I just noticed something about vol. 19 of Tsubasa. One of the characters present in that volume is an alternate-reality version of Chii from Chobits. Something about her seemed different from her Chobits counterpart, and not just her ears. After reviewing some promo art, my suspicion was confirmed;
Chii's Tsubasa counterpart has larger boobs than her Chobits counterpart. All you fanboys who thinks she's irresistible can start squeeing more. That's pronounced, "Squee-ing." Not that I care about that sort of thing.
Still, as much of a CLAMP fanatic I may be, I'm not a whore. This is pretty obvious, considering that I have a love-hate relationship with their drawings. And yet, you wanna know something disturbing? There are some people, who are such CLAMP whores, they even like the artwork from the series they've done that look horrible in my opinion. I know fans that think Magic Knight Rayearth has great character art, despite the fact that its heroines' eyes all look like they're sliding off their faces. And people think *blank*'s character designs are fantastic. And, well, CLAMP School Detectives doesn't look too bad, but all I can keep saying when I look at its art is, "BUT THEY LOOK LIKE GIIIIIIIRLS!!" Which wouldn't be a problem if they, you know, were girls.
"Hey, what's *blank*? Huh, why does it go *blank* when I say it?"
I think you should know what I'm referring to by now.
"But, what about your recent article about Halo? You said there's a possibility that you might hate Halo even more than *blank* and other sucky anime, and yet when you said that, there was no censoring!"
That's because I was illustrating how serious my ire with the Halo hype is, and what may become even more serious ire in the near future. I made my exception for my hate/hate relationship with *blank*, but now, I must go back to not even mentioning *blank*'s name again.
But getting back to CLAMP, yeah, I can't believe some people stand by ALL of their artwork, even when some of their series' art clearly sucks compared to others. Oh well, I guess some people just can't help themselves.
By the way, for good times, see episode seven of DBZ Abridged. You can thank me later.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Fan Dumb Illustrated
(LATE EDIT: This was originally about stupid fanboys, but I erased most of the content, because I was sounding like a broken record at this point. So instead, let me point you to a revelation I also made on this entry.)
Oh, also, whilst searching through Amazon, I found you can buy the entirety of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya in a boxset. Buy it, if you're an animation fan who isn't a jerkass.
"But, why should I listen to your command?"
Oh, simple. Because . . . . .
I . . .
Am . . .
JUSTICE!!!!!
*Bleep Bloop*
("Motherfucking Death Note!" Recite a quote from Death Note. 5G)
Oh my, seems like I did something in character again!
Oh, also, whilst searching through Amazon, I found you can buy the entirety of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya in a boxset. Buy it, if you're an animation fan who isn't a jerkass.
"But, why should I listen to your command?"
Oh, simple. Because . . . . .
I . . .
Am . . .
JUSTICE!!!!!
*Bleep Bloop*
("Motherfucking Death Note!" Recite a quote from Death Note. 5G)
Oh my, seems like I did something in character again!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
I'm gonna play a game just to troll it?
I have many games I would like to rent for my 360. One of which I DON'T want to rent is Halo 3. But I'm gonna torture myself; when I've run out of games to try out, I will rent Halo 3. That's gonna be a while, because I have many more games I want to try out first.
I will rent Halo 3, hoping maybe, just maybe, it's actually good. And there's good reason for that; one, Bungie was more experienced with the game's mechanics by the time H3 was finished, maybe they polished the Halo experience into something that's not dull and mediocre. Also, it's for the 360, not the original Xbox. Perhaps something like Halo was meant to run on hardware like the 360, not the original 'box. Lastly, there's supposed to be a lot more weapons in H3. Maybe some of them will actually be fun to use, and not just a copy the generic pistol-shotgun-machinegun-sniper rifle-grenades-missile launcher lineup seen in everything else.
Oh, but then again, I might be setting my expectations too high. I honestly don't believe H3 could be as good as Half-Life 1 and 2. I am hoping, however, that it will be a worthwhile rental. Here's something: my official score of Halo 1 is as follows: 5 out of 10. Halo 2 is 4 out of 10. (you die too easily in H2, and they claim your shield is 'more advanced.' Bull-fucking-shit!) Halo 3 has to score at least an 8 out of 10 for me to forgive Bungie for all of these years of lackluster output. If it doesn't, even if it scores a 6 or 7, therefore beating H1 and H2, it will be the object of my derision. A game franchise as hyped as Halo cannot be worth the hype if not even one game is either totally freakin' aswesome or at least very good. It has to be of the 10 percentile of Sturgeon's Law that doesn't suck.
Oh, if it isn't, oh, if H3 is as bad as the first two, holy mother of Earth. I will Fan Wank like I have never Fan Wanked in the past. I will unleash a fury of obscenities like that of which you've never seen. My hatred for all things Halo-related will be greater than my hatred of Slayers, Code Geass, and Fruits Basket combined. Yes, I love riffing on those anime series, but they're not popular with "normal people." Halo is popular with "normal people." I know a lot of people in the real world who have played a Halo game. Many of them are also fans. Some of them are haters like me. But still, like I said, no game franchise deserves Halo's level of hype if not one game in the entire franchise is good.
But hey! I could be wrong, H3 might actually be good. Let's hope it is. For now, since I'm concentrating on games that don't remind me of retarded 20-something males who bought an Xbox, and Xbox 360, just to play Halo and Madden, that may be a while.
"Wait, you're gonna play a game because you may potentially hate on it? What are you, the Angry Video Game Nerd?"
Oh boy. Hey, instead of bashing old games like the actual Nerd does, I could bash any new 360 game that sucks! Ha ha! That's a sweet deal.
LATE EDIT: I never did get to play H3, but i did play Halo Reach, and I am now at peace with myself.
I will rent Halo 3, hoping maybe, just maybe, it's actually good. And there's good reason for that; one, Bungie was more experienced with the game's mechanics by the time H3 was finished, maybe they polished the Halo experience into something that's not dull and mediocre. Also, it's for the 360, not the original Xbox. Perhaps something like Halo was meant to run on hardware like the 360, not the original 'box. Lastly, there's supposed to be a lot more weapons in H3. Maybe some of them will actually be fun to use, and not just a copy the generic pistol-shotgun-machinegun-sniper rifle-grenades-missile launcher lineup seen in everything else.
Oh, but then again, I might be setting my expectations too high. I honestly don't believe H3 could be as good as Half-Life 1 and 2. I am hoping, however, that it will be a worthwhile rental. Here's something: my official score of Halo 1 is as follows: 5 out of 10. Halo 2 is 4 out of 10. (you die too easily in H2, and they claim your shield is 'more advanced.' Bull-fucking-shit!) Halo 3 has to score at least an 8 out of 10 for me to forgive Bungie for all of these years of lackluster output. If it doesn't, even if it scores a 6 or 7, therefore beating H1 and H2, it will be the object of my derision. A game franchise as hyped as Halo cannot be worth the hype if not even one game is either totally freakin' aswesome or at least very good. It has to be of the 10 percentile of Sturgeon's Law that doesn't suck.
Oh, if it isn't, oh, if H3 is as bad as the first two, holy mother of Earth. I will Fan Wank like I have never Fan Wanked in the past. I will unleash a fury of obscenities like that of which you've never seen. My hatred for all things Halo-related will be greater than my hatred of Slayers, Code Geass, and Fruits Basket combined. Yes, I love riffing on those anime series, but they're not popular with "normal people." Halo is popular with "normal people." I know a lot of people in the real world who have played a Halo game. Many of them are also fans. Some of them are haters like me. But still, like I said, no game franchise deserves Halo's level of hype if not one game in the entire franchise is good.
But hey! I could be wrong, H3 might actually be good. Let's hope it is. For now, since I'm concentrating on games that don't remind me of retarded 20-something males who bought an Xbox, and Xbox 360, just to play Halo and Madden, that may be a while.
"Wait, you're gonna play a game because you may potentially hate on it? What are you, the Angry Video Game Nerd?"
Oh boy. Hey, instead of bashing old games like the actual Nerd does, I could bash any new 360 game that sucks! Ha ha! That's a sweet deal.
LATE EDIT: I never did get to play H3, but i did play Halo Reach, and I am now at peace with myself.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Who needs FF13?
I didn't want to rent Crackdown and Forza Motorsport 2 originally. I only got those games because I wanted to showcase my 360 to my family during Christmas. Okay, yes, I also enjoyed them, but they were not my first choice. Today, I rented what was my first choice.
I rented Tales of Vesperia.
"Sweet Jesus! He's playing another Tales games! Run, run and hope he gives up on it like he did Eternia!"
Some things never change. Like the Tales games. TOV is, for the most part, no exception to that rule. It is a stat-based RPG, using anime designs, in a world that uses Gald for money. Like the Final Fantasy games, the Tales games, unless otherwise noted, are not connected to one another plotwise, unless if it's like the sequel to Tales of Symphonia that came out for the Wii. You can cook food to create healing items, your characters earn "titles" to describe them, and battles are random encounters that take place in enclosed battlegrounds that occur in real-time, with the fights playing like fighting games. The music, like most other games, is composed by renowned musician Motoi Sakuraba. There are "skits" in between cutscenes, and much like Tales of Legendia, (and unlike the American Tales of the Abyss) they are voiced. The voices, like the more recent Tales games, are not fantastic, but certainly don't suck. *points at Tales of Eternia*
All of these things apply to TOV. It just wouldn't be Tales without it. But there are some major differences. The biggest of which being that the game is in widescreen, with HD. You can really notice this in the intro movie. Not only that, the sound is in 5.1. You can really tell the sound design is great; footsteps are audible and will be loud if you're walking on something hard and soft if you're walking on something soft. Voices echo inside of castle walls, and the sound effects in battle sound better than they did in TOTA. TOV runs on TOTA's engine, but with improvements. Characters models are cel-shaded instead of polygonal, the draw distance is much longer, there are no "jaggies", and animations are more fluid. Cutscenes make better use of camera angles. The cel-shading is appropriate, given that Tales games were never about achieving a photorealistic look, but rather, were about replicating fantastical works of animation. This is the first 3D Tales game I've played that is really beautiful. The 2D games are gorgeous, (I still swoon at TOE's background art) but the 3D games never could compare . . . until now. Now, don't try to compare TOV's artistry to an RPG like FF12, but TOV is a marvel to look at.
So far, the storyline has been decent. It's not epic so far, but that might change. On the other hand, if you're like me, you'll also have fun playing, "Name That Voice!" Yeah, there's a good number of notable dub actors and actresses in the cast. I won't tell who they all are just yet, but I've recognized a couple. Oh, and fangirls, Vic Mignogna plays a part in this game, and his character is wicked.
Expect to hear more from me in the near future.
I rented Tales of Vesperia.
"Sweet Jesus! He's playing another Tales games! Run, run and hope he gives up on it like he did Eternia!"
Some things never change. Like the Tales games. TOV is, for the most part, no exception to that rule. It is a stat-based RPG, using anime designs, in a world that uses Gald for money. Like the Final Fantasy games, the Tales games, unless otherwise noted, are not connected to one another plotwise, unless if it's like the sequel to Tales of Symphonia that came out for the Wii. You can cook food to create healing items, your characters earn "titles" to describe them, and battles are random encounters that take place in enclosed battlegrounds that occur in real-time, with the fights playing like fighting games. The music, like most other games, is composed by renowned musician Motoi Sakuraba. There are "skits" in between cutscenes, and much like Tales of Legendia, (and unlike the American Tales of the Abyss) they are voiced. The voices, like the more recent Tales games, are not fantastic, but certainly don't suck. *points at Tales of Eternia*
All of these things apply to TOV. It just wouldn't be Tales without it. But there are some major differences. The biggest of which being that the game is in widescreen, with HD. You can really notice this in the intro movie. Not only that, the sound is in 5.1. You can really tell the sound design is great; footsteps are audible and will be loud if you're walking on something hard and soft if you're walking on something soft. Voices echo inside of castle walls, and the sound effects in battle sound better than they did in TOTA. TOV runs on TOTA's engine, but with improvements. Characters models are cel-shaded instead of polygonal, the draw distance is much longer, there are no "jaggies", and animations are more fluid. Cutscenes make better use of camera angles. The cel-shading is appropriate, given that Tales games were never about achieving a photorealistic look, but rather, were about replicating fantastical works of animation. This is the first 3D Tales game I've played that is really beautiful. The 2D games are gorgeous, (I still swoon at TOE's background art) but the 3D games never could compare . . . until now. Now, don't try to compare TOV's artistry to an RPG like FF12, but TOV is a marvel to look at.
So far, the storyline has been decent. It's not epic so far, but that might change. On the other hand, if you're like me, you'll also have fun playing, "Name That Voice!" Yeah, there's a good number of notable dub actors and actresses in the cast. I won't tell who they all are just yet, but I've recognized a couple. Oh, and fangirls, Vic Mignogna plays a part in this game, and his character is wicked.
Expect to hear more from me in the near future.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
That's not all, folks!
My 360 did come with a few games. The hard drive came with some demos, including demos of Pac-Man and Street Fighter II. It also has a full game called Hexic. It's a 'casual' game that is rather enjoyable.
But guess what? My system actually came with two other games, as in, it was packed in with two games on disc. You wanna know what they are?
They're licensed games.
No wait! Don't go just yet! You'll wanna hear this!
One of them was . . . Lego Indiana Jones. Yeah. Exactly what it says on the tin box. Not a horrible game, but not really that great, either. Its only real strength is John Williams music.
But the other game is the video game version of Kung Fu Panda. Guess what? It is actually fun to play! It's like a cross between DMC, Dynasty Warriors, and Ratchet and Clank. It's kid-friendly, and it's actually really good! Now I wanna see the movie. See the Dragon Master himself in action. So even when I take my rented games back, and I'm not in the mood for Hexic, I can always play more Kung Fu Panda. Then again, not all licensed games are bad.
By the way, you know that Red VS Blue when they're making fun of Xbox Live Achievements? I totally get that know! "You get an acheivement for doing something in character!" "Bleep Bloop!" (You Just Got Sarged) "Ow! Why do you keep hitting me?" "Oh dag nammit! I'm not getting anymore achievements for killing Grif!" So does that mean I can get Achievements if I do something in character now?
"Hey xm! For Xmas, I gave you a DVD!"
Really? Is it Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog? I love Neil Patrick Harris!
"Uh, no. I gave you the special edition of Akira! And not the manga either!"
. . . . . .
FUCK-
*Bleep Bloop*
("Otaku have bad taste!" Trash talk a respected anime franchise. 15G) -AKIRA!!!!!!!!
"Oh, but don't feel too bad, xm. Did you know as early as January 2009, there will be a new volume of Tsubasa in America? I remember you saying you really liked no. 19, and couldn't wait for the next installment. And you do remember who's in Tsubasa, right?
OH NO! NOT-
*Bleep Bloop*
("Kawaii overwhelming!" Gush over a cute female character from J-pop culture. 20G) -TOMOYO!!!!! What, were you guessing I was gonna say Sakura? She gets enough praise from me as it is. Still, I don't even know if Tomoyo-chan will show up in Tsubasa vol. 20, but hey, she's cute, so it counts.
Expect to hear from me after Christmas.
But guess what? My system actually came with two other games, as in, it was packed in with two games on disc. You wanna know what they are?
They're licensed games.
No wait! Don't go just yet! You'll wanna hear this!
One of them was . . . Lego Indiana Jones. Yeah. Exactly what it says on the tin box. Not a horrible game, but not really that great, either. Its only real strength is John Williams music.
But the other game is the video game version of Kung Fu Panda. Guess what? It is actually fun to play! It's like a cross between DMC, Dynasty Warriors, and Ratchet and Clank. It's kid-friendly, and it's actually really good! Now I wanna see the movie. See the Dragon Master himself in action. So even when I take my rented games back, and I'm not in the mood for Hexic, I can always play more Kung Fu Panda. Then again, not all licensed games are bad.
By the way, you know that Red VS Blue when they're making fun of Xbox Live Achievements? I totally get that know! "You get an acheivement for doing something in character!" "Bleep Bloop!" (You Just Got Sarged) "Ow! Why do you keep hitting me?" "Oh dag nammit! I'm not getting anymore achievements for killing Grif!" So does that mean I can get Achievements if I do something in character now?
"Hey xm! For Xmas, I gave you a DVD!"
Really? Is it Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog? I love Neil Patrick Harris!
"Uh, no. I gave you the special edition of Akira! And not the manga either!"
. . . . . .
FUCK-
*Bleep Bloop*
("Otaku have bad taste!" Trash talk a respected anime franchise. 15G) -AKIRA!!!!!!!!
"Oh, but don't feel too bad, xm. Did you know as early as January 2009, there will be a new volume of Tsubasa in America? I remember you saying you really liked no. 19, and couldn't wait for the next installment. And you do remember who's in Tsubasa, right?
OH NO! NOT-
*Bleep Bloop*
("Kawaii overwhelming!" Gush over a cute female character from J-pop culture. 20G) -TOMOYO!!!!! What, were you guessing I was gonna say Sakura? She gets enough praise from me as it is. Still, I don't even know if Tomoyo-chan will show up in Tsubasa vol. 20, but hey, she's cute, so it counts.
Expect to hear from me after Christmas.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
IT LIVES!!!!!!!
I got my Xbox 360 earlier today.
Mine came with a wireless controller, and being the Pro Edition, a 60 gig hard drive. I rented two games beforehand to test out. One was Forza Motorsport 2. The other was Crackdown. Coincidence that they're both 360 exclusives?
I really liked the first Forza for the original 'box. Forza 2 is basically the same, except with Damn Near Photorealistic Graphics(tm). Ladies and Gentleman, the last time I played a game with state-of-the-art graphics that I could actually run on a system I own was Half-Life 2 on my PC. That was 4 years ago. This is now. Microsoft was not fooling around when they were making the 360, and it shows in Forza 2. The lighting and shadowing effects are almost on the level I would expect from a CGI movie, and I haven't encountered any slowdown, which is really impressive. I'm still trying to get used to the 360 controller; it feels weird to have the back triggers and shoulder buttons at the same time, and the thumbsticks are a little harder to use properly. Nonetheless, I've heard it's better than the PS3 controller. And the best part? Mine's wireless! No cord tangling for me!
Crackdown, on the other hand, is an interesting game. One part GTA, one part Halo, and all parts chaotic. This game is great to play when you need to unwind from a stressful day: run around, beat some perps, snipe some dudes, be guided by the voice of Michael McConnohie, do crazy jumps in cars. It lacks the sophistication of GTA, but is much easier to delve into at the same time. I'll have more to report tomorrow.
But what's most impressive about the 360, more than anything else, is the fact that all of its games have support for widescreen high-def TVs. We're running our 360 on our HDTV, and it is beyond anything we've ever seen on a TV game console. This system's visuals makes even the almighty PS2 and original Xbox look like chumps on a technical scale. The jump from PS2 to 360 is like the jump from PS1 to PS2. You would think by now that computer graphics couldn't be further improved upon, but even I am surprised.
360 games also have 5.1 surround sound. Okay, some console games have had this before, but not where every game on the system (as far as I know) supports it. It's crazy; both Forza 2 and Crackdown have incredible bass, like when I play on my 5.1-supported PC, but this is a console, not a computer! Get yourself a good subwoofer if you haven't already.
I don't even have Xbox Live hooked up yet. Thankfully, unlike with the original Xbox, Xbox Live is now free. (I was not aware of that.) Of course, I'd only use it for downloads, but hey, at least I can get games and patches like that now. Or, when we get that set up anyways.
I read a theory somewhere. The PC gaming market is not doing very well, outside of MMORPG's. I think I know why, and it has to do with this theory: for the longest time, the greatest advantage computer games had over console games was online capability. Sure, the Dreamcast, PS2, and Xbox could play online, but not like a PC could. Now, the PS3, Wii, AND Xbox 360 can do online gaming and downloading with broadband. And, if you have a PS3 or 360, you also have a hard drive and HDTV-capable graphics. Many people have put up with the hassles of a gaming PC just to play games on it. Now there are systems that can do all the things a PC could back in the 1990's, except now, you don't have to worry about video card and sound card installations, RAM upgrades, driver updates, OS compatibility issues, and so on. I gotta say, except for those MMORPG's still active, PC gaming is falling by the wayside.
In short: is the Xbox 360 good? Yes. Yes it is.
Mine came with a wireless controller, and being the Pro Edition, a 60 gig hard drive. I rented two games beforehand to test out. One was Forza Motorsport 2. The other was Crackdown. Coincidence that they're both 360 exclusives?
I really liked the first Forza for the original 'box. Forza 2 is basically the same, except with Damn Near Photorealistic Graphics(tm). Ladies and Gentleman, the last time I played a game with state-of-the-art graphics that I could actually run on a system I own was Half-Life 2 on my PC. That was 4 years ago. This is now. Microsoft was not fooling around when they were making the 360, and it shows in Forza 2. The lighting and shadowing effects are almost on the level I would expect from a CGI movie, and I haven't encountered any slowdown, which is really impressive. I'm still trying to get used to the 360 controller; it feels weird to have the back triggers and shoulder buttons at the same time, and the thumbsticks are a little harder to use properly. Nonetheless, I've heard it's better than the PS3 controller. And the best part? Mine's wireless! No cord tangling for me!
Crackdown, on the other hand, is an interesting game. One part GTA, one part Halo, and all parts chaotic. This game is great to play when you need to unwind from a stressful day: run around, beat some perps, snipe some dudes, be guided by the voice of Michael McConnohie, do crazy jumps in cars. It lacks the sophistication of GTA, but is much easier to delve into at the same time. I'll have more to report tomorrow.
But what's most impressive about the 360, more than anything else, is the fact that all of its games have support for widescreen high-def TVs. We're running our 360 on our HDTV, and it is beyond anything we've ever seen on a TV game console. This system's visuals makes even the almighty PS2 and original Xbox look like chumps on a technical scale. The jump from PS2 to 360 is like the jump from PS1 to PS2. You would think by now that computer graphics couldn't be further improved upon, but even I am surprised.
360 games also have 5.1 surround sound. Okay, some console games have had this before, but not where every game on the system (as far as I know) supports it. It's crazy; both Forza 2 and Crackdown have incredible bass, like when I play on my 5.1-supported PC, but this is a console, not a computer! Get yourself a good subwoofer if you haven't already.
I don't even have Xbox Live hooked up yet. Thankfully, unlike with the original Xbox, Xbox Live is now free. (I was not aware of that.) Of course, I'd only use it for downloads, but hey, at least I can get games and patches like that now. Or, when we get that set up anyways.
I read a theory somewhere. The PC gaming market is not doing very well, outside of MMORPG's. I think I know why, and it has to do with this theory: for the longest time, the greatest advantage computer games had over console games was online capability. Sure, the Dreamcast, PS2, and Xbox could play online, but not like a PC could. Now, the PS3, Wii, AND Xbox 360 can do online gaming and downloading with broadband. And, if you have a PS3 or 360, you also have a hard drive and HDTV-capable graphics. Many people have put up with the hassles of a gaming PC just to play games on it. Now there are systems that can do all the things a PC could back in the 1990's, except now, you don't have to worry about video card and sound card installations, RAM upgrades, driver updates, OS compatibility issues, and so on. I gotta say, except for those MMORPG's still active, PC gaming is falling by the wayside.
In short: is the Xbox 360 good? Yes. Yes it is.
A present for you
Christmas comes early for you all, even if you don't celebrate it. Know why? I just finished my Eva fanfic.
It's a lot longer than my previous 'fics here, but it's worth it. A brief description, my fanfic is not canon. Also, the whole point of it is nothing makes sense, so please don't take it too seriously. Then again, for the most part, it's a comedy, so don't expect to take it seriously.
Why the Eva fanfic? Well, Anno wants those who've seen the Eva anime to make up their own minds as to what happened in the end. So this 'fic is my theory. Everything else will be explained in the 'fic itself. Lastly, although 99 percent of the content is in English, unless otherwise noted, it's assumed the characters are speaking Japanese. That might explain the presence of Japanese honorifics. Let's get started!
xm0123's Domain Presents: Rebuild of the End of Shin Seiki Evangelion: Angelic Girlfriend of Steel Days @ Ikari Raising Academy.
{The scene is Misato’s apartment. Misato is sitting at the kitchen table with her head down. She is presumably crying. She is wearing shorts and a short sleeved shirt. Shinji Ikari enters the room. He is wearing his school uniform. He seats himself next to Misato. He looks concerned for her well-being.}
[Shinji] Misato-san, I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone you love like you did, but please, I don’t want you to be like this forever. When I see you depressed like this, it makes me depressed too. I like you most when you’re happy, when you’re drinking, when you’re making fun of me. *grins* Even though I might be irritated when you do that, it at least lets me know that you’re enjoying yourself. And, through everything, I think you’ll find someone who can replace Kaji-san. I mean, why wouldn’t someone want you? You’re really pretty, you can get the job done, you’re friendly when you want to be . . . please, just talk to me, Misato-san.
{At that precise moment. Misato throws her head up, with her eyes closed and with a large smile on her face.}
[Misato] I’M SO WASTED!!!!!
[Shinji] *blushing* Eh!?
{Misato, who was holding a beer can concealed by her long hair, begins talking, drunk out of her mind.}
[Misato] Did I just hear Shin-chan give me a prep speech? There’s no way that could ever happen! *glances over at Shinji* Oh? *mischievous grin* You really did, didn’t you, Shin-chan?
[Shinji] *blushing* Uh, well, um.
[Misato] And did you say I was pretty? Aww, that’s so thoughtful of you, Shin-chan! Always thinking of a woman’s feelings when addressing her!
[Shinji] *still blushing* But, uh, it’s not what you think! Honest!
[Misato] Oh? But don’t you still wanna comfort me? Poor old me? *stands up with her arms spread, as if she were about to hug* Give me a hug, you adorable Eva pilot, you!
[Shinji] *blushing* Uh, maybe some other time! You seem okay now! Bye!
{Shinji runs off. Misato sits back down, looking disappointed.}
[Misato] He’s never gonna get a girl if he keeps running away like that.
{All of a sudden, the scene is now Rei’s apartment. Rei Ayanami is sitting on her bed in fetal position. She is wearing a nightgown. She appears emotionless, and doesn’t speak. She instead thinks.}
[Rei] (thinking to herself) Why is it that everywhere I go, everything I do, he’s on my mind? I don’t understand. I know that he, being the Third Child, is an Eva pilot like me, and we have fought many Angels side by side, but I feel, I feel like he has become a part of my life. I can’t stop thinking about him.
{Rei holds up her right hand, with the palm side facing toward her face.}
[Rei] I want to . . . I want to hold him, let him know that I’m here for him. I want him to be safe. I . . . I don’t know what I’d do if he were to suddenly die. I don’t know.
{Rei is now lying on her side.}
[Rei] My heart races whenever I think about him. I worry more about him than I do the mission, or Commander Ikari, or even myself. Why is it that, of all the people that I’ve met in my life, I feel this way for him? Tell me Shinji-kun. Tell me, is my concern for you what they call . . . love?
{The scene is suddenly now the school. Shinji, Toji Suzuhara, Kensuke Aida, Asuka Langley Soryu, and Hikari Hokari are walking down a hallway. They are in uniform. They are having random conversations about whatever.}
[Kensuke] Did you know that, contrary to popular belief, the AK-47 actually does not break down very easily? Yeah! It’s actually one of the most reliable assault rifles in modern warfare!
[Toji] It was tha third quarta, we were down five points, and I had ta make thuh free throw. I was nervous as Hell.
[Shinji] Oh, everything’s the same. Mom and Dad read the newspaper, Asuka-chan made fun of me again.
[Hikari] Have you seen the new transfer student? He’s really cute!
[Asuka] Are you sure? He kinda looks like a girl if you ask me.
{At that moment, Ritsuko Akagi, the school nurse, walks by. Shinji, Kensuke, and Toji look very excited. Hikari and Asuka are displaying pouty expressions.}
[Shinji & Toji & Kensuke] HELLLLOOOOOOOOO NURSE!
[Ritsuko] Hey guys! Have you been staying out of trouble?
[Shinji & Toji & Kensuke] YES NURSE AKAGI!
[Ritsuko] Okay then, take care!
{Ritsuko walks off. The boys are dazed.}
[Kensuke] Nurse Akagi is absolutely gorgeous!
[Toji] You sed it! She can court me ANYTIME!
[Shinji] I know! She really brightens up the school!
{The girls are still pouting.}
[Asuka & Hikari] Boys are such idiots, I swear.
[Kensuke] So, Shinji-kun, got any plans for after school?
[Shinji] Well, assuming an Angel doesn’t suddenly attack.
{Shinji is interrupted by an unseen person’s voice.}
[Unseen Person’s Voice] THERE YOU ARE!
{From out of nowhere, Rei Ayanami glomps Shinji. The other kids do not look surprised.}
[Hikari] Oh hey, Ayanami-chan.
{Rei is now holding Shinji’s hands, with a smile on her face.}
[Rei] So, how’s my favorite shonen holding up?
[Shinji] Uh, okay, I guess.
[Rei] *with her eyes closed* Fantabulastic!
{The students are now in a classroom, seated at their desks. Rei strikes up a conversation with Asuka.}
[Rei] Oh hey, can I see your math paper from last night?
[Asuka] What for? Do you need to compare answers?
[Rei] *looking away from Asuka* Umm.
[Asuka] *looking angry* You just wanna copy my answers again, don’t you!?
{Rei nervously nods her head.}
[Asuka] Geez, When are you ever gonna take responsibility for yourself? Is it so hard to do your homework for just one night?
{At that moment, Misato, the homeroom teacher, walks in.}
[Misato] Alright, everyone, take your seats, and we’ll begin role call.
{Shinji notices Misato, but looks puzzled.}
[Shinji] (thinking to himself) Hey, wait. Wasn’t Misato-san in her apartment just a moment ago?
{Suddenly, the scene is now NERV HQ. Rei and Asuka are in an elevator that’s going down. They are in their plugsuits. Asuka looks like she’s about to start fighting Rei. Rei is avoiding eye contact with Asuka. Asuka breaks the ice.}
[Asuka] Well, aren’t you gonna say anything? Or are you above talking, Wonder Doll? You always stand there, trying to look sooooooooooo cool, trying to be some killer ice queen or something. Well let me tell you something; even if you are favored by Shinji’s dad, you’ll never amount to anything. Certainly not like me. (In a much more sinister tone of voice) And let me make something else clear; don’t come between me and Shinji!
{Asuka tears her eyes away from Rei, not saying a word. There is an awkward silence. Then, Rei speaks up.}
[Rei] If you like Shinji-kun that much, then why are you so abusive to him?
[Asuka] *looking surprised* What!? Abusive!? I don’t . . . wait, since when did you care about Shinji? Or rather, why?
{Rei looks at Asuka. Her facial expression doesn’t change, but her eyes seem as though they are staring right through Asuka.}
[Rei] Because I don’t like it when you mistreat him. It upsets me.
[Asuka] Oh that’s it, you stupid little.
{Asuka attempts to slap Rei. Right before Asuka’s hand reaches Rei’s face, Rei grabs Asuka’s wrist.}
[Rei] Let’s not settle this here, but rather, in our Evas.
{Suddenly, the scene is now outside, on a grassy hill. Shinji, Kensuke, and Toji are having a picnic.}
[Toji] Man, I tell ya, practice really saps thuh life outta ya!
{Before anyone could say another word, Eva-00 and Eva-02 suddenly rise from the ground. Once active, they appear to be fighting each other in hand-to-hand combat. The NERV Control Center witnesses all of this. Misato, Ritsuko, Maya Ibuki, Shigeru Aoba, and Makoto Hyuuga are panicked by what they see. Gendo Ikari and Kozo Fuyutsuki are also present, but appear calm and in control of the situation.}
[Makoto] Sir, Eva-00 and Eva-02 have just performed an unauthorized sortie!
[Ritsuko] Is it the First and Second Child!?
[Maya] Confirmed! It’s their lifesigns!
[Misato] (to Asuka and Rei via radio) Just what the Hell do you think you’re doing!?
[Asuka] (to Misato via radio) Shut up! You stay out of this!
[Gendo] Cut off all power to the Evas.
[Makoto] Roger! *presses a series of buttons*
{Meanwhile, back at the grassy hill, Shinji, Kensuke, and Toji witness the Evas fighting each other.}
[Kensuke] Holy shit, dude! Are Rei-chan and Asuka-chan trying to kill each other inside those things!?
[Toji] Hey, ya know what dis means? We’re witnessin’ a cat fight! A giant mecha cat fight! Woot WOOT!
[Kensuke] Hey Shinji-kun, do you know why they’d wanna fight each other?
[Shinji] Uh, well, they never really did get along with each other, but, I’d never thought they’d take it this far.
{Back at the NERV Command Center, everyone is anxiously waiting for the Evas’ internal batteries to run out.}
[Kozo] Commander, do you have any idea as to why the two of them would attempt to kill one another?
[Gendo] I can’t say at this time.
[Shigeru] Oh, look what I found on the security feed!
{Shigeru’s computer shows when Rei and Asuka nearly came to blows in the elevator.}
[Shigeru] It appears the First and Second Child are still, well, children. They’re still young and naive enough to still foolishly believe in that self-delusion called “love.”
[Makoto] Shut up, Aoba!
{Suddenly, the scene is now the school concert hall. Shinji is seated on a chair playing on his cello. He plays alone, uninterrupted, when all of a sudden, a voice belonging to Asuka interrupts him.}
[Asuka] Stop! Stop! You’re doing it all wrong!
{Asuka appears, wearing a dance costume. She is frustrated, as is Shinji.}
[Shinji] Oh, what did I do wrong now!?
[Asuka] Every other note you hit was either too sharp or too flat! How am I supposed to practice when you keep screwing up the music!?
[Shinji] What!? I’m playing it exactly as it appears on the sheet!
[Asuka] Well play it better!
[Shinji] Geez, does nothing satisfy you?
[Asuka] Oh, be quiet.
{Shinji begins playing the cello again. Asuka dances for a short time, then suddenly stops.}
[Asuka] No, no, no, NO! God, why do Japanese always screw up the most basic music?
[Shinji] Hey, my background has nothing to do with my talent! Don’t bring race into this! Besides, aren’t you half-Japanese, yourself? Wouldn’t that make you racist toward yourself?
[Asuka] Shinji, do me a favor; shut. UP. From the top.
{Shinji plays the cello again. Asuka dances. Then she stops. She looks furious.}
[Asuka] Shinji! If you can’t play the piece, I’ll find someone who will.
[Shinji] Well fine! *suddenly stands up and drops his instrument* I don’t want to work with you anyways!
[Asuka] Me neither! *suddenly looks less hot-blooded* Actually, all this hatred, is making me passionate. No, hot. You’re making me hot, Shinji!
[Shinji] *blushing* Huh!?
{Asuka, now with a big smile on her face, grabs Shinji to embrace him. Shinji looks very uncomfortable.}
[Asuka] Make love to me, Shinji! Right here, right now!
[Shinji] But, I don’t want to!
{Shinji breaks Asuka’s grip on him, and dashes off. Asuka makes a pouty expression.}
[Asuka] That’s just like him, running away at the first sign of hormones.
{The scene is now outside the school. Shinji is standing next to the school building. He looks down, perhaps because he is depressed. He doesn’t move nor say anything. After a while, Kaworu Nagisa, in school uniform, approaches him. He is faintly smiling.}
[Kaworu] Bad day, today?
[Shinji] Yeah.
[Kaworu] Do you want to talk about it?
[Shinji] I’d rather not.
[Kaworu] I saw you practicing your act with Asuka.
[Shinji] You saw that?
[Kaworu] Yes. I believe I know what you’re going through.
[Shinji] Oh really?
[Kaworu] Yes. I have reason to believe that there is sexual tension between you and Asuka.
[Shinji] What!? Sexual tension!? That’s not it! Well, not on my part anyways.
[Kaworu] Do you want to have sexual intercourse with Asuka?
[Shinji] What? What kind of a question is that?
[Kaworu] Maybe you want to say, “yes”, but you are too in denial to bring yourself to admit it, even to me.
[Shinji] That’s not it! You really shouldn’t be so presumptuous, Kaworu-kun.
[Kaworu] Are you sure? What about Rei? Would you like to have sexual intercourse with her?
[Shinji] Okay, you’re making me really uncomfortable, you know that? And I’m not answering that question, either.
[Kaworu] Would you if she wasn’t a genetic clone of your mother? Would you if she wasn’t part Angel?
[Shinji] Go away before I send for Misato-sensei.
[Kaworu] Say, out of curiosity, would you like to have sexual intercourse with me?
{Shinji displays a shocked expression at Kaworu.}
[Shinji] What!? No! I’m not into . . . I’m not interested in you that way!
[Kaworu] There is nothing unnatural about wanting to perform sexual intercourse with someone of the same gender. It occurs in all sexual species, humans included.
[Shinji] Maybe so, but I’m not . . . I’m only interested in girls. Human girls.
[Kaworu] Oh, that’s right. Humans. I guess that leaves me out of the equation.
[Shinji] You out of the equation? *looks like he remembered something* Oh wait! That’s right! You’re not actually human! I just remembered; you’re my enemy! And for that . . . wait, didn’t I already kill you?
{Suddenly, the scene is now outside, at a watermelon patch just outside of Tokyo-3. Shinji finds Ryoji Kaji, standing around waiting for him. Shinji approaches Ryoji.}
[Shinji] Kaji-san! It’s a good thing you’re here!
[Ryoji] Hey Shinji-kun. What’s up?
[Shinji] There’s something weird going on.
[Ryoji] Weird? What do you mean?
[Shinji] Well, It’s hard to describe. It’s like, well, I know I’m gonna sound like an anime otaku for phrasing it like this, but I feel like my life has become like an episode of Lucky Star.
[Ryoji] Lucky Star? Never heard of it.
[Shinji] Well, it was a comedy about high school girls, and, what the show is famous for is its story is very loose. What often happens is you’ll see a brief scene, then it will suddenly cut to a different scene, then cut to another scene until the end. Many of these short sketches don’t ever get resolved.
[Ryoji] Hmm. You’re saying your life is like a comedy anime?
[Shinji] Not exactly. It’s like, one moment, I’m in Misato-san’s apartment, then the next, I’m at school, and Misato-san is now my homeroom teacher, but then, I see Rei-chan and Asuka-chan try to kill each other in their Evas and suddenly Misato-san is not my homeroom teacher anymore, and sometimes, Rei-chan is struggling with what it’s like to be human, and other times, she’s a ditzy teen girl, and it’s all so very, very confusing. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t even know what’s real anymore!
[Ryoji] Third Impact!
[Shinji] Third Impact? You mean, I’m experiencing something like the Second Impact?
[Ryoji] Similar, but worse. Concerning the Second Impact, all that happened was the melting of the polar ice caps and a few billion dead people. Concerning the Third Impact, it’s much worse. I should’ve told you this sooner, Shinji-kun, but I thought you would’ve figured it out for yourself by now. Basically, we are living in the aftermath of the Third Impact; Human Instrumentality. In Human Instrumentality, the very laws of physics themselves are broken. Reality is now un-reality. The future is the past, and the past is the future. Everything you learned in life prior to the Third Impact, no longer applies now.
[Shinji] So . . . that would explain how you’re here, despite the fact that you’re supposed to be dead.
[Ryoji] Dead? Me? I’m not dead! Look at me: I’m breathing, talking, still somewhat-handsome, and you say I’m dead!? Pishaw! Oh wait, maybe, after the Third Impact, I came back to life. Awesome! Well, you see, there’s an example of Human Instrumentality right there; the dead can be alive.
[Shinji] Really? *suddenly looks excited* So does that mean I can see my mother again!?
[Ryoji] I would imagine.
{At that precise moment, a female voice can be heard in the distance.}
[Voice] Shinji! Shinji, where are you?
{A figure appears in the distance. The figure moves closer to Shinji. Shinji sees that it is Yui Ikari, his mother. He smiles a heartwarming smile.}
[Shinji] Mother!
{Shinji runs to Yui. He is about to embrace her, but right before he does, he stops and notices something about Yui.}
[Shinji] (mumbled really quickly) Holy snap you look just like Rei Ayanami. (Back to normal speaking pace.) Except with brown eyes and brown hair. Oh whatever! It’s good to see you again!
{Shinji and Yui hug each other. They then release. They’re both smiling.}
[Yui] Wow, you’ve gotten so big! I remember when you were *holds her hand near Shinji’s waist* this tall!
[Shinji] *giggles* I know!
[Ryoji] Hello, Yui-san. I see you’re still as smexy as ever.
[Yui] *giggles* Oh, Ryoji-san! You never stop, do you? Then again, I figured my little Shin-chan would be spending time with you!
[Shinji] Oh yes! He’s been teaching me all sorts of things, like the Third Impact, and Misato-san’s bad habits, and everything in-between!
[Ryoji] Boy, I swear, I really do envy Gendo-san. To paraphrase the Westerners, you are still a MILF.
[Yui] *nervous smile* Oh, stop it, Ryoji-san! What if my husband hears us?
[Ryoji] Oh, it doesn’t matter. You know Misato’s my one and only, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the company of other beautiful women, now can I?
{Everyone laughs. The scene suddenly changes to the surface of the bright side of Earth’s moon. There is nothing visible. Two voices are heard.}
[Voice 1] Well, that’s it; the Angels lost, so the humans inherit the Earth. You could say that for the human race, everything is going, (in impression) exactly as planned.
[Voice 2] (sounding irritated) Oh god damn it, Sachiel.
[Sachiel?] What!? What’s wrong with making a reference to something humans created for their own entertainment? Oh wait, is it because Death Note is popular with “normal people”, and therefore, you automatically hate it by principle?
{It is revealed that all of the Angels, except for Adam, Lilith, Tabris as Kaworu, and Lilim, are on the moon. “Voice 2" belongs to Shamshel.}
[Shamshel] No, it’s not that. It’s just, are we really in a position to be quoting our conquerors so frivolously?
[Ramiel] Hey, you two, since when did you ever, talk? In fact, why am I even talking right now?
[Gaghiel] Well, ya know, we’ve always had the ability to talk. It’s just that, we were never in contact with each other, and the humans can’t interpret our speech, but now we’re all here, so, it’s kinda surprising.
[Sachiel] Speaking of which, what are we doing on the moon? Aren’t we supposed to be on Earth?
[Ramiel] Well, we were, but now we’re dead, and the moon is Hell. Or maybe, the moon is Heaven, I can’t say for sure. It really depends on how you look at it; are we better off here, where no humans can bug us, or are we doomed to an existence of banality with nothing but each other for company, for the rest of eternity?
[Sachiel] Yeah, but, why the moon? Do you get what I’m saying?
[Israfel] Simple, because the Spear of Longinus poked a hole here. Even though that mighty lance is gone now, we can’t help but be attracted to the presence it made here.
[Sandalphon] Yeah, but, aren’t we supposed to be dead? I always thought that when you die, you just became another part of the Circle of Life, but, we’re here instead.
[Shamshel] Yeah, it’s strange. The last thing I remember before ending up here was being killed by a Japanese kid controlling a modified one of us. Oh hey, now that I think about it, is it just me, or were all the people who were able to kill us all from Japan?
[Matariel] Well, except for that one girl from Germany, they were all Japanese. And even that German girl was part Japanese. I can’t be sure if there’s something special about the Japanese people, or if it was just some coincidence.
[Sahaquiel] That’s probably because the one originally controlling us was Japanese.
[Israfel] Huh?
[Sahaquiel] You see, have you ever gotten the impression that someone was controlling you? Controlling your every action? A person with god-like powers over people? I have. I call this person, “Author.” You see, the Author originally controlling us was Japanese. He probably made all the battles take place in or near Tokyo for regional familiarity. But then, a few other Authors took control of us, and most of them were also Japanese. But now, as of this second, the Author currently controlling us is not Japanese, but rather, American.
[Sandalphon] If that theory of yours is correct, it may explain why we’re all speaking perfect English as opposed to Japanese, no?
[Sahaquiel] It’s no theory, it’s the truth. Although only one Author can control us at any given time, it boggles the mind considering the power they wield over the cosmos.
[Sachiel] Hey wait, how do you know all this? Where’s your proof? The burden of proof does lie with you, friend.
[Sahaquiel] Just ask Leliel.
[Leliel] I can hear the thoughts of the current Author. You could say, that I am, an “Author Avatar.” He’s telling me that, “I’ve never really done surreal writing before, but then I realized, what better way to practice surreal writing, then writing a script fic based off none other than Evangelion itself? And to make things interesting, I didn’t base my fic off any one of the Eva universes, but rather, all of them: the tv series, the manga series, the End of Eva, the dating sims, the Rebuild movies, everything short of the manga series where the Evas are Wild Arms-esque weapons. There’s elements of the different canons everywhere, and true to the spirit of Evangelion, none of it makes any sense whatsoever.”
[Ramiel] . . . Okay, I did not make any sense of that, whatsoever.
[Sachiel] Hey, did you just repeat the last line of the so-called “Author’s Note”?
[Ramiel] Maybe I did. I wouldn’t be surprised if we all started talking like him.
[Iruel] I’m a computer virus!
[Israfel] SHUT UP, IRUEL!
{Suddenly, the scene is now a black space of nothingness. A spotlight appears, showing Shinji in his school uniform. Another spotlight appears near Shinji, this one showing Rei in her school uniform. A third spotlight appears, showing Asuka in her school uniform. Rei and Asuka look at Shinji with delight, but do not approach him. Shinji looks very confused.}
[Rei] Shinji-kun, before I met you, I was lifeless, but now, I feel truly alive! I wanna snuggle with you!
[Asuka] Don’t listen to her, Shinji! I’m the one for you! I’m highly accomplished, and I have auburn hair! Don’t tell me that doesn’t turn you on!
[Rei] But, we have so much in common, and not just our genetic material!
[Asuka] But, out of all the boys in school, I hate you just a little less!
{Shinji falls down to his knees. He closes his eyes and covers his ears. He begins shouting in a psychotic manner.}
[Shinji] AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!!!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!! I CAN’T TAKE THIS MADNESS ANYMORE!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME, PLEASE!!!!!!!
{At that moment, Shinji hears the voice of Gendo.}
[Gendo] You truly are my son, Shinji. You’ve managed to get not one, but two women to go wild over you. I must admit, I’m impressed.
[Shinji] *still covering his ears and closing his eyes* D-Dad?
[Gendo] You’ve matured so much, my son. At first, I thought you were some meek little boy who wanted nothing more than to finish school and become a salaryman for the rest of his life. Now, I see that you are truly special.
{Shinji open his eyes, uncovers his ears, and stands up. Rei and Asuka watch him with fascination, but do not say anything.}
[Shinji] Dad, I . . . I’ve never heard you praise me like that before.
[Gendo] But now, you have another task ahead of you. You must now . . . choose a mate.
{Shinji looks startled.}
[Shinji] A-A mate!? You mean, like a girlfriend!?
[Gendo] Precisely. You see, Shinji, you may already know this, but as your father, I shall tell you in my own words. The world can be summed up in four words: everything is about sex. It is a rather blunt description, but it is the truth. Do you really think that human civilization would’ve perpetuated for as long as it has if everything wasn’t about sex? How else can you explain the prevalence of pornography on the internet? How do you suppose certain species don’t become extinct over the years? Simple, because everything is about sex. If it weren’t for sex, you wouldn’t be here, and neither would anybody else. But now it’s time for you to partake in this ritual. These women desire you, and I know that you have some level of attraction towards the First and Second Child.
[Shinji] *looks at Rei* Well, Rei-chan is very respectful, and isn’t abusive, and I would say we get along better, but the truth is, she’s a clone of my mom. And also part Angel. And since the Third Impact, I’ve learned that Rei was going to be my given name if I was a girl, so in a sense, it would mean I’m making love to my mom, and my sister. I don’t think that would be right.
[Rei] But it’s okay, Shinji-kun! If you’re worried about having deformed kids, I can always take The Pill! And we could get a sperm donor!
[Shinji] *looks at Asuka* On the other hand, Asuka-chan is very full of life, very passionate. A day with her would never be a boring day, what with her never-say-die attitude. But she’s still very immature, and very childish. Okay, not that I’m a huge improvement, but it’s hard for me to forgive her for the times she’s hurt me.
[Asuka] Oh, don’t worry about that! I’ll get better, I promise! I’ll get better, just for you!
[Gendo] Ah yes, classic approach-avoidance conflict. You can hesitate, but only for so long.
[Shinji] Can I be with Misato-san instead? Maybe when I get older? I like her.
[Gendo] You can’t. She already has Ryoji Kaji.
[Shinji] Oh. What if . . . I don’t choose either of them? Maybe I’ll find someone else down the line.
[Gendo] You can’t do that, either. Doing so would leave both the First and Second Child heartbroken.
[Shinji] What about Kaworu-kun? Oh wait, I have a love-hate relationship with him. He was nicer to me than anyone else. On the other hand, he forced me to kill him. That, and his lack of understanding human society would be a bit of a problem. *glances at Rei* Um. *glances at Asuka* Uh.
{Shinji spreads open his arms and speaks in a decisive manner.}
[Shinji] I cannot choose one over the other. Therefore, anyone interested in me, have at it, or leave quietly!
[Asuka] *huge smile on her face* Shinji! *dashes towards Shinji*
[Rei] *huge smile on her face* Darling! *dashes towards Shinji*
{Rei and Asuka glomp Shinji simultaneously. At that moment, everything fades to black. Shinji’s voice is heard.}
[Shinji] I’m so fucked up.
{The end.}
It's a lot longer than my previous 'fics here, but it's worth it. A brief description, my fanfic is not canon. Also, the whole point of it is nothing makes sense, so please don't take it too seriously. Then again, for the most part, it's a comedy, so don't expect to take it seriously.
Why the Eva fanfic? Well, Anno wants those who've seen the Eva anime to make up their own minds as to what happened in the end. So this 'fic is my theory. Everything else will be explained in the 'fic itself. Lastly, although 99 percent of the content is in English, unless otherwise noted, it's assumed the characters are speaking Japanese. That might explain the presence of Japanese honorifics. Let's get started!
xm0123's Domain Presents: Rebuild of the End of Shin Seiki Evangelion: Angelic Girlfriend of Steel Days @ Ikari Raising Academy.
{The scene is Misato’s apartment. Misato is sitting at the kitchen table with her head down. She is presumably crying. She is wearing shorts and a short sleeved shirt. Shinji Ikari enters the room. He is wearing his school uniform. He seats himself next to Misato. He looks concerned for her well-being.}
[Shinji] Misato-san, I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone you love like you did, but please, I don’t want you to be like this forever. When I see you depressed like this, it makes me depressed too. I like you most when you’re happy, when you’re drinking, when you’re making fun of me. *grins* Even though I might be irritated when you do that, it at least lets me know that you’re enjoying yourself. And, through everything, I think you’ll find someone who can replace Kaji-san. I mean, why wouldn’t someone want you? You’re really pretty, you can get the job done, you’re friendly when you want to be . . . please, just talk to me, Misato-san.
{At that precise moment. Misato throws her head up, with her eyes closed and with a large smile on her face.}
[Misato] I’M SO WASTED!!!!!
[Shinji] *blushing* Eh!?
{Misato, who was holding a beer can concealed by her long hair, begins talking, drunk out of her mind.}
[Misato] Did I just hear Shin-chan give me a prep speech? There’s no way that could ever happen! *glances over at Shinji* Oh? *mischievous grin* You really did, didn’t you, Shin-chan?
[Shinji] *blushing* Uh, well, um.
[Misato] And did you say I was pretty? Aww, that’s so thoughtful of you, Shin-chan! Always thinking of a woman’s feelings when addressing her!
[Shinji] *still blushing* But, uh, it’s not what you think! Honest!
[Misato] Oh? But don’t you still wanna comfort me? Poor old me? *stands up with her arms spread, as if she were about to hug* Give me a hug, you adorable Eva pilot, you!
[Shinji] *blushing* Uh, maybe some other time! You seem okay now! Bye!
{Shinji runs off. Misato sits back down, looking disappointed.}
[Misato] He’s never gonna get a girl if he keeps running away like that.
{All of a sudden, the scene is now Rei’s apartment. Rei Ayanami is sitting on her bed in fetal position. She is wearing a nightgown. She appears emotionless, and doesn’t speak. She instead thinks.}
[Rei] (thinking to herself) Why is it that everywhere I go, everything I do, he’s on my mind? I don’t understand. I know that he, being the Third Child, is an Eva pilot like me, and we have fought many Angels side by side, but I feel, I feel like he has become a part of my life. I can’t stop thinking about him.
{Rei holds up her right hand, with the palm side facing toward her face.}
[Rei] I want to . . . I want to hold him, let him know that I’m here for him. I want him to be safe. I . . . I don’t know what I’d do if he were to suddenly die. I don’t know.
{Rei is now lying on her side.}
[Rei] My heart races whenever I think about him. I worry more about him than I do the mission, or Commander Ikari, or even myself. Why is it that, of all the people that I’ve met in my life, I feel this way for him? Tell me Shinji-kun. Tell me, is my concern for you what they call . . . love?
{The scene is suddenly now the school. Shinji, Toji Suzuhara, Kensuke Aida, Asuka Langley Soryu, and Hikari Hokari are walking down a hallway. They are in uniform. They are having random conversations about whatever.}
[Kensuke] Did you know that, contrary to popular belief, the AK-47 actually does not break down very easily? Yeah! It’s actually one of the most reliable assault rifles in modern warfare!
[Toji] It was tha third quarta, we were down five points, and I had ta make thuh free throw. I was nervous as Hell.
[Shinji] Oh, everything’s the same. Mom and Dad read the newspaper, Asuka-chan made fun of me again.
[Hikari] Have you seen the new transfer student? He’s really cute!
[Asuka] Are you sure? He kinda looks like a girl if you ask me.
{At that moment, Ritsuko Akagi, the school nurse, walks by. Shinji, Kensuke, and Toji look very excited. Hikari and Asuka are displaying pouty expressions.}
[Shinji & Toji & Kensuke] HELLLLOOOOOOOOO NURSE!
[Ritsuko] Hey guys! Have you been staying out of trouble?
[Shinji & Toji & Kensuke] YES NURSE AKAGI!
[Ritsuko] Okay then, take care!
{Ritsuko walks off. The boys are dazed.}
[Kensuke] Nurse Akagi is absolutely gorgeous!
[Toji] You sed it! She can court me ANYTIME!
[Shinji] I know! She really brightens up the school!
{The girls are still pouting.}
[Asuka & Hikari] Boys are such idiots, I swear.
[Kensuke] So, Shinji-kun, got any plans for after school?
[Shinji] Well, assuming an Angel doesn’t suddenly attack.
{Shinji is interrupted by an unseen person’s voice.}
[Unseen Person’s Voice] THERE YOU ARE!
{From out of nowhere, Rei Ayanami glomps Shinji. The other kids do not look surprised.}
[Hikari] Oh hey, Ayanami-chan.
{Rei is now holding Shinji’s hands, with a smile on her face.}
[Rei] So, how’s my favorite shonen holding up?
[Shinji] Uh, okay, I guess.
[Rei] *with her eyes closed* Fantabulastic!
{The students are now in a classroom, seated at their desks. Rei strikes up a conversation with Asuka.}
[Rei] Oh hey, can I see your math paper from last night?
[Asuka] What for? Do you need to compare answers?
[Rei] *looking away from Asuka* Umm.
[Asuka] *looking angry* You just wanna copy my answers again, don’t you!?
{Rei nervously nods her head.}
[Asuka] Geez, When are you ever gonna take responsibility for yourself? Is it so hard to do your homework for just one night?
{At that moment, Misato, the homeroom teacher, walks in.}
[Misato] Alright, everyone, take your seats, and we’ll begin role call.
{Shinji notices Misato, but looks puzzled.}
[Shinji] (thinking to himself) Hey, wait. Wasn’t Misato-san in her apartment just a moment ago?
{Suddenly, the scene is now NERV HQ. Rei and Asuka are in an elevator that’s going down. They are in their plugsuits. Asuka looks like she’s about to start fighting Rei. Rei is avoiding eye contact with Asuka. Asuka breaks the ice.}
[Asuka] Well, aren’t you gonna say anything? Or are you above talking, Wonder Doll? You always stand there, trying to look sooooooooooo cool, trying to be some killer ice queen or something. Well let me tell you something; even if you are favored by Shinji’s dad, you’ll never amount to anything. Certainly not like me. (In a much more sinister tone of voice) And let me make something else clear; don’t come between me and Shinji!
{Asuka tears her eyes away from Rei, not saying a word. There is an awkward silence. Then, Rei speaks up.}
[Rei] If you like Shinji-kun that much, then why are you so abusive to him?
[Asuka] *looking surprised* What!? Abusive!? I don’t . . . wait, since when did you care about Shinji? Or rather, why?
{Rei looks at Asuka. Her facial expression doesn’t change, but her eyes seem as though they are staring right through Asuka.}
[Rei] Because I don’t like it when you mistreat him. It upsets me.
[Asuka] Oh that’s it, you stupid little.
{Asuka attempts to slap Rei. Right before Asuka’s hand reaches Rei’s face, Rei grabs Asuka’s wrist.}
[Rei] Let’s not settle this here, but rather, in our Evas.
{Suddenly, the scene is now outside, on a grassy hill. Shinji, Kensuke, and Toji are having a picnic.}
[Toji] Man, I tell ya, practice really saps thuh life outta ya!
{Before anyone could say another word, Eva-00 and Eva-02 suddenly rise from the ground. Once active, they appear to be fighting each other in hand-to-hand combat. The NERV Control Center witnesses all of this. Misato, Ritsuko, Maya Ibuki, Shigeru Aoba, and Makoto Hyuuga are panicked by what they see. Gendo Ikari and Kozo Fuyutsuki are also present, but appear calm and in control of the situation.}
[Makoto] Sir, Eva-00 and Eva-02 have just performed an unauthorized sortie!
[Ritsuko] Is it the First and Second Child!?
[Maya] Confirmed! It’s their lifesigns!
[Misato] (to Asuka and Rei via radio) Just what the Hell do you think you’re doing!?
[Asuka] (to Misato via radio) Shut up! You stay out of this!
[Gendo] Cut off all power to the Evas.
[Makoto] Roger! *presses a series of buttons*
{Meanwhile, back at the grassy hill, Shinji, Kensuke, and Toji witness the Evas fighting each other.}
[Kensuke] Holy shit, dude! Are Rei-chan and Asuka-chan trying to kill each other inside those things!?
[Toji] Hey, ya know what dis means? We’re witnessin’ a cat fight! A giant mecha cat fight! Woot WOOT!
[Kensuke] Hey Shinji-kun, do you know why they’d wanna fight each other?
[Shinji] Uh, well, they never really did get along with each other, but, I’d never thought they’d take it this far.
{Back at the NERV Command Center, everyone is anxiously waiting for the Evas’ internal batteries to run out.}
[Kozo] Commander, do you have any idea as to why the two of them would attempt to kill one another?
[Gendo] I can’t say at this time.
[Shigeru] Oh, look what I found on the security feed!
{Shigeru’s computer shows when Rei and Asuka nearly came to blows in the elevator.}
[Shigeru] It appears the First and Second Child are still, well, children. They’re still young and naive enough to still foolishly believe in that self-delusion called “love.”
[Makoto] Shut up, Aoba!
{Suddenly, the scene is now the school concert hall. Shinji is seated on a chair playing on his cello. He plays alone, uninterrupted, when all of a sudden, a voice belonging to Asuka interrupts him.}
[Asuka] Stop! Stop! You’re doing it all wrong!
{Asuka appears, wearing a dance costume. She is frustrated, as is Shinji.}
[Shinji] Oh, what did I do wrong now!?
[Asuka] Every other note you hit was either too sharp or too flat! How am I supposed to practice when you keep screwing up the music!?
[Shinji] What!? I’m playing it exactly as it appears on the sheet!
[Asuka] Well play it better!
[Shinji] Geez, does nothing satisfy you?
[Asuka] Oh, be quiet.
{Shinji begins playing the cello again. Asuka dances for a short time, then suddenly stops.}
[Asuka] No, no, no, NO! God, why do Japanese always screw up the most basic music?
[Shinji] Hey, my background has nothing to do with my talent! Don’t bring race into this! Besides, aren’t you half-Japanese, yourself? Wouldn’t that make you racist toward yourself?
[Asuka] Shinji, do me a favor; shut. UP. From the top.
{Shinji plays the cello again. Asuka dances. Then she stops. She looks furious.}
[Asuka] Shinji! If you can’t play the piece, I’ll find someone who will.
[Shinji] Well fine! *suddenly stands up and drops his instrument* I don’t want to work with you anyways!
[Asuka] Me neither! *suddenly looks less hot-blooded* Actually, all this hatred, is making me passionate. No, hot. You’re making me hot, Shinji!
[Shinji] *blushing* Huh!?
{Asuka, now with a big smile on her face, grabs Shinji to embrace him. Shinji looks very uncomfortable.}
[Asuka] Make love to me, Shinji! Right here, right now!
[Shinji] But, I don’t want to!
{Shinji breaks Asuka’s grip on him, and dashes off. Asuka makes a pouty expression.}
[Asuka] That’s just like him, running away at the first sign of hormones.
{The scene is now outside the school. Shinji is standing next to the school building. He looks down, perhaps because he is depressed. He doesn’t move nor say anything. After a while, Kaworu Nagisa, in school uniform, approaches him. He is faintly smiling.}
[Kaworu] Bad day, today?
[Shinji] Yeah.
[Kaworu] Do you want to talk about it?
[Shinji] I’d rather not.
[Kaworu] I saw you practicing your act with Asuka.
[Shinji] You saw that?
[Kaworu] Yes. I believe I know what you’re going through.
[Shinji] Oh really?
[Kaworu] Yes. I have reason to believe that there is sexual tension between you and Asuka.
[Shinji] What!? Sexual tension!? That’s not it! Well, not on my part anyways.
[Kaworu] Do you want to have sexual intercourse with Asuka?
[Shinji] What? What kind of a question is that?
[Kaworu] Maybe you want to say, “yes”, but you are too in denial to bring yourself to admit it, even to me.
[Shinji] That’s not it! You really shouldn’t be so presumptuous, Kaworu-kun.
[Kaworu] Are you sure? What about Rei? Would you like to have sexual intercourse with her?
[Shinji] Okay, you’re making me really uncomfortable, you know that? And I’m not answering that question, either.
[Kaworu] Would you if she wasn’t a genetic clone of your mother? Would you if she wasn’t part Angel?
[Shinji] Go away before I send for Misato-sensei.
[Kaworu] Say, out of curiosity, would you like to have sexual intercourse with me?
{Shinji displays a shocked expression at Kaworu.}
[Shinji] What!? No! I’m not into . . . I’m not interested in you that way!
[Kaworu] There is nothing unnatural about wanting to perform sexual intercourse with someone of the same gender. It occurs in all sexual species, humans included.
[Shinji] Maybe so, but I’m not . . . I’m only interested in girls. Human girls.
[Kaworu] Oh, that’s right. Humans. I guess that leaves me out of the equation.
[Shinji] You out of the equation? *looks like he remembered something* Oh wait! That’s right! You’re not actually human! I just remembered; you’re my enemy! And for that . . . wait, didn’t I already kill you?
{Suddenly, the scene is now outside, at a watermelon patch just outside of Tokyo-3. Shinji finds Ryoji Kaji, standing around waiting for him. Shinji approaches Ryoji.}
[Shinji] Kaji-san! It’s a good thing you’re here!
[Ryoji] Hey Shinji-kun. What’s up?
[Shinji] There’s something weird going on.
[Ryoji] Weird? What do you mean?
[Shinji] Well, It’s hard to describe. It’s like, well, I know I’m gonna sound like an anime otaku for phrasing it like this, but I feel like my life has become like an episode of Lucky Star.
[Ryoji] Lucky Star? Never heard of it.
[Shinji] Well, it was a comedy about high school girls, and, what the show is famous for is its story is very loose. What often happens is you’ll see a brief scene, then it will suddenly cut to a different scene, then cut to another scene until the end. Many of these short sketches don’t ever get resolved.
[Ryoji] Hmm. You’re saying your life is like a comedy anime?
[Shinji] Not exactly. It’s like, one moment, I’m in Misato-san’s apartment, then the next, I’m at school, and Misato-san is now my homeroom teacher, but then, I see Rei-chan and Asuka-chan try to kill each other in their Evas and suddenly Misato-san is not my homeroom teacher anymore, and sometimes, Rei-chan is struggling with what it’s like to be human, and other times, she’s a ditzy teen girl, and it’s all so very, very confusing. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t even know what’s real anymore!
[Ryoji] Third Impact!
[Shinji] Third Impact? You mean, I’m experiencing something like the Second Impact?
[Ryoji] Similar, but worse. Concerning the Second Impact, all that happened was the melting of the polar ice caps and a few billion dead people. Concerning the Third Impact, it’s much worse. I should’ve told you this sooner, Shinji-kun, but I thought you would’ve figured it out for yourself by now. Basically, we are living in the aftermath of the Third Impact; Human Instrumentality. In Human Instrumentality, the very laws of physics themselves are broken. Reality is now un-reality. The future is the past, and the past is the future. Everything you learned in life prior to the Third Impact, no longer applies now.
[Shinji] So . . . that would explain how you’re here, despite the fact that you’re supposed to be dead.
[Ryoji] Dead? Me? I’m not dead! Look at me: I’m breathing, talking, still somewhat-handsome, and you say I’m dead!? Pishaw! Oh wait, maybe, after the Third Impact, I came back to life. Awesome! Well, you see, there’s an example of Human Instrumentality right there; the dead can be alive.
[Shinji] Really? *suddenly looks excited* So does that mean I can see my mother again!?
[Ryoji] I would imagine.
{At that precise moment, a female voice can be heard in the distance.}
[Voice] Shinji! Shinji, where are you?
{A figure appears in the distance. The figure moves closer to Shinji. Shinji sees that it is Yui Ikari, his mother. He smiles a heartwarming smile.}
[Shinji] Mother!
{Shinji runs to Yui. He is about to embrace her, but right before he does, he stops and notices something about Yui.}
[Shinji] (mumbled really quickly) Holy snap you look just like Rei Ayanami. (Back to normal speaking pace.) Except with brown eyes and brown hair. Oh whatever! It’s good to see you again!
{Shinji and Yui hug each other. They then release. They’re both smiling.}
[Yui] Wow, you’ve gotten so big! I remember when you were *holds her hand near Shinji’s waist* this tall!
[Shinji] *giggles* I know!
[Ryoji] Hello, Yui-san. I see you’re still as smexy as ever.
[Yui] *giggles* Oh, Ryoji-san! You never stop, do you? Then again, I figured my little Shin-chan would be spending time with you!
[Shinji] Oh yes! He’s been teaching me all sorts of things, like the Third Impact, and Misato-san’s bad habits, and everything in-between!
[Ryoji] Boy, I swear, I really do envy Gendo-san. To paraphrase the Westerners, you are still a MILF.
[Yui] *nervous smile* Oh, stop it, Ryoji-san! What if my husband hears us?
[Ryoji] Oh, it doesn’t matter. You know Misato’s my one and only, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the company of other beautiful women, now can I?
{Everyone laughs. The scene suddenly changes to the surface of the bright side of Earth’s moon. There is nothing visible. Two voices are heard.}
[Voice 1] Well, that’s it; the Angels lost, so the humans inherit the Earth. You could say that for the human race, everything is going, (in impression) exactly as planned.
[Voice 2] (sounding irritated) Oh god damn it, Sachiel.
[Sachiel?] What!? What’s wrong with making a reference to something humans created for their own entertainment? Oh wait, is it because Death Note is popular with “normal people”, and therefore, you automatically hate it by principle?
{It is revealed that all of the Angels, except for Adam, Lilith, Tabris as Kaworu, and Lilim, are on the moon. “Voice 2" belongs to Shamshel.}
[Shamshel] No, it’s not that. It’s just, are we really in a position to be quoting our conquerors so frivolously?
[Ramiel] Hey, you two, since when did you ever, talk? In fact, why am I even talking right now?
[Gaghiel] Well, ya know, we’ve always had the ability to talk. It’s just that, we were never in contact with each other, and the humans can’t interpret our speech, but now we’re all here, so, it’s kinda surprising.
[Sachiel] Speaking of which, what are we doing on the moon? Aren’t we supposed to be on Earth?
[Ramiel] Well, we were, but now we’re dead, and the moon is Hell. Or maybe, the moon is Heaven, I can’t say for sure. It really depends on how you look at it; are we better off here, where no humans can bug us, or are we doomed to an existence of banality with nothing but each other for company, for the rest of eternity?
[Sachiel] Yeah, but, why the moon? Do you get what I’m saying?
[Israfel] Simple, because the Spear of Longinus poked a hole here. Even though that mighty lance is gone now, we can’t help but be attracted to the presence it made here.
[Sandalphon] Yeah, but, aren’t we supposed to be dead? I always thought that when you die, you just became another part of the Circle of Life, but, we’re here instead.
[Shamshel] Yeah, it’s strange. The last thing I remember before ending up here was being killed by a Japanese kid controlling a modified one of us. Oh hey, now that I think about it, is it just me, or were all the people who were able to kill us all from Japan?
[Matariel] Well, except for that one girl from Germany, they were all Japanese. And even that German girl was part Japanese. I can’t be sure if there’s something special about the Japanese people, or if it was just some coincidence.
[Sahaquiel] That’s probably because the one originally controlling us was Japanese.
[Israfel] Huh?
[Sahaquiel] You see, have you ever gotten the impression that someone was controlling you? Controlling your every action? A person with god-like powers over people? I have. I call this person, “Author.” You see, the Author originally controlling us was Japanese. He probably made all the battles take place in or near Tokyo for regional familiarity. But then, a few other Authors took control of us, and most of them were also Japanese. But now, as of this second, the Author currently controlling us is not Japanese, but rather, American.
[Sandalphon] If that theory of yours is correct, it may explain why we’re all speaking perfect English as opposed to Japanese, no?
[Sahaquiel] It’s no theory, it’s the truth. Although only one Author can control us at any given time, it boggles the mind considering the power they wield over the cosmos.
[Sachiel] Hey wait, how do you know all this? Where’s your proof? The burden of proof does lie with you, friend.
[Sahaquiel] Just ask Leliel.
[Leliel] I can hear the thoughts of the current Author. You could say, that I am, an “Author Avatar.” He’s telling me that, “I’ve never really done surreal writing before, but then I realized, what better way to practice surreal writing, then writing a script fic based off none other than Evangelion itself? And to make things interesting, I didn’t base my fic off any one of the Eva universes, but rather, all of them: the tv series, the manga series, the End of Eva, the dating sims, the Rebuild movies, everything short of the manga series where the Evas are Wild Arms-esque weapons. There’s elements of the different canons everywhere, and true to the spirit of Evangelion, none of it makes any sense whatsoever.”
[Ramiel] . . . Okay, I did not make any sense of that, whatsoever.
[Sachiel] Hey, did you just repeat the last line of the so-called “Author’s Note”?
[Ramiel] Maybe I did. I wouldn’t be surprised if we all started talking like him.
[Iruel] I’m a computer virus!
[Israfel] SHUT UP, IRUEL!
{Suddenly, the scene is now a black space of nothingness. A spotlight appears, showing Shinji in his school uniform. Another spotlight appears near Shinji, this one showing Rei in her school uniform. A third spotlight appears, showing Asuka in her school uniform. Rei and Asuka look at Shinji with delight, but do not approach him. Shinji looks very confused.}
[Rei] Shinji-kun, before I met you, I was lifeless, but now, I feel truly alive! I wanna snuggle with you!
[Asuka] Don’t listen to her, Shinji! I’m the one for you! I’m highly accomplished, and I have auburn hair! Don’t tell me that doesn’t turn you on!
[Rei] But, we have so much in common, and not just our genetic material!
[Asuka] But, out of all the boys in school, I hate you just a little less!
{Shinji falls down to his knees. He closes his eyes and covers his ears. He begins shouting in a psychotic manner.}
[Shinji] AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!!!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!! I CAN’T TAKE THIS MADNESS ANYMORE!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME, PLEASE!!!!!!!
{At that moment, Shinji hears the voice of Gendo.}
[Gendo] You truly are my son, Shinji. You’ve managed to get not one, but two women to go wild over you. I must admit, I’m impressed.
[Shinji] *still covering his ears and closing his eyes* D-Dad?
[Gendo] You’ve matured so much, my son. At first, I thought you were some meek little boy who wanted nothing more than to finish school and become a salaryman for the rest of his life. Now, I see that you are truly special.
{Shinji open his eyes, uncovers his ears, and stands up. Rei and Asuka watch him with fascination, but do not say anything.}
[Shinji] Dad, I . . . I’ve never heard you praise me like that before.
[Gendo] But now, you have another task ahead of you. You must now . . . choose a mate.
{Shinji looks startled.}
[Shinji] A-A mate!? You mean, like a girlfriend!?
[Gendo] Precisely. You see, Shinji, you may already know this, but as your father, I shall tell you in my own words. The world can be summed up in four words: everything is about sex. It is a rather blunt description, but it is the truth. Do you really think that human civilization would’ve perpetuated for as long as it has if everything wasn’t about sex? How else can you explain the prevalence of pornography on the internet? How do you suppose certain species don’t become extinct over the years? Simple, because everything is about sex. If it weren’t for sex, you wouldn’t be here, and neither would anybody else. But now it’s time for you to partake in this ritual. These women desire you, and I know that you have some level of attraction towards the First and Second Child.
[Shinji] *looks at Rei* Well, Rei-chan is very respectful, and isn’t abusive, and I would say we get along better, but the truth is, she’s a clone of my mom. And also part Angel. And since the Third Impact, I’ve learned that Rei was going to be my given name if I was a girl, so in a sense, it would mean I’m making love to my mom, and my sister. I don’t think that would be right.
[Rei] But it’s okay, Shinji-kun! If you’re worried about having deformed kids, I can always take The Pill! And we could get a sperm donor!
[Shinji] *looks at Asuka* On the other hand, Asuka-chan is very full of life, very passionate. A day with her would never be a boring day, what with her never-say-die attitude. But she’s still very immature, and very childish. Okay, not that I’m a huge improvement, but it’s hard for me to forgive her for the times she’s hurt me.
[Asuka] Oh, don’t worry about that! I’ll get better, I promise! I’ll get better, just for you!
[Gendo] Ah yes, classic approach-avoidance conflict. You can hesitate, but only for so long.
[Shinji] Can I be with Misato-san instead? Maybe when I get older? I like her.
[Gendo] You can’t. She already has Ryoji Kaji.
[Shinji] Oh. What if . . . I don’t choose either of them? Maybe I’ll find someone else down the line.
[Gendo] You can’t do that, either. Doing so would leave both the First and Second Child heartbroken.
[Shinji] What about Kaworu-kun? Oh wait, I have a love-hate relationship with him. He was nicer to me than anyone else. On the other hand, he forced me to kill him. That, and his lack of understanding human society would be a bit of a problem. *glances at Rei* Um. *glances at Asuka* Uh.
{Shinji spreads open his arms and speaks in a decisive manner.}
[Shinji] I cannot choose one over the other. Therefore, anyone interested in me, have at it, or leave quietly!
[Asuka] *huge smile on her face* Shinji! *dashes towards Shinji*
[Rei] *huge smile on her face* Darling! *dashes towards Shinji*
{Rei and Asuka glomp Shinji simultaneously. At that moment, everything fades to black. Shinji’s voice is heard.}
[Shinji] I’m so fucked up.
{The end.}
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Debating Meister
Hey guys, I had a dream last night. It started off, as a bad dream, but then, it ended, as a good dream. How? Simple, I reached for the heavens, despite all obstacles. Although inspired by Kamina, he was nowhere to be found in my dream, nor anything Gurren Lagaan-related for that matter, but I owe him my thanks for turning a bad dream into a good one.
How did it start? It started with people. People around me. People harassing me. The people around me were hating me, for a really, really, really stupid reason. No, I was not in high school again, this dream took place in the present day, in my neighborhood, at my college, and at my house. What were these people harassing me for?
Well, it's this: remember when I complained how grown men have to be careful if they like any shoujo anime, period? Yeah, well, someone found out I really like Cardcaptor Sakura.
"Oh, I get it! They assumed you were gay, because you were indulging in your girly sensitivities!"
No. That's probably what would happen in real life if someone knew that, and if they had an understanding of J-pop culture, but no, in the dream, it was worse.
They assumed I was a pedophile.
This is something I always feared. The times I admitted to liking CCS on the internet, I always feared some retard would assume I was into lolicon or kiddie porn or straight up child lovin'. I've seen people make these false accusations on the 'net before. Not to me, except in this dream. I became outcasted, for a crime I had not committed. It made me uncomfortable just to leave my house, and it pissed me off.
I did something about it, though. I sent a chain mail daring anybody who assumed I was a pedo to have a debate with me. In this debate, I would attempt to singlehandedly clear my name. The debate was held in my backyard. I let the accusers present their argument. They cited a number of things, (including this very blog! xm0123's Domain was featured in a dream!) in their case. These were there points:
-I have stated on numerous occasions that I think many female CLAMP characters are insanely cute and/or really pretty, including some of the little girl characters in CCS. (But that was all they could come up with)
Then came my refutation. I refuted that there's nothing wrong with admiring nice artwork. And it's possible for a man to think a child is insanely cute, and totally not have sexual feelings for them. The same is true of make-believe characters. Not only that, I then offered the accusers to search my hard drive for porn. They did. As they did, I covertly searched their homes, and guess what? I don't have any porn of any kind, certainly not kiddie porn. But guess that? My opponents had porn by the mountainload! Okay, none of them were pedophiles, but these hypocritical dickweeds think there's nothing wrong with being tit-obsessed misogynists. Having cleared my name, and exposed the accusers for the sexist pigs that they were, I warned them that next time they harass me like this, I'm going to respond like Sakura's lover; as in, I'll shoot a fireball at you, throw down some mad kickboxing on you, AND beat you over the head with a Chinese Jian, all at once. Seeing as how I was now fiery like Shaoran Li, they left. No one dare cross a CLAMP lover as dedicated as me!
So for those of you stupid enough to assume that grown men who like moe, shoujo, or, well, any girl-oriented aspect of J-pop culture are also automatically pedophiles, I laugh at you. I laugh, because you are making an ass of yourself. Not all of us are like Kona-chan's dad. (He's one of the more amusing characters of Lucky Star.)
And seriously, what the hell, man? Me, sexually attracted to a little heorine like Sakura-chan? Her legs are way too short and skinny to be sexy! I like my females a little more physically developed, thank-you-very-much!
GAWD!!!!!!
But hey, I triumphed in the end, that's what's important.
How did it start? It started with people. People around me. People harassing me. The people around me were hating me, for a really, really, really stupid reason. No, I was not in high school again, this dream took place in the present day, in my neighborhood, at my college, and at my house. What were these people harassing me for?
Well, it's this: remember when I complained how grown men have to be careful if they like any shoujo anime, period? Yeah, well, someone found out I really like Cardcaptor Sakura.
"Oh, I get it! They assumed you were gay, because you were indulging in your girly sensitivities!"
No. That's probably what would happen in real life if someone knew that, and if they had an understanding of J-pop culture, but no, in the dream, it was worse.
They assumed I was a pedophile.
This is something I always feared. The times I admitted to liking CCS on the internet, I always feared some retard would assume I was into lolicon or kiddie porn or straight up child lovin'. I've seen people make these false accusations on the 'net before. Not to me, except in this dream. I became outcasted, for a crime I had not committed. It made me uncomfortable just to leave my house, and it pissed me off.
I did something about it, though. I sent a chain mail daring anybody who assumed I was a pedo to have a debate with me. In this debate, I would attempt to singlehandedly clear my name. The debate was held in my backyard. I let the accusers present their argument. They cited a number of things, (including this very blog! xm0123's Domain was featured in a dream!) in their case. These were there points:
-I have stated on numerous occasions that I think many female CLAMP characters are insanely cute and/or really pretty, including some of the little girl characters in CCS. (But that was all they could come up with)
Then came my refutation. I refuted that there's nothing wrong with admiring nice artwork. And it's possible for a man to think a child is insanely cute, and totally not have sexual feelings for them. The same is true of make-believe characters. Not only that, I then offered the accusers to search my hard drive for porn. They did. As they did, I covertly searched their homes, and guess what? I don't have any porn of any kind, certainly not kiddie porn. But guess that? My opponents had porn by the mountainload! Okay, none of them were pedophiles, but these hypocritical dickweeds think there's nothing wrong with being tit-obsessed misogynists. Having cleared my name, and exposed the accusers for the sexist pigs that they were, I warned them that next time they harass me like this, I'm going to respond like Sakura's lover; as in, I'll shoot a fireball at you, throw down some mad kickboxing on you, AND beat you over the head with a Chinese Jian, all at once. Seeing as how I was now fiery like Shaoran Li, they left. No one dare cross a CLAMP lover as dedicated as me!
So for those of you stupid enough to assume that grown men who like moe, shoujo, or, well, any girl-oriented aspect of J-pop culture are also automatically pedophiles, I laugh at you. I laugh, because you are making an ass of yourself. Not all of us are like Kona-chan's dad. (He's one of the more amusing characters of Lucky Star.)
And seriously, what the hell, man? Me, sexually attracted to a little heorine like Sakura-chan? Her legs are way too short and skinny to be sexy! I like my females a little more physically developed, thank-you-very-much!
GAWD!!!!!!
But hey, I triumphed in the end, that's what's important.
End of an era.
Well, I just finished Mother 3. Everything I said about it is true: best GBA game ever, best game I've played all year, and also, one of the best RPGs ever.
This game rivals the likes of Chrono Trigger, Tales of Phantasia and The Abyss, Final Fantasy 9, and the first Kinghts of the Old Republic. This is no exaggeration. M3 is a work of art. If you thought JRPGs were becoming trite, play M3, then tell me that straight to my face. You can't. M3 is original. M3 is fresh. M3 is RPG perfection. You owe it to yourself to play M3.
Now to beg Nintendo to actually release the game worldwide . . .
(hold up, I'm working on another article right now.)
P.S. Remember when I listed all those RPGs I like more than FF6 and FF7? Yeah, Mother 3 is better than both of them.
This game rivals the likes of Chrono Trigger, Tales of Phantasia and The Abyss, Final Fantasy 9, and the first Kinghts of the Old Republic. This is no exaggeration. M3 is a work of art. If you thought JRPGs were becoming trite, play M3, then tell me that straight to my face. You can't. M3 is original. M3 is fresh. M3 is RPG perfection. You owe it to yourself to play M3.
Now to beg Nintendo to actually release the game worldwide . . .
(hold up, I'm working on another article right now.)
P.S. Remember when I listed all those RPGs I like more than FF6 and FF7? Yeah, Mother 3 is better than both of them.
Friday, December 19, 2008
The time . . . IS NOW!
Hey, despite the fact that my family was not gonna do presents this year, well, guess what? That's not exactly true.
I am receiving one gift. Know what it is?
A Microsoft Xbox 360 Pro.
The future is now! I will finally be on the cutting edge of console games once again! I'll have to hold off on buying Persona 4, seeing as how I'm getting a NEW GAME CONSOLE!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh sure, we ordered it online, and it's not supposed to come until next Tuesday, but the anticipation is already killing me. By Monday, I'm gonna go ahead and rent some 360 games in time for Xmas. Oh yeah.
But, to keep myself occupied, I'm nearly finished with Mother 3. If the walkthrough is right, then I should be at the second-to-last boss of the game. It's been one hell of a ride. An RPG I played for the first time this year that's better than Persona 3. In fact, I'm gonna already go ahead and declare M3 the best game I played this year. It truly is a marvel of the gaming world.
And so, once I am done with M3, and since I may not get P4 for the time being, I can say goodbye to the PS2/GC/GBA/original Xbox generation finally . . . unless if I get Disgaea 2. But otherwise, I have made it official; of the three tv consoles out right now, it is Microsoft that has earned my family's spending dollar. More advanced than the Wii, and with a more noteworthy library than both the PS3 and Wii. Look out, Internet, here I come!
Now, let's just hope I don't get the Red Ring of Death. (even if that does happen, I can always replace the 360. And the detachable hard drive would enable me to start right back where I left off.)
Current mood: Ecstatic!
I am receiving one gift. Know what it is?
A Microsoft Xbox 360 Pro.
The future is now! I will finally be on the cutting edge of console games once again! I'll have to hold off on buying Persona 4, seeing as how I'm getting a NEW GAME CONSOLE!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh sure, we ordered it online, and it's not supposed to come until next Tuesday, but the anticipation is already killing me. By Monday, I'm gonna go ahead and rent some 360 games in time for Xmas. Oh yeah.
But, to keep myself occupied, I'm nearly finished with Mother 3. If the walkthrough is right, then I should be at the second-to-last boss of the game. It's been one hell of a ride. An RPG I played for the first time this year that's better than Persona 3. In fact, I'm gonna already go ahead and declare M3 the best game I played this year. It truly is a marvel of the gaming world.
And so, once I am done with M3, and since I may not get P4 for the time being, I can say goodbye to the PS2/GC/GBA/original Xbox generation finally . . . unless if I get Disgaea 2. But otherwise, I have made it official; of the three tv consoles out right now, it is Microsoft that has earned my family's spending dollar. More advanced than the Wii, and with a more noteworthy library than both the PS3 and Wii. Look out, Internet, here I come!
Now, let's just hope I don't get the Red Ring of Death. (even if that does happen, I can always replace the 360. And the detachable hard drive would enable me to start right back where I left off.)
Current mood: Ecstatic!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
It's gonna happen, whether you like it or not
Ho ho ho, everybody! Today's been a manga-filled day for me! I finally bought vol. 19 of Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle, and man, is it a doozy! The CLAMP haters are missing out on one of the most exciting volumes yet! Only thing is, it's gonna be a while before the next volume comes out.
OH NOES!
Yeah, sucks to be me. Oh well. 2009, here I come!
By the way, when I was at the bookstore, I sat down and read the fourth volume of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This is when Asuka makes her first appearance in the manga.
Oh. My. Gawd.
She is even more of a psychobitch! She's even more childish! She's even more selfish! And not only that, she's even more of a typical "tsundere"! She acts very sweet in front of grownups, yet is really mean to any kid her age! She's so outrageous, like a manga version of Veruca Salt!
And for that, she is now my 2nd favorite Eva character.
"UH OH!"
Yep, since Yoshiyuki Sadamoto drastically improved Asuka's characterization, I have no choice but to follow in the footsteps of countless other fanboys and write . . . an Eva fanfic! And, much like with my previous 'fics, it will be a xm0123's Domain exclusive, since I like to do script fics, and fanfiction.com won't allow script fics. I'm brainstorming ideas already, and maybe I'll have it finished . . . sometime in the near future.
Oh, by the way, in the manga, there's even more tension between Rei and Asuka. I'd like to see how their rivalry turns out. I'm curious.
OH NOES!
Yeah, sucks to be me. Oh well. 2009, here I come!
By the way, when I was at the bookstore, I sat down and read the fourth volume of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This is when Asuka makes her first appearance in the manga.
Oh. My. Gawd.
She is even more of a psychobitch! She's even more childish! She's even more selfish! And not only that, she's even more of a typical "tsundere"! She acts very sweet in front of grownups, yet is really mean to any kid her age! She's so outrageous, like a manga version of Veruca Salt!
And for that, she is now my 2nd favorite Eva character.
"UH OH!"
Yep, since Yoshiyuki Sadamoto drastically improved Asuka's characterization, I have no choice but to follow in the footsteps of countless other fanboys and write . . . an Eva fanfic! And, much like with my previous 'fics, it will be a xm0123's Domain exclusive, since I like to do script fics, and fanfiction.com won't allow script fics. I'm brainstorming ideas already, and maybe I'll have it finished . . . sometime in the near future.
Oh, by the way, in the manga, there's even more tension between Rei and Asuka. I'd like to see how their rivalry turns out. I'm curious.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
tvtropes will ruin your life
It's true. I know this, for I am now a tvtroper.
*cue Light's Kira laugh*
I signed up earlier today. It's real easy; you don't even need to submit an email address. If you wanna edit with a name other than "unknown troper", all you gotta do is come up with a name and password. Everything is saved on a cookie. It's so easy, even my grandmother could do it! (This is in no way meant to insult my grandmother. She's just not tech-savvy, is all.)
I also browsed the tvtropes forums. Holy shit, those people are weird. I'm going to enjoy interacting with them, once I "get known".
*cue Light's Kira laugh*
I signed up earlier today. It's real easy; you don't even need to submit an email address. If you wanna edit with a name other than "unknown troper", all you gotta do is come up with a name and password. Everything is saved on a cookie. It's so easy, even my grandmother could do it! (This is in no way meant to insult my grandmother. She's just not tech-savvy, is all.)
I also browsed the tvtropes forums. Holy shit, those people are weird. I'm going to enjoy interacting with them, once I "get known".
Monday, December 15, 2008
I triumph once more
This cold I'm currently suffering from is much, much more mild than the one I had back in February. Most of my symptoms are gone. I should be well enough to do Christmas shopping (for myself) next Wednesday.
By the way, for Xmas, this year, my family has decided not to get any presents, because of the economic uncertainty surrounding my home country. We'll still get together, and remember, Christmas wasn't originally about presents, anyways. I should be healthy enough by Xmas.
I also have been getting farther on Mother 3. According to the walkthrough I've been using, I'm almost done with chapter 7. I can safely say that M3 is the best game I've played all year. It's that awesome.
So next wednesday, expect an update.
By the way, for Xmas, this year, my family has decided not to get any presents, because of the economic uncertainty surrounding my home country. We'll still get together, and remember, Christmas wasn't originally about presents, anyways. I should be healthy enough by Xmas.
I also have been getting farther on Mother 3. According to the walkthrough I've been using, I'm almost done with chapter 7. I can safely say that M3 is the best game I've played all year. It's that awesome.
So next wednesday, expect an update.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Rant of a rant
So, been watching Lucky Star some more. I've actually come to like the show, even though it is only okay at best. And very weird and nonsensical at worst. I can say this, though. My favorite character is Minoru Shiraishi, for his rant on the term, "Tsundere", alone. But, up to ep. 16, he's becoming less and less of a doormat to Akira-sama. I can't wait to see how that goes.
Also, I went back and rewatched the earlier episodes. Sometimes, I just skip around until I see something funny. This time, I didn't, and I caught something really weird; Kona-chan was apparently impersonating a character from a shojo anime series, but when she did, her eyes stood out, she spoke in a very friendly manner, and quite honestly, her voice sounded very pretty. (Wendee Lee can sound really pretty. Hey, that rhymes!) It was funny. Also, Miyuki-chan just went along with her act. I LOL'd. Oh, speaking of which, I noticed Miyuki's mom is voiced by Bridget Hoffman, an actress I know to have a pretty voice. I wonder if it's possible to fall in love with a woman just for her vocals. Hmm . . .
But, having been inspired by Minoru, I want to comment on something. Concerning the term, "Moe". I ask, can we truly grasp the meaning of the term, Moe? There is no direct English translation, but my research yields that the closest thing Moe can mean is either "desirable" or "precious". However, Moe, in the sense that it is used in the manga/anime fandom, does not merely mean desirable or precious, per se. Apparently, it is meant to describe a character archetype, one that has become commonplace in J-pop culture. Moe is said to refer to a female character who is very nice, very sweet, has a soft, squeaky voice, dresses appropriately, and tries to be cute, usually without realizing it. However, to be truly moe, the girl must also be utterly helpless. She must be defenseless against monsters, emotionally frail, unable to get around without assistance, but people always help her out anyways, because she's just so nice. This is, as far as I can tell, the moe description.
I have also seen characters who encompass all the traits of Moe, except the helplessness. I call these characters Half-Moe. One example is Orihime Inoue from Bleach. She's much friendlier than most of the other characters, has luscious (orange) hair, a Minnie Mouse-like voice in the anime, and I think Orihime is a pretty name for a Japanese girl. On the other hand, her spirit powers kick Hollow ass and can restore a friend like Curaga in a Final Fantasy game. Far from helpless. Another example would be Sakura in CCS and the later volumes of Tsubasa. But my modified term, "Half-Moe" is not what I'm ranting about.
Too often, people are quick to label a character, "Moe". Often times, this is done by people who dislike moe characters, trying to justify their hatred of a character, or a series loaded with moe-ness. Listen, just because a girl has huge round eyes, and became helpless for ONE FREAKIN' EPISODE doesn't mean she's moe. Not only that, people are applying the term "moe" to characters who aren't even moe in the slightest sense of the word! It is time we took a stand! No longer will this mockery of the Japanese language be tolerated! It is time we took back Moe (and also half-moe) and used it in its proper contexts!
ARISE YOU ILLITERATE MASSES!!!!!!
"You were going pretty good there, 123."
There are times I don't like the moe phenomenon. There is one anime series, which will remain anonymous, that has used one-dimensional moe girls to reel in otaku. Also, I admit, moe girls are pretty unrealistic. You're unlikely to meet anyone in real life, save for maybe a very little girl, who is completely moe.
And yet, on the other hand, some moe (and half-moe) girls are just . . . oh, you know what I'm gonna say. They're just adorable, kawaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, they make my heart melt, blah blah blah. Lucky Star does have Kona-chan's little cousin who is moe, and extremely cute, for instance. But please, peoples, learn how to use the term, correctly. Don't corrupt it, or you'll only end up causing confusion.
Also, I went back and rewatched the earlier episodes. Sometimes, I just skip around until I see something funny. This time, I didn't, and I caught something really weird; Kona-chan was apparently impersonating a character from a shojo anime series, but when she did, her eyes stood out, she spoke in a very friendly manner, and quite honestly, her voice sounded very pretty. (Wendee Lee can sound really pretty. Hey, that rhymes!) It was funny. Also, Miyuki-chan just went along with her act. I LOL'd. Oh, speaking of which, I noticed Miyuki's mom is voiced by Bridget Hoffman, an actress I know to have a pretty voice. I wonder if it's possible to fall in love with a woman just for her vocals. Hmm . . .
But, having been inspired by Minoru, I want to comment on something. Concerning the term, "Moe". I ask, can we truly grasp the meaning of the term, Moe? There is no direct English translation, but my research yields that the closest thing Moe can mean is either "desirable" or "precious". However, Moe, in the sense that it is used in the manga/anime fandom, does not merely mean desirable or precious, per se. Apparently, it is meant to describe a character archetype, one that has become commonplace in J-pop culture. Moe is said to refer to a female character who is very nice, very sweet, has a soft, squeaky voice, dresses appropriately, and tries to be cute, usually without realizing it. However, to be truly moe, the girl must also be utterly helpless. She must be defenseless against monsters, emotionally frail, unable to get around without assistance, but people always help her out anyways, because she's just so nice. This is, as far as I can tell, the moe description.
I have also seen characters who encompass all the traits of Moe, except the helplessness. I call these characters Half-Moe. One example is Orihime Inoue from Bleach. She's much friendlier than most of the other characters, has luscious (orange) hair, a Minnie Mouse-like voice in the anime, and I think Orihime is a pretty name for a Japanese girl. On the other hand, her spirit powers kick Hollow ass and can restore a friend like Curaga in a Final Fantasy game. Far from helpless. Another example would be Sakura in CCS and the later volumes of Tsubasa. But my modified term, "Half-Moe" is not what I'm ranting about.
Too often, people are quick to label a character, "Moe". Often times, this is done by people who dislike moe characters, trying to justify their hatred of a character, or a series loaded with moe-ness. Listen, just because a girl has huge round eyes, and became helpless for ONE FREAKIN' EPISODE doesn't mean she's moe. Not only that, people are applying the term "moe" to characters who aren't even moe in the slightest sense of the word! It is time we took a stand! No longer will this mockery of the Japanese language be tolerated! It is time we took back Moe (and also half-moe) and used it in its proper contexts!
ARISE YOU ILLITERATE MASSES!!!!!!
"You were going pretty good there, 123."
There are times I don't like the moe phenomenon. There is one anime series, which will remain anonymous, that has used one-dimensional moe girls to reel in otaku. Also, I admit, moe girls are pretty unrealistic. You're unlikely to meet anyone in real life, save for maybe a very little girl, who is completely moe.
And yet, on the other hand, some moe (and half-moe) girls are just . . . oh, you know what I'm gonna say. They're just adorable, kawaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, they make my heart melt, blah blah blah. Lucky Star does have Kona-chan's little cousin who is moe, and extremely cute, for instance. But please, peoples, learn how to use the term, correctly. Don't corrupt it, or you'll only end up causing confusion.
Friday, December 12, 2008
xm0123 sells out to the Walt Disney Company again
Do you know what's remarkable about Fantasia? The original Fantasia? It is basically nothing more than a series of AMVs, long before the acronym, "AMV" ever existed. In fact, A Hard Day's Night is often credited with introducing the world the concept of music videos. While the Beatles may've made the first live-action music videos, I believe Disney beat them to it, in the field of animated film no less.
Well, that's what Fantasia is: a series of shorts with no dialog, no sound, just music and visuals. The music is the script. And yet, some of those AMVs, if you will, still hold up even today. The Fantasia version of the Nutcracker Suite is memorable in its own right, the short done to Stravinsky's Rite of Spring had the most realistic depiction of dinosaurs ever prior to the release of Jurassic Park. And of course, the Night on Bald Mountain segment remains one of the most powerful scenes in cinema history.
And of course, let's not forget The Sorceror's Apprentice. The only piece that doesn't rip off classical musicians. The only segment that can be described as, pure Disney. It's not surprising that this short was used again in Fantasia 2000. It's, magical. What more can I say? And it also helps that the music reminds me of the Dragon Quest Symphonic Suites. (God, I'm such a whore for Koichi Sugiyama.)
Overall, I wouldn't say Fantasia is one of my favorite Disney movies of all time, but it is special in its own way. Hey, at least it beats all of those straight-to-video sequels, am I right?
Well, that's what Fantasia is: a series of shorts with no dialog, no sound, just music and visuals. The music is the script. And yet, some of those AMVs, if you will, still hold up even today. The Fantasia version of the Nutcracker Suite is memorable in its own right, the short done to Stravinsky's Rite of Spring had the most realistic depiction of dinosaurs ever prior to the release of Jurassic Park. And of course, the Night on Bald Mountain segment remains one of the most powerful scenes in cinema history.
And of course, let's not forget The Sorceror's Apprentice. The only piece that doesn't rip off classical musicians. The only segment that can be described as, pure Disney. It's not surprising that this short was used again in Fantasia 2000. It's, magical. What more can I say? And it also helps that the music reminds me of the Dragon Quest Symphonic Suites. (God, I'm such a whore for Koichi Sugiyama.)
Overall, I wouldn't say Fantasia is one of my favorite Disney movies of all time, but it is special in its own way. Hey, at least it beats all of those straight-to-video sequels, am I right?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I'm not dead yet
Finals are over. So now I can actually come here again. And play Mother 3 again.
Except I also now have a cold.
I guess the stress of finals got to me or something, but I've been sick since Tuesday night. That's too bad. I really wanted to go to the bookstore today. But instead, I'll rant.
Rant #1.
Remember that there's a second boxset of Death Note out now? I now own that. And I own the first 20 episodes of DN now. Much like when I got E7 on DVD, the picture quality of the DN DVDs is amazing. Truly amazing. Sadly, it only comes in stereo, BUT, the graphics, man. They're something else. There's also bonus features, like interviews with various dub actors. Word of warning: voice-acting is not as simple as talking into a microphone. There's a lot more to it than that. I've already raved about DN enough, but I'll say one last thing: if my favorite character is L, my 2nd favorite is Near, and my 3rd favorite is Light, who is my 4th favorite? Answer: Matsuda. Just a little opinion of mine.
Rant #2
Remember my article about internet memes? I updated it. I listed some more.
Rant #3
I'm nearly finished editing my blog as my 2011 self. Soon, I will be able to breathe more easily.
Except I also now have a cold.
I guess the stress of finals got to me or something, but I've been sick since Tuesday night. That's too bad. I really wanted to go to the bookstore today. But instead, I'll rant.
Rant #1.
Remember that there's a second boxset of Death Note out now? I now own that. And I own the first 20 episodes of DN now. Much like when I got E7 on DVD, the picture quality of the DN DVDs is amazing. Truly amazing. Sadly, it only comes in stereo, BUT, the graphics, man. They're something else. There's also bonus features, like interviews with various dub actors. Word of warning: voice-acting is not as simple as talking into a microphone. There's a lot more to it than that. I've already raved about DN enough, but I'll say one last thing: if my favorite character is L, my 2nd favorite is Near, and my 3rd favorite is Light, who is my 4th favorite? Answer: Matsuda. Just a little opinion of mine.
Rant #2
Remember my article about internet memes? I updated it. I listed some more.
Rant #3
I'm nearly finished editing my blog as my 2011 self. Soon, I will be able to breathe more easily.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Why I took up Haruhi-ism.
I haven't gone into full detail as to why I love the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya so much. In my review, I said that it, "Makes fun of everything I hate in anime." Well, allow me to get in depth.
In the anime and manga markets, most franchises are one of two things: shonen action series, a la Dragonball, Naruto, Bleach, et cetera, or high school comedies. Almost every comedic anime and/or manga series I know of is in a high school setting: School Rumble, Azumanga Dai-Oh, Lucky Star, you name it. HS is no different. However, it not only spoofs the high school comedies, but many other aspects of J-pop culture as well.
I was never disturbed by the sexual fanservice in HS, because the show brilliantly illustrated how ridiculous such fanservice is in most anime. In any typical series, the cute and/or sexy girls will be wearing revealing outfits and/or fetish costumes for no plausible reason at all within the universe. In HS, Haruhi, trying to turn Mikuru into a sex symbol, always forces her into costumes against her will. Sure, the gag gets old after a while, but it's satiring how authors often treat their characters; not as real people, but rather, as toy dolls. Of course, HS does this only for humorous effect, but most anime series don't get me writing intellectually like this, either.
Another thing is, there's a character for everyone. There is Kyon, the sarcastic male lead who is wise beyond his years. There is Haruhi, the female lead who is wildly eccentric, yet conceals a complex personality. There is Yuki, a stereotypical silent girl, (think Wonder Doll, but even more emotionless.) but who is revealed to actually be a very caring individual, despite her lack of social graces. There is Mikuru, who appears to be a "moe" girl at first glance, but the episode which reveals her "older" self shows that she wasn't always an emotionally frail child. There is Itsuki, whom no one can really tell what he is thinking, yet is at the beck and call of an "Organization" only he knows about. There's Taniguchi, a self-proclaimed ladies' man who is really just a girl crazy freak, Tsuruya, a silly high school girl who sometimes goes along with Haruhi's schemes just because she thinks they're hilarious, Ryoko, a sweet girl with a pretty voice who, like many of the other characters, is concealing something, the Computer Club President, who is a stereotypical nerd ratched up to "11", Kyon's Sister, who seems to be thrown in just for fun, among others. Everyone comes to love at least one character. For me, it's Kyon. For others, it may or may not be someone else. Characterization was not skimped over, even for the characters rife with anime cliches.
And, well, it's just different. What if you went to high school, and almost all of the students were not really students? You'd be in Kyon's position. But who, in history, has ever been in Kyon's position? Especially when you take his sarcastic mannerisms into account? Exactly. Kyon is far more mature than most other high school students, almost like he is an adult re-living high school. Haruhi is almost schizophrenic in how one moment, she laments how insignificant the people who attend a baseball game are, sounding like Eeyore in doing so, and the next moment, will stop an nothing to win a strategy PC game, all while displaying the bombast of a 12-year old in the depths of a sugar high. Yuki, Mikuru, and Itsuki are deconstructions of what have become tired cliches in J-pop culture. And, well, it's just funny! And you actually end up caring for the characters, oddly enough.
And if that still doesn't sway you, then there's this: the baseball game in episode 7 remains one of the funniest things I've ever seen on a tv show. This is the only foreign-made tv show I know of that can make me laugh like my favorite American-made sitcoms.
So there. Believe the hype. Take up Haruhi-ism or suffer the penalty!
In the anime and manga markets, most franchises are one of two things: shonen action series, a la Dragonball, Naruto, Bleach, et cetera, or high school comedies. Almost every comedic anime and/or manga series I know of is in a high school setting: School Rumble, Azumanga Dai-Oh, Lucky Star, you name it. HS is no different. However, it not only spoofs the high school comedies, but many other aspects of J-pop culture as well.
I was never disturbed by the sexual fanservice in HS, because the show brilliantly illustrated how ridiculous such fanservice is in most anime. In any typical series, the cute and/or sexy girls will be wearing revealing outfits and/or fetish costumes for no plausible reason at all within the universe. In HS, Haruhi, trying to turn Mikuru into a sex symbol, always forces her into costumes against her will. Sure, the gag gets old after a while, but it's satiring how authors often treat their characters; not as real people, but rather, as toy dolls. Of course, HS does this only for humorous effect, but most anime series don't get me writing intellectually like this, either.
Another thing is, there's a character for everyone. There is Kyon, the sarcastic male lead who is wise beyond his years. There is Haruhi, the female lead who is wildly eccentric, yet conceals a complex personality. There is Yuki, a stereotypical silent girl, (think Wonder Doll, but even more emotionless.) but who is revealed to actually be a very caring individual, despite her lack of social graces. There is Mikuru, who appears to be a "moe" girl at first glance, but the episode which reveals her "older" self shows that she wasn't always an emotionally frail child. There is Itsuki, whom no one can really tell what he is thinking, yet is at the beck and call of an "Organization" only he knows about. There's Taniguchi, a self-proclaimed ladies' man who is really just a girl crazy freak, Tsuruya, a silly high school girl who sometimes goes along with Haruhi's schemes just because she thinks they're hilarious, Ryoko, a sweet girl with a pretty voice who, like many of the other characters, is concealing something, the Computer Club President, who is a stereotypical nerd ratched up to "11", Kyon's Sister, who seems to be thrown in just for fun, among others. Everyone comes to love at least one character. For me, it's Kyon. For others, it may or may not be someone else. Characterization was not skimped over, even for the characters rife with anime cliches.
And, well, it's just different. What if you went to high school, and almost all of the students were not really students? You'd be in Kyon's position. But who, in history, has ever been in Kyon's position? Especially when you take his sarcastic mannerisms into account? Exactly. Kyon is far more mature than most other high school students, almost like he is an adult re-living high school. Haruhi is almost schizophrenic in how one moment, she laments how insignificant the people who attend a baseball game are, sounding like Eeyore in doing so, and the next moment, will stop an nothing to win a strategy PC game, all while displaying the bombast of a 12-year old in the depths of a sugar high. Yuki, Mikuru, and Itsuki are deconstructions of what have become tired cliches in J-pop culture. And, well, it's just funny! And you actually end up caring for the characters, oddly enough.
And if that still doesn't sway you, then there's this: the baseball game in episode 7 remains one of the funniest things I've ever seen on a tv show. This is the only foreign-made tv show I know of that can make me laugh like my favorite American-made sitcoms.
So there. Believe the hype. Take up Haruhi-ism or suffer the penalty!
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