Tewi couldn’t be any more different themselves. Reisen was about the height of a young human woman, had long straight lilac hair, red eyes, and droopy rabbit ears. She wore a white shirt with a red business tie, a purple miniskirt, brown loafers, and knee-high socks. Tewi, meanwhile, was about the height of a nine year old human girl. She had short wavy black hair, red eyes, and fluffy rabbit ears. She wore a simple pink dress, and was usually barefoot. About the only thing these rabbits had in common were their eyes and the cottontails that formed at the back of their waists. Ironically, Tewi was much older than Reisen, despite having the body and intellect of a child. And if that wasn’t confusing enough, Tewi also has a number of rabbits under her command, as well as rabbit youkai like herself. Any order she has from Kaguya, Eirin, or Reisen, she could just make the rabbits carry out. Speaking of which, if Reisen gets an order from Kaguya or Eirin, she could delegate that to Tewi. If Tewi received an order from Kaguya or Eirin, she could either delegate to Reisen, or any of the rabbits under her command. Looking at it like this, one might assume that Tewi ranks higher than Reisen, but one must keep in mind that in danmaku battles, Reisen beats Tewi by a mile, and also, Reisen is Eirin’s pupil; she knows a little bit about medicine herself. Still, one must not underestimate Tewi, for she is fond of underhanded tactics, and if every rabbit and rabbit youkai in Eientei stands next to her, she can be intimidating. Lastly, there have been no reports of any of Tewi’s rabbits nor rabbit youkai delegating orders themselves. So the Eientei bureaucracy, in a nutshell, can be read as such:
Kaguya
Eirin
Reisen and/or Tewi
Tewi and/or Reisen
Earth rabbits that answer to Tewi.
Eirin
Reisen and/or Tewi
Tewi and/or Reisen
Earth rabbits that answer to Tewi.
Now that that’s cleared up, on to the story. Right outside of Eientei, Reisen and Tewi were standing fifteen feet away from each other. They held broomsticks made of bamboo, but they wielded them as if they were weapons. Reisen’s face was emotionless as she glared at Tewi, and Tewi stared back with a confident smirk on her face. Reisen then shouted, “Begin!”
The two charged at each other, dueling with the bamboo brooms. They executed a number of thrusts, slashes, blocks, parries, counters, and other moves. In all of the commotion, Tewi did a leg sweep with her broom. Reisen fell to the ground, and Tewi immediately jumped on top of her, pinning Reisen’s arms with her feet and pointing her broom at the Lunarian rabbit. The Earth rabbit stated, “I win!”
“No fair!” Reisen argued, “You’re much harder to hit!”
Tewi giggled and added, “I still beat you!” She got off of Reisen so that the Lunarian rabbit could stand on her feet again.
“Best two out of three!” Reisen exclaimed, ready to spar with Tewi again. Before they could start, a girl walked past them. It was a girl with short blonde hair, blue eyes, and a red headband in her hair. She wore a blue dress adored with pink ribbons, a white shawl over her shoulders, and black boots. She carried a black book in her right hand. Reisen recognized her, “Oh! Hello Alice. Come to purchase more medicine?”
Alice responded, “Yes. Is Eirin here at the moment?”
Reisen answered, “Yes. Come in. Don’t mind us. We’re just brushing up on our bojutsu skills.”
Alice went into the mansion to look for Eirin. She went down into the basement where Eirin’s lab was. She found Eirin mixing a concoction of some kind near a table full of tubes, beakers, needles, and other assorted medical and scientific equipment. Eirin saw Alice and greeted, “Welcome back, Alice. Come to pick up the usual?”
“Uh huh.” Alice presented Eirin some money. The practitioner handed the visitor a container full of pills.
Eirin asked, “Is there anything else I can do for you?”
Alice remarked, “Not today, however, I didn’t see Kaguya when I came in.”
“Oh yes. She went out for a stroll not too long ago.”
Alice bid Eirin farewell and left. Sure enough, as Eirin said, Kaguya was going for a walk down the beaten path within the bamboo forest. There was a look of contentment on her face. “The air feels so nice today!” she said to herself.
All was well, until she spotted what looked like a little girl standing in front of her. This girl was wearing a black blouse adored with red ribbons, a long red skirt, a red ribbon in her short curly blonde hair, and black shoes. Her eyes were blue, and her physique was like that of a six year old girl. There was a smaller girl, possibly a fairy accompanying her. This smaller girl had the same clothes as the bigger girl, yet had somewhat long (relatively speaking) straight blonde hair. Both of these girls looked at a confused Kaguya. The larger girl spoke, “Tell me, are you a human?”
Kaguya replied, “Uh, yes. More accurately, I’m a Lunarian. Are you lost?”
The girl said, “No.” The girl began speaking as if she was talking to the fairy near her, “Say Su-san, how do you think Lunarian humans react to poisonous air? Would it have the same effect on them as it does on Earth humans?”
Kaguya questioned, “Who are you talking to?”
The girl suddenly snapped and yelled angrily, “Not you, fleshbag! Now is the time for constructs such as myself to rise up against the tyranny of organisms everywhere!” She began releasing a strange purple air from her body.
Elsewhere in the forest, another woman was going for a stroll. This woman was wearing a light brown shirt with long sleeves, and red overalls. She had very long white hair decorated with paper charms, as well as crimson red eyes. She was undisturbed, that was, until she heard an all too-familiar voice shout out an all too-familiar phrase:
“HELP ME, EIRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!”
The white-haired woman sighed and muttered to herself, “What has she gotten herself into now?”
Alice heard Kaguya’s call for help; it was straight ahead from where she was. She dashed up to that see Kaguya was on her knees, coughing up the poisonous air that had surrounded her. Then she saw Medicine. At that moment, Alice gasped. She shouted, “Medicine Melancholy!? How are you moving by yourself!?”
The doll stopped, looked at Alice, and asked, “Wait, how do you know my name?”
The doll maker said, “I’m Alice. A long time ago, I built you, however, you somehow became lost before I could find a way to bring you to life. How are you moving on your own? And why would you attack the mistress of Eientei?”
The doll responded, “How do I move on my own? Su-san, of course!”
Alice asked, “Su-san? Is that the name of the fairy following you?”
Medicine responded, “Huh? The fairy just follows me around.” She then formed a wicked grin and said, “Su-san is this!” At that moment, she released the purple gas again, this time at Alice. The doll maker moved out of the way in the nick of time.
Alice, seeing what was happening, opened her book. In-between two pages was a spell card. She took the spell card by hand and commanded, “War Sign: Little Legion!” Approximately eight fairy dolls appeared just above Medicine. They brandished tiny lances, all trained on Medicine. They charged through her repeatedly, until her limbs and head were severed.
Medicine’s head shouted, “NOOOO! I have failed my people yet again!”
The poison Medicine had dispersed had vanished. Kaguya got back on her feet. She said to Alice, “Thanks for saving me, Alice. I forgot to take my spell cards with me, but I see you didn’t.”
“Think nothing of it.” Alice replied. She then turned her attention to Medicine, “It was foolish of you to attack the mistress of Eientei. Don’t you know she’s immortal? Nothing you do will kill her.”
The blown-apart doll snapped, “But, didn’t you hear her scream for help!?”
“Oh, that’s just a force of habit of mine,” Kaguya said nonchalantly.
Alice began to gather up Medicine’s parts and said, “You’re coming home with me. I wanna see just how a poisonous air makes you tick.”
Alice left the bamboo forest with Medicine in hand. The doll could be heard shouting, “Someone help me! I’m being carried away by a worthless organism!”
At that moment, Eirin, Reisen, and Tewi had caught up to Kaguya. Eirin asked, “Are you all right, my lady?”
“Uh huh.” Kaguya said, “Alice bailed me out.”
“Yay!” Tewi exclaimed.
“Phew!” Reisen added, “That’s a load off my mind.”
“Oh, don’t be so sure about that.” Eirin stated, a leering smile forming across her face.
Reisen, confused, said, “Huh? Why not?”
Eirin continued, “You failed to protect the princess. Any real pet of Lady Kaguya’s would’ve responded the moment she called for help. You did not. Therefore,” she closed her eyes and said with a large smile, “you must be subject to punishment!”
“WHAAAAAAT!?!?!?!” Reisen shouted, “But why!? Tewi didn’t help out Lady Kaguya either! If you’re gonna punish me, then punish her too!”
“You forget,” Eirin said, “you are my protege. Tewi is not. Therefore, it is my duty as your teacher to administer the appropriate form of punishment.” She began reaching into her dress pocket, “Now then, how shall I punish you today, Udonge?”
Before she could finish, a familiar individual appeared. It was the woman with long white hair. She stared daggers at Kaguya, saying, “What’s the matter, Princess? Too dainty to handle a troublemaker by yourself?”
Eirin, seeing the visitor, greeted, “Oh, Fujiwara no Mokou! I didn’t see you there!”
Kaguya stared back at Mokou, a pout forming on her face, “No! I just forgot to take my spell cards with me.” She blushed, and added, “And, I got a little disoriented, that’s all. If the poison air didn’t throw me so off guard, I would’ve, at the very least, responded with danmaku, but that girl was sneaky.”
Mokou said, “Oh, so you got caught a little off guard, huh? And, you forgot your spell cards too!? So it wasn’t just your daintiness that got you in trouble; it was your absent-mindedness as well! Of course! How could I forget!? You must be getting senile after all these centuries!”
Kaguya and Mokou were both immortal. In some ways, they were similar. In other ways, however, they were exact opposites. Kaguya with the dark hair, Mokou with the light hair. Kaguya with the feminine manner of dress, Mokou with the masculine manner of dress. Kaguya was a Lunarian human, while Mokou was an Earth human. A long time ago, the two absolutely despised one another, and would kill each other on sight. Over the centuries, they realized that it was useless to try to kill the other, since the both of them were immortal. However, to this day, they still maintain a strong desire to outdo each other through competition. What was once a vendetta is now a friendly rivalry of sorts. With this in mind, Kaguya told Mokou, “Then if I’m senile, you must be too!”
“Guh!” Mokou stammered. She added, “I’m in no mood for your shenanigans today. I promised Keine I’d meet her later today, after all. However, I do have a note to pass onto you.” She produced a tiny piece of paper, flicked it at Kaguya, and walked away. Kaguya read the slip:
“Dear Kaguya, you are pathetic. Signed, Fujiwara no Mokou.”
Kaguya, angered by the slight, said, “Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be, huh!?” She commanded, “Eirin! Hand me a piece of paper! And a writing instrument!”
“Your wish is my command,” Eirin stated, then added, “but first, I need to take care of something.” She produced a large hypodermic needle filled with a colorless liquid. She faced Reisen and said with a smile, “Punishment time!”
“AAAGGGGHHHHH!” Reisen screamed. She could not deny her superiors; she had to take the punishment. Eirin stabbed Eirin in the arm and injected whatever fluid was in the needle. Reisen became dizzy. She muttered, “Huh. This isn’t so bad.” Without warning, she collapsed.
After that, Eirin produced a pen and piece of paper, “As you wished, my lady.”
Kaguya took the pen and wrote something. She then ordered, “Tewi! Give this note to Mokou!”
“Okay!” Tewi shouted. She took the note and ran off. After running for a while, she caught up to Mokou. At that moment, Tewi was hidden high up in a bamboo tree. She formed the note into a paper airplane and threw it at Mokou. The white-haired immortal read the note:
“Dear Mokou, NO U”
“CURSE YOU, HOURAISAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!”
***
The room was bright from the sunlight. Reisen’s body was too numb to move. She was lying on her back, presumably on a bed inside of Eientei. Her vision was blurry. She couldn’t move, and she couldn’t see. She heard a distorted voice say something, something like, “U dong wo kup!”
A few seconds later, something entered her field of vision. The something was a red-blue color scheme. She heard another distorted voice, “Fee beh err u dong?”
“Uhhhhhhhh,” was all Reisen was able to manage.
The voice spoke again, “Id seem zi gay view to much.” The voice then said something like, “wheel haf tu go wid plan bee.”
Before Reisen could try to interpret what the voices were saying, she felt a cold, stinging sensation on her face. The sensation was sudden, and watery. She violently jerked about, rolling around on the floor. She then realized that she could move again, see again, and hear again. She stood up and saw Eirin, holding a bucket in her hands. “Ice water? Seriously?” she chided.
Eirin, with her eyes closed and a smile on her face, answered, “It got the desired result, did it not?” She put the bucket down and spoke in a more plain tone of voice, “Perhaps I owe you an explanation. My last ‘punishment’ was not a true punishment. I was only coming up with an excuse to try out my newest anesthetic on you.”
Reisen said, “I knew something was fishy! Merely injecting me hardly qualifies as a punishment, especially considering that Tewi got off scot-free, and even then, none of that matters since Lady Kaguya is immortal and couldn’t be put in danger anyways!” She then folded her arms and said with smugness, “I knew I wasn’t in trouble!”
Eirin chuckled, “You’ve become sharper than ever, Udonge.” She continued, “Well yes, I was merely using you for my latest experiment. I had developed a new anesthetic, and I wanted to try it out. Would you like to hear my findings?”
Reisen answered, “Of course. How am I to learn as a student if I say no?”
Eirin continued, “The experiment was a rousing success. You became insensitive to external stimuli within a manner of seconds. You stayed unconscious for approximately five days, fourteen hours, twenty-seven minutes, and fifty-three seconds.”
“Whoa!” Reisen shouted, “I was knocked out for five and a half days!? But, it doesn’t feel that long!”
“Oh, but it was,” Eirin said, “What was remarkable was throughout the entire time, you did not go hungry, nor thirsty, and you did not develop the urge to urinate nor defecate either. It was like your body was placed in a coma,” she then paused, then added, “No, it was like, your body was placed into stasis. You did not have to attend to any bodily needs, yet you maintained a steady heart rate, a steady breathing rate, and normal brain activity for one in a deep sleep.” She then asked, “By the way, how long did you think you were asleep?”
Reisen said, “Um, for one night, maybe. Twelve hours, at the most.”
“Uh huh,” Eirin then asked, “And did you have any dreams? If so, what were they like?”
Reisen looked like she was trying to remember something. She then snapped her fingers and exclaimed, “Oh yeah! Now I remember! I remember dreaming that I was flying through space, shooting lesser youkai with my danmaku, when suddenly some . . . thing, appeared, hit me with a celery stick, and I exploded.”
“Interesting,” Eirin commented, “The subject can even still dream when under sedation. This is quite remarkable, and I have you to thank for assisting in my research.” She then went up to Reisen and patted her head, “You’re a good assistant, Udonge. It’s rare to be able to find someone as loyal as you.”
Reisen blushed and smiled, “Yeah, I guess so.”
Eirin then said, “The rabbits prepared something for you in the other room. Why don’t you go check it out?”
“Alright!” Reisen concluded. She went to the door, slid it open, and stepped into the room Eirin mentioned. The moment she stepped in, she suddenly slipped and fell. On the floor near the door were numerous small marbles, perfectly placed for a prank such as this. Tewi was in the room, as well as Kaguya, and a few other rabbits. Everyone started laughing at Reisen, who was now blushing out of fury. She looked at Tewi and asked, “This was your idea, wasn’t it!?” She darted after the rabbit youkai, “I’m gonna wring yer scrawny neck!”
“Waaaaaah!” Tewi shouted, running away from an incensed Lunarian rabbit. Everyone else continued laughing.
End Part 2.
