So, to alleviate the boredom, I went to fanfiction.net. I discovered something else weird about the fanfiction community; some people have written purposely bad fanfics, in the hopes that someone will do a MST of it. I was intrigued, and now I have been inspired. However, I'm going to go one step beyond the call: I will write a bad (by my writing standards) fanfic, and write my own MST! DUNT DUNT DUNT! (I prefer DUNT DUNT DUNT over DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN. Suck it.)
What will it be a fanfic of? I can't say. I have dropped hints in the past, though. Here's a few things to expect of the fanfic content itself:
-It will have romance.
-It will not have sex.
-The ending will be a humongous pile of WAFF.
-It will not be written as a script.
Here's what to expect of the MST comments:
-They will be written as scripts.
-Expect some of my usual digs.
-Also expect jokes at my own expense.
-Expect a lot of references to tvtropes.
It will be quite the experiment, I can guarantee that much.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Something that sucks, and how to not suck
So, not a fan of my short-lived Evangelion fanfic? Oh, have I got the antidote for you. I know of an Eva fanfic that, by its mere existence, improves the quality of nearly every other fanfiction in existence. (Don't worry, there's a MSTing)
Recommended by Tropers for those wanting something So Bad, It's Good, it's Evangelion 2: the D.E.L.T.A. Invasion! (LATE EDIT: link's dead. Good riddance.)
I couldn't bring myself to read the whole thing. I did read the last chapter, but I skipped about 5 or 6 chapters to get there. This 'fic is an example of one of the worst Mary Sues I've ever seen in my life. Or for you tropers, a definitive, and horribly bad example, of a God Mode Marty Stu.
Let's see . . . Eva 2 is an unofficial sequel to the Eva anime series. Episode 16 through 26 never happened, and neither did the End of Eva. Rei is a full-blooded human, Asuka no longer has issues, Shinji is . . . boringly normal, Misato, my main woman, is . . . just there. Gendo is now a good guy, and about the only character who wasn't (too) derailed is Ritsuko. Oh bugger. OOC for the worse. Strike One.
Two years have passed since Ep 15, when the apparent last Angel appeared, and everyone is at peace . . . until now. Beings from another planet that call themselves the "Invadors" are wreaking havoc. Only Japanese kids in Evas can stop them . . .
OR CAN THEY!?
Enter Tom Dyron, the obvious author avatar. He is an American come to live in Tokyo-3, for he has been chosen to pilot Eva-03, you know, the one Touji should be piloting. Tom can speak perfect Japanese, has a convoluted (and contradictory) tragic past, is very tall for his age, very muscular and strong, is a skilled amateur wrestler, is the lead singer of his own rock band, (and he's already got a record deal!) and he syncs with his Eva, at the start, better than Shinji ever synched with Eva-01 at the end of the canon series. Oh, but remember, Tom's a man's man: he's also a raging alcoholic, has a frequency to swear for no reason, quotes Stone Cold Steve Austin a lot, and in the last chapter, treats his ex-girlfriend like absolute shit. Oh, by the way, he hooks up with Asuka, and bangs her on a regular basis. She also loves him. This, despite the fact that I was always under the impression that she was torn between Shinji and Ryoji. And also, Shinji and Rei are an item, despite the fact that anybody who knows what Rei is really supposed to be would probably be a little bit disturbed to read that. Strike Two, Three, Four, and Five.
Oh, but that's not all! There's also the fights between the Evas and the so-called "Invadors." The Invadors (didn't this guy have a spellchecker?) all have nonsensical physical traits, and their tactics for fighting the Evas consist of . . . I don't remember, actually. The fight scenes in Eva 2 don't make any sense at all. They're very poorly described. They always end the same way though; Tom kills all of them, or Tom and Shinji (never Rei and Asuka. Misogyny much?) tag-team on the Invadors and kill them together. No one uses the clever tactics seen in the canon anime and manga series, and the Invadors seem to just rush the attackers, instead of having cool gimmicks like the Angels did. Strike Six and Seven. Two strikes because Eva is an action series.
But that's not all, folks! There's another fanmade character named John, who is "special", and also has a contradictory backstory, and . . . contributes nothing to the plot. There's spelling errors out the wazoo. There's the fact that a lot of the dialogue is interchangeable between the characters. Remember in my 'fic when the Angels were commenting on character voice? Well, Eva 2 only has one character voice; that of Tom Dyron's. A very obvious example of an unskilled writer if ever I saw one. Oh, and fake emotions! Tom angsts in a forced, William Shatner-esque style, (but with more swearing) the young couples love each other in an entirely unbelievable manner, and the ending is far too happy, and predictable, to be enjoyable. And lastly, there are a lot of scenes that are just entirely unnecessary. If you read the MST comments, you'll know what I'm talking about. Strike Eight, Nine, and Ten.
Wow, ten strikes. Usually, it's three strikes, and you're out. Well, Eva 2 is out in such a fashion, it is a monumental disaster on a scale I have rarely witnessed. Few works of fiction, be they fanfiction or official works of canon, are as apocalyptically bad as Eva 2. This is something that ranks right up there with the likes of Battlefield Earth, the storyline of Wild Arms 4, and Freddy Got Fingered. It, truly, for lack of a better description, is epic fail.
But fear not, readers, for the original, un-MSTed version is apparently gone. The MST I have linked is absolutely hilarious. These people know how to mock the suckiness of Eva 2, and their comments made it all worthwhile.
Wow, this 'fic really makes me appreciate my own Eva fanfic a lot more. Sure, I may only have done script fics, but they still turned out a lot better than the monstrosity that is Eva 2.
Hey, maybe I'll go back and reread the chapters I skipped, just to read the witty commentary. I think it's worth slogging through the atrocious writing.
Recommended by Tropers for those wanting something So Bad, It's Good, it's Evangelion 2: the D.E.L.T.A. Invasion! (LATE EDIT: link's dead. Good riddance.)
I couldn't bring myself to read the whole thing. I did read the last chapter, but I skipped about 5 or 6 chapters to get there. This 'fic is an example of one of the worst Mary Sues I've ever seen in my life. Or for you tropers, a definitive, and horribly bad example, of a God Mode Marty Stu.
Let's see . . . Eva 2 is an unofficial sequel to the Eva anime series. Episode 16 through 26 never happened, and neither did the End of Eva. Rei is a full-blooded human, Asuka no longer has issues, Shinji is . . . boringly normal, Misato, my main woman, is . . . just there. Gendo is now a good guy, and about the only character who wasn't (too) derailed is Ritsuko. Oh bugger. OOC for the worse. Strike One.
Two years have passed since Ep 15, when the apparent last Angel appeared, and everyone is at peace . . . until now. Beings from another planet that call themselves the "Invadors" are wreaking havoc. Only Japanese kids in Evas can stop them . . .
OR CAN THEY!?
Enter Tom Dyron, the obvious author avatar. He is an American come to live in Tokyo-3, for he has been chosen to pilot Eva-03, you know, the one Touji should be piloting. Tom can speak perfect Japanese, has a convoluted (and contradictory) tragic past, is very tall for his age, very muscular and strong, is a skilled amateur wrestler, is the lead singer of his own rock band, (and he's already got a record deal!) and he syncs with his Eva, at the start, better than Shinji ever synched with Eva-01 at the end of the canon series. Oh, but remember, Tom's a man's man: he's also a raging alcoholic, has a frequency to swear for no reason, quotes Stone Cold Steve Austin a lot, and in the last chapter, treats his ex-girlfriend like absolute shit. Oh, by the way, he hooks up with Asuka, and bangs her on a regular basis. She also loves him. This, despite the fact that I was always under the impression that she was torn between Shinji and Ryoji. And also, Shinji and Rei are an item, despite the fact that anybody who knows what Rei is really supposed to be would probably be a little bit disturbed to read that. Strike Two, Three, Four, and Five.
Oh, but that's not all! There's also the fights between the Evas and the so-called "Invadors." The Invadors (didn't this guy have a spellchecker?) all have nonsensical physical traits, and their tactics for fighting the Evas consist of . . . I don't remember, actually. The fight scenes in Eva 2 don't make any sense at all. They're very poorly described. They always end the same way though; Tom kills all of them, or Tom and Shinji (never Rei and Asuka. Misogyny much?) tag-team on the Invadors and kill them together. No one uses the clever tactics seen in the canon anime and manga series, and the Invadors seem to just rush the attackers, instead of having cool gimmicks like the Angels did. Strike Six and Seven. Two strikes because Eva is an action series.
But that's not all, folks! There's another fanmade character named John, who is "special", and also has a contradictory backstory, and . . . contributes nothing to the plot. There's spelling errors out the wazoo. There's the fact that a lot of the dialogue is interchangeable between the characters. Remember in my 'fic when the Angels were commenting on character voice? Well, Eva 2 only has one character voice; that of Tom Dyron's. A very obvious example of an unskilled writer if ever I saw one. Oh, and fake emotions! Tom angsts in a forced, William Shatner-esque style, (but with more swearing) the young couples love each other in an entirely unbelievable manner, and the ending is far too happy, and predictable, to be enjoyable. And lastly, there are a lot of scenes that are just entirely unnecessary. If you read the MST comments, you'll know what I'm talking about. Strike Eight, Nine, and Ten.
Wow, ten strikes. Usually, it's three strikes, and you're out. Well, Eva 2 is out in such a fashion, it is a monumental disaster on a scale I have rarely witnessed. Few works of fiction, be they fanfiction or official works of canon, are as apocalyptically bad as Eva 2. This is something that ranks right up there with the likes of Battlefield Earth, the storyline of Wild Arms 4, and Freddy Got Fingered. It, truly, for lack of a better description, is epic fail.
But fear not, readers, for the original, un-MSTed version is apparently gone. The MST I have linked is absolutely hilarious. These people know how to mock the suckiness of Eva 2, and their comments made it all worthwhile.
Wow, this 'fic really makes me appreciate my own Eva fanfic a lot more. Sure, I may only have done script fics, but they still turned out a lot better than the monstrosity that is Eva 2.
Hey, maybe I'll go back and reread the chapters I skipped, just to read the witty commentary. I think it's worth slogging through the atrocious writing.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
xm0123's Domain: A Look Back
(Warning; the following reeks of self-obsession. You have been warned.)
Some entries I've done are better than others. And some, are just awesome. I wanna recap my favorite blog entries, by the author himself! . . . that would be me. I'll separate by month.
February 2008:
"Mr. xm Evaluates Hardware 4 U" This was the one where I said the NES and PS1 were crap, despite being well-received consoles, and where I compared pre-NES consoles to the silent era of movies. I like it, because I was being completely honest about how I felt about the different game systems I've played in my life. Oh, in case you're wondering, the Xbox 360 ranks as Superb.
March 2008:
"And now a word from me" This contains the absolute most vitriolic review I've ever written in my life. But hey, why wouldn't I slam Slayers? The Slayers franchise sucks, it's vastly overrated, and you'd have to be a complete IDIOT (or high) to even LIKE Slayers. I stand by these two words completely; FUCK. SLAYERS. And I always will.
April 2008:
"Are you sinning in the House of Zack!?" This is my article wherein I tell FF otakus that neither FF7 NOR FF6 is as precious as you think it is. I make a list of all the stat-based RPGs I like more than FF6 and FF7. Was recently edited to include Mother 3 and Tales of Vesperia, since I had not played those back in 4/2008. And also because those games are way more fun than FF6 and FF7. Take that.
May 2008:
"The Closest I Will Ever Come to Being an Otaku in the Westernized Meaning of the Word is Right Here and Now." This is when my platonic crush on Yukari Takeba came to a head, (shut up, already.) because I found out you could date her in Persona 3. Rest assured, I built up my social link with her as fast as I could. I got all the way to 10 just before the endgame. It was worth it.
"If you can correctly predict what this post will be about, then you're just what we're looking for." This is something Haruhi Suzumiya might say when recruiting new members for her club. It was also this day that I discovered The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Nowadays, I own the DVDs. Thanks, SOS Brigadiers!
June 2008:
"Help! Help! I'm being repressed!" I took a Monty Python quote to begin my scathing satire on dub haters. By the way, when I was presenting my 'argument', I really felt myself become a whole lot dumber. Once I got to the disclaimer, I felt my intelligence restoring itself to its normal level.
"It's hard to stay angry when there's so much kawaii in the world." The title is a variation on a quote from American Beauty, albeit "kawaii" replaces "beauty." This was when I announced that I had seen the anime version of Cardcaptor Sakura for the first time. It was also the first time I used my catchphrase of "OH NO! NOT (insert name of incredibly cute girl)!" I also talk about how generic Rurouni Kenshin is, and how much Slayers sucks. (although the Slayers anime is technically more tolerable than the manga.)
July 2008:
"The Four Degrees of Cuteness, as Transcribed by Me" Oh yes, my most frequently edited article ever. This is an extensive list of various female characters from Japanese cartoons, comics, and videogames, and how cute (or not cute) they are. Probably my most controversial article ever! Chiyo-chan not as cute as Osaka! xm doesn't think Konata is cute, yet thinks her cousin Yutaka is adorable! I still think Flonne is Insanely Cute, despite how much some Disgaea fans don't like her! Oh yeah, if this blog was ever read by anyone other than myself, this would cause quite a stir.
"More hate, EXPOSED!" This is yet another diatribe against Code Geass. What's interesting is I actually left in the part of how I mentioned my CG hate on the Nuklearpower Forums despite the fact that I'm no longer affiliated with the NPF. I really did say in a post I made on the NPF that CG is "An embodiment of everything I hate in anime." I then go on to list that CG fans are idiots, freak out over the realization that Johnny Yong Bosch plays the lead in CG, and I basically just flip out. It was great. I also snuck in a reference to The Nostalgia Critic.
August 2008:
"Score with a nerd girl in three days or your money back!" Another satirical piece, I encourage fanboys to hook up with fangirls. And now you know why I refuse date a woman who would take an Elf over a human. I mean come on! I dated a woman who was rather unattractive by my standards, but we still had a great time! So what if she knew nothing about games, manga, and Homestar!? It was no dealbreaker for me! Yeah, that's all true, by the way. Neither of us were in love with each other, so . . . we moved on. That's true, too.
"New shit has come to light." Open up with a quote from The Big Lebowski, check. Describe some of the best chapters of Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle, check. Talk about cute CLAMP figurines, check. Say the catchphrase, (and Sakura's name yet again) check. Mention Motherfucking Death Note, check. These are ingredients for a kickass entry. However, there is one anime that aired on Adult Swim that's better than Death Note . . .
October 2008:
"Look out; more hate." Not quite as vitriolic as my Slayers review, but that's because I was reviewing something that's not fresh in my memory. I talk about Battle Athletes, an anime that could've been decent, but was ruined by a retarded main protagonist, dead horse cliches, and fanservice so blatant, I thought I was watching a cheapo porno. Or would that be cheapo hentai anime? Whatever. BA sucked, and this article will ensure that more people know of its suckiness. By the way, I know a guy online who also hates BA for the same exact reasons I do. He also loves at least one of my favorite anime series also. I feel he is a kindred spirit. Well, anything to wash away the pained memories of BA.
November 2008:
"I Wanna Live to be Twenty-Three!" It's nearly my 23rd birthday, and I decide to talk about . . . cute anime girls. Or rather, I mention that I don't take my liking of fictional characters to an insurmountable extreme. And . . . I cap it off by riffing Chobits fans who won't shut up about Chii when Chitose is obviously more desirable. Then again, I know another guy on the internet who once said that if you're a grown man and you still fawn over shallow anime chicks like Chii or Rei Ayanami, then you're still a child. And that anybody who favors (in a platonic manner, mind you) chicks like, oh I don't know, Misato and/or Chitose are well-adjusted. It's surprising, that there's guys out there who share my opinions on anime culture. I salute you people.
"Imagine" Taking the title of a John Lennon song, I summarize Eureka Seven, saying it is the best Japanese cartoon series ever. And it is. It really is. I also confess to crying tears of joy over my favorite scene in E7. Let's just say I respect Anemone a lot more than I used to. I now look forward to the new E7 movie I've been hearing about.
December 2008:
"IT LIVES!!!!!!" I get an Xbox 360. I become in tune with my hardcore gamer self once more. Ah yeah, baby.
January 2009:
"It's getting might cold below the surface" Here, thanks to some tropers, I discover an alternate universe Code Geass fanfic, which is everything CG should've been. Hell froze over that day. I became so enraptured, I even downloaded a wallpaper of one of the few CG character designs I do like. I know, pretty odd coincidence that I downloaded Euphie-chan, huh? Oh wait, a certain woman, who is also the work of CLAMP, always says that there's no such thing as coincidence. Hmm, perhaps my discovering of Code Geass: Lelouch of Brittania by Cal reflector was pre-ordained.
February 2009:
"Brace yourselves for sheer utter madness" And madness it was; I read a scanlation of the manga version of Sailor Moon, and I end up liking it! I totally wig out, suddenly finding myself obsessing over something I thought I hated. I even added one of the Sailor Senshi to my Cute Girls list; Hotaru Tomoe.
OH NO! NOT HOTARU!
Sorry, can't resist. I know, I've only seen images of her, and a wikipedia article, but she's so cute! KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!! So what if she's short? So what if she has small breasts? She's still cute.
It's been a wild year since this blog started. I have a feeling the fun has just begun.
Some entries I've done are better than others. And some, are just awesome. I wanna recap my favorite blog entries, by the author himself! . . . that would be me. I'll separate by month.
February 2008:
"Mr. xm Evaluates Hardware 4 U" This was the one where I said the NES and PS1 were crap, despite being well-received consoles, and where I compared pre-NES consoles to the silent era of movies. I like it, because I was being completely honest about how I felt about the different game systems I've played in my life. Oh, in case you're wondering, the Xbox 360 ranks as Superb.
March 2008:
"And now a word from me" This contains the absolute most vitriolic review I've ever written in my life. But hey, why wouldn't I slam Slayers? The Slayers franchise sucks, it's vastly overrated, and you'd have to be a complete IDIOT (or high) to even LIKE Slayers. I stand by these two words completely; FUCK. SLAYERS. And I always will.
April 2008:
"Are you sinning in the House of Zack!?" This is my article wherein I tell FF otakus that neither FF7 NOR FF6 is as precious as you think it is. I make a list of all the stat-based RPGs I like more than FF6 and FF7. Was recently edited to include Mother 3 and Tales of Vesperia, since I had not played those back in 4/2008. And also because those games are way more fun than FF6 and FF7. Take that.
May 2008:
"The Closest I Will Ever Come to Being an Otaku in the Westernized Meaning of the Word is Right Here and Now." This is when my platonic crush on Yukari Takeba came to a head, (shut up, already.) because I found out you could date her in Persona 3. Rest assured, I built up my social link with her as fast as I could. I got all the way to 10 just before the endgame. It was worth it.
"If you can correctly predict what this post will be about, then you're just what we're looking for." This is something Haruhi Suzumiya might say when recruiting new members for her club. It was also this day that I discovered The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Nowadays, I own the DVDs. Thanks, SOS Brigadiers!
June 2008:
"Help! Help! I'm being repressed!" I took a Monty Python quote to begin my scathing satire on dub haters. By the way, when I was presenting my 'argument', I really felt myself become a whole lot dumber. Once I got to the disclaimer, I felt my intelligence restoring itself to its normal level.
"It's hard to stay angry when there's so much kawaii in the world." The title is a variation on a quote from American Beauty, albeit "kawaii" replaces "beauty." This was when I announced that I had seen the anime version of Cardcaptor Sakura for the first time. It was also the first time I used my catchphrase of "OH NO! NOT (insert name of incredibly cute girl)!" I also talk about how generic Rurouni Kenshin is, and how much Slayers sucks. (although the Slayers anime is technically more tolerable than the manga.)
July 2008:
"The Four Degrees of Cuteness, as Transcribed by Me" Oh yes, my most frequently edited article ever. This is an extensive list of various female characters from Japanese cartoons, comics, and videogames, and how cute (or not cute) they are. Probably my most controversial article ever! Chiyo-chan not as cute as Osaka! xm doesn't think Konata is cute, yet thinks her cousin Yutaka is adorable! I still think Flonne is Insanely Cute, despite how much some Disgaea fans don't like her! Oh yeah, if this blog was ever read by anyone other than myself, this would cause quite a stir.
"More hate, EXPOSED!" This is yet another diatribe against Code Geass. What's interesting is I actually left in the part of how I mentioned my CG hate on the Nuklearpower Forums despite the fact that I'm no longer affiliated with the NPF. I really did say in a post I made on the NPF that CG is "An embodiment of everything I hate in anime." I then go on to list that CG fans are idiots, freak out over the realization that Johnny Yong Bosch plays the lead in CG, and I basically just flip out. It was great. I also snuck in a reference to The Nostalgia Critic.
August 2008:
"Score with a nerd girl in three days or your money back!" Another satirical piece, I encourage fanboys to hook up with fangirls. And now you know why I refuse date a woman who would take an Elf over a human. I mean come on! I dated a woman who was rather unattractive by my standards, but we still had a great time! So what if she knew nothing about games, manga, and Homestar!? It was no dealbreaker for me! Yeah, that's all true, by the way. Neither of us were in love with each other, so . . . we moved on. That's true, too.
"New shit has come to light." Open up with a quote from The Big Lebowski, check. Describe some of the best chapters of Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle, check. Talk about cute CLAMP figurines, check. Say the catchphrase, (and Sakura's name yet again) check. Mention Motherfucking Death Note, check. These are ingredients for a kickass entry. However, there is one anime that aired on Adult Swim that's better than Death Note . . .
October 2008:
"Look out; more hate." Not quite as vitriolic as my Slayers review, but that's because I was reviewing something that's not fresh in my memory. I talk about Battle Athletes, an anime that could've been decent, but was ruined by a retarded main protagonist, dead horse cliches, and fanservice so blatant, I thought I was watching a cheapo porno. Or would that be cheapo hentai anime? Whatever. BA sucked, and this article will ensure that more people know of its suckiness. By the way, I know a guy online who also hates BA for the same exact reasons I do. He also loves at least one of my favorite anime series also. I feel he is a kindred spirit. Well, anything to wash away the pained memories of BA.
November 2008:
"I Wanna Live to be Twenty-Three!" It's nearly my 23rd birthday, and I decide to talk about . . . cute anime girls. Or rather, I mention that I don't take my liking of fictional characters to an insurmountable extreme. And . . . I cap it off by riffing Chobits fans who won't shut up about Chii when Chitose is obviously more desirable. Then again, I know another guy on the internet who once said that if you're a grown man and you still fawn over shallow anime chicks like Chii or Rei Ayanami, then you're still a child. And that anybody who favors (in a platonic manner, mind you) chicks like, oh I don't know, Misato and/or Chitose are well-adjusted. It's surprising, that there's guys out there who share my opinions on anime culture. I salute you people.
"Imagine" Taking the title of a John Lennon song, I summarize Eureka Seven, saying it is the best Japanese cartoon series ever. And it is. It really is. I also confess to crying tears of joy over my favorite scene in E7. Let's just say I respect Anemone a lot more than I used to. I now look forward to the new E7 movie I've been hearing about.
December 2008:
"IT LIVES!!!!!!" I get an Xbox 360. I become in tune with my hardcore gamer self once more. Ah yeah, baby.
January 2009:
"It's getting might cold below the surface" Here, thanks to some tropers, I discover an alternate universe Code Geass fanfic, which is everything CG should've been. Hell froze over that day. I became so enraptured, I even downloaded a wallpaper of one of the few CG character designs I do like. I know, pretty odd coincidence that I downloaded Euphie-chan, huh? Oh wait, a certain woman, who is also the work of CLAMP, always says that there's no such thing as coincidence. Hmm, perhaps my discovering of Code Geass: Lelouch of Brittania by Cal reflector was pre-ordained.
February 2009:
"Brace yourselves for sheer utter madness" And madness it was; I read a scanlation of the manga version of Sailor Moon, and I end up liking it! I totally wig out, suddenly finding myself obsessing over something I thought I hated. I even added one of the Sailor Senshi to my Cute Girls list; Hotaru Tomoe.
OH NO! NOT HOTARU!
Sorry, can't resist. I know, I've only seen images of her, and a wikipedia article, but she's so cute! KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!! So what if she's short? So what if she has small breasts? She's still cute.
It's been a wild year since this blog started. I have a feeling the fun has just begun.
Oh my, a new entry
So I saw the 4th Futurama movie. It was . . . okay. The song was great, movie itself was . . . okay. Guess the only Futurama movie I'll actually own is the third one. No matter; Futurama will never die!!!! Not if I have something to say about it.
I also rented a game recently: Gears of War 2.
My video store doesn't the the 1st GOW, so I skipped to the second one. It's a very good game. First of all, it's better than Halo 1 and 2. (All those rumors that GOW is the better Xbox-exclusive series? I think they're true.) Secondly, it is violent. Like, really violent. This is one of the bloodiest games I've ever played, and I've played my fair share of bloody games. If you've played this game, and chainsawed a foe, then you know what I'm talking about.
The graphics are great, the soundtrack is excellent, the sound design is phenomenal, the voice-acting is strong, (John DiMaggio plays your character! Awesome.) and the dialogue is well-written. There's a good number of swear words, an epic feel to the cutscenes, and even a little humor. All in all, GOW 2 is really awesome. Glad I got a 360! Ha! Eat it, Sony! My only real gripe is you can't save whenever you want. And the controller's joysticks will never be as precise as mouseaim. (Hence why I normally buy shooters for my PC.)
I can't speak for the multiplayer portion of GOW 2, but singleplayer is great. If you have a 360, play GOW 2. Just do it. You can thank me later.
I also rented a game recently: Gears of War 2.
My video store doesn't the the 1st GOW, so I skipped to the second one. It's a very good game. First of all, it's better than Halo 1 and 2. (All those rumors that GOW is the better Xbox-exclusive series? I think they're true.) Secondly, it is violent. Like, really violent. This is one of the bloodiest games I've ever played, and I've played my fair share of bloody games. If you've played this game, and chainsawed a foe, then you know what I'm talking about.
The graphics are great, the soundtrack is excellent, the sound design is phenomenal, the voice-acting is strong, (John DiMaggio plays your character! Awesome.) and the dialogue is well-written. There's a good number of swear words, an epic feel to the cutscenes, and even a little humor. All in all, GOW 2 is really awesome. Glad I got a 360! Ha! Eat it, Sony! My only real gripe is you can't save whenever you want. And the controller's joysticks will never be as precise as mouseaim. (Hence why I normally buy shooters for my PC.)
I can't speak for the multiplayer portion of GOW 2, but singleplayer is great. If you have a 360, play GOW 2. Just do it. You can thank me later.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Old games
Some videogames are still playable, even many years after their initial release. Others are not.
Case in point, the original Metroid for the NES.
I've played Super Metroid for the SNES, and I liked it. I liked it a lot. It's not surprising that the SNES title is often considered the best game in the franchise. Having decided to play the original Metroid on my NES emulator just for the heck of it, I can see why:
YOU CAN'T SHOOT DIAGONALLY IN METROID 1!!!!!
AND YOU CAN'T CROUCH EITHER!!!!
WHAT THE HELL, NINTENDO!?!?!?!?
Okay, that's kind of harsh. Metroid did break new ground back in the day, and I must say, the soundtrack is surprisingly good for an NES game. But man, it is primitive by today's standards. It's like this; Metroid 1 is an alpha build of what would become Super Metroid. Sure, it's playable, but the mechanics just haven't been properly oiled yet. You can't dash, you don't start a game with full health, there's no map, the level design isn't as good, and . . . yeah, I think the concept of a Metroid game couldn't be fully realized on the NES.
I did play Super Metroid on my actual SNES back in the day, but not Metroid 1. I wasn't much of an NES gamer. I don't remember exactly when my family got an NES, (it was before I even started kindergarten; any time before that, I was unfamiliar with the concept of days of the week, months, and years. My memory's kinda hazy before that point.) but it was either in '89, '90, or early '91. We were late bloomers. We did rent a number of NES games, but Metroid was not one of them. It wasn't until I got my SNES in late 1992 that I became the gamer that I am today. I still have that SNES unit. I don't use it anymore though. For one thing, last time I used it, (back in the year 2000. Go on, say it like you mean it.) it barely worked. What makes you think it'll work now? Secondly, I have my SNES emulator now, which, unlike my SNES unit, can play Japanese-only games in addition to games released in America.
But some old games are still great, even today. Case in point: Super Mario Bros. 3.
I don't think I need to explain that one.
Anyways, I have a few cousins who are still little kids, yet are hardcore gamers. One of them, I swear, is a clone of the side of me that's a hardcore gamer. These kids, however, got started off on PS2 games, not NES and SNES games. I'm sure when they get to be my age, they'll reflect on the PS2/GC/original Xbox generation the same way my generation reflects on the NES and SNES/Genesis generations of games; through nostalgia filters. Now, my cousins have also played PS1 games, but they've (as far as I know) never played any games made before the N64/PS1 generation. To a kid who grew up on the PS2, the NES must seem ancient. I mean, think about it; the NES comes in mono sound, the processor is slower than molasses, the system can't display more than 16 colors at once, there's graphical glitches out the wazoo, none of the games have voice-acting, and there's no analog precision. With all these factors, I would think the next generation of gamers would be unwilling to try out old classics, even if it means missing out on games like SMB 3, Megaman 3, and Kirby's Adventure, to name a few.
Which is too bad. This already happens in another field of mindless diversions: cinema. Too many people of my generation pass up "old" movies, simply because they come in black and white, or because they have little to no swearing, or because "the violence is unrealistic." Sure, not all of my favorite movies were from earlier generations, but many of my favorite films of all time were from my parents and grandparents' time: Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, All About Eve, The Best Years of Our Lives, Double Indemnity, Now Voyager, Some Like it Hot, Rear Window, On the Waterfront, The Apartment, The Godfather I and II, and Dr. Strangelove, to name a few. Most people my age are unwilling to watch anything made before the original Star Wars trilogy. Finding someone my age who likes a movie made before 1977 that isn't a Disney movie is a task in of itself. Oh, by the way, 101 Dalmations is an underappreciated classic.
I have a feeling the same thing's gonna happen to videogames; the new kids will avoid "old" games for whatever reasons. Of course, sometimes, there's a good reason for that. Games like Metroid 1 really do become obsolete over the years. But other games, games like SMB 3, don't. Just like all those movies I listed, some games are as enjoyable now as when they first came out. But if people are unwilling to give "old" games a try, they'll never know that.
My bottom line is this: always have an open mind in mindless diversions if you want to get the most out of them. And that, that includes playing games and watching movies that came out before you were born. Go on, don't be scared.
Case in point, the original Metroid for the NES.
I've played Super Metroid for the SNES, and I liked it. I liked it a lot. It's not surprising that the SNES title is often considered the best game in the franchise. Having decided to play the original Metroid on my NES emulator just for the heck of it, I can see why:
YOU CAN'T SHOOT DIAGONALLY IN METROID 1!!!!!
AND YOU CAN'T CROUCH EITHER!!!!
WHAT THE HELL, NINTENDO!?!?!?!?
Okay, that's kind of harsh. Metroid did break new ground back in the day, and I must say, the soundtrack is surprisingly good for an NES game. But man, it is primitive by today's standards. It's like this; Metroid 1 is an alpha build of what would become Super Metroid. Sure, it's playable, but the mechanics just haven't been properly oiled yet. You can't dash, you don't start a game with full health, there's no map, the level design isn't as good, and . . . yeah, I think the concept of a Metroid game couldn't be fully realized on the NES.
I did play Super Metroid on my actual SNES back in the day, but not Metroid 1. I wasn't much of an NES gamer. I don't remember exactly when my family got an NES, (it was before I even started kindergarten; any time before that, I was unfamiliar with the concept of days of the week, months, and years. My memory's kinda hazy before that point.) but it was either in '89, '90, or early '91. We were late bloomers. We did rent a number of NES games, but Metroid was not one of them. It wasn't until I got my SNES in late 1992 that I became the gamer that I am today. I still have that SNES unit. I don't use it anymore though. For one thing, last time I used it, (back in the year 2000. Go on, say it like you mean it.) it barely worked. What makes you think it'll work now? Secondly, I have my SNES emulator now, which, unlike my SNES unit, can play Japanese-only games in addition to games released in America.
But some old games are still great, even today. Case in point: Super Mario Bros. 3.
I don't think I need to explain that one.
Anyways, I have a few cousins who are still little kids, yet are hardcore gamers. One of them, I swear, is a clone of the side of me that's a hardcore gamer. These kids, however, got started off on PS2 games, not NES and SNES games. I'm sure when they get to be my age, they'll reflect on the PS2/GC/original Xbox generation the same way my generation reflects on the NES and SNES/Genesis generations of games; through nostalgia filters. Now, my cousins have also played PS1 games, but they've (as far as I know) never played any games made before the N64/PS1 generation. To a kid who grew up on the PS2, the NES must seem ancient. I mean, think about it; the NES comes in mono sound, the processor is slower than molasses, the system can't display more than 16 colors at once, there's graphical glitches out the wazoo, none of the games have voice-acting, and there's no analog precision. With all these factors, I would think the next generation of gamers would be unwilling to try out old classics, even if it means missing out on games like SMB 3, Megaman 3, and Kirby's Adventure, to name a few.
Which is too bad. This already happens in another field of mindless diversions: cinema. Too many people of my generation pass up "old" movies, simply because they come in black and white, or because they have little to no swearing, or because "the violence is unrealistic." Sure, not all of my favorite movies were from earlier generations, but many of my favorite films of all time were from my parents and grandparents' time: Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, All About Eve, The Best Years of Our Lives, Double Indemnity, Now Voyager, Some Like it Hot, Rear Window, On the Waterfront, The Apartment, The Godfather I and II, and Dr. Strangelove, to name a few. Most people my age are unwilling to watch anything made before the original Star Wars trilogy. Finding someone my age who likes a movie made before 1977 that isn't a Disney movie is a task in of itself. Oh, by the way, 101 Dalmations is an underappreciated classic.
I have a feeling the same thing's gonna happen to videogames; the new kids will avoid "old" games for whatever reasons. Of course, sometimes, there's a good reason for that. Games like Metroid 1 really do become obsolete over the years. But other games, games like SMB 3, don't. Just like all those movies I listed, some games are as enjoyable now as when they first came out. But if people are unwilling to give "old" games a try, they'll never know that.
My bottom line is this: always have an open mind in mindless diversions if you want to get the most out of them. And that, that includes playing games and watching movies that came out before you were born. Go on, don't be scared.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
And now for the unveiling
And now, the fanfic sequel nobody asked for: the second (and last) part of Rebuild of the End of Shin Seiki Evangelion: Angelic Girlfriend of Steel Days @ Ikari Raising Academy! Yaaaaaay!
Once again, although most of the written text is in English, unless where otherwise noted, it's assumed the characters are speaking in Japanese. However, I did leave a few words in their native Japanese, and native German . . . Let's get with the show.
{The scene is Misato’s apartment. Misato Katsuragi is in her shorts, relaxing on the couch, fanning herself with a paper fan. She looks exhausted from heat. Asuka Langley Soryu is in her shorts, going around the apartment, cleaning up after Misato’s countless messes. As she moves around, she converses with Misato.}
[Asuka] *while doing chores* It’s repulsive, it’s really repulsive! I don’t see what Rei sees in Shinji! That boy’s got more complexes than Oedipus Rex! He turns into a wide-eyed little boy whenever his mom’s around, and he’s always bitching about how awful his dad is! Not only that, but he’s sexually confused too! I heard Hikari say that Shinji has the hots for Kaworu, but apparently, he can’t decide between him, Rei, and his own mom!
[Misato] *fanning herself* Ugh, it’s so hot. I’m too tired to even get up and get a brew.
[Asuka] Have you even been listening to a word I said!?
[Misato] Of course, you hate Shin-chan. That’s perfectly normal for roommates.
{The doorbell rings. Misato forces herself up.}
[Misato] I’ll get that.
[Asuka] But a moment ago, you just said,
{Misato opens the door leading outside. The person who rang the doorbell is Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu, Asuka’s mom.}
[Misato] Katsuragi residence, what can I get for you on this blazing scorcher of a day?
[Kyoko] Excuse me, is there someone living here by the name of Asuka Langley Soryu?
[Misato] Oh yeah, she’s one of my pet Pilots. *turns to face Asuka* Hey, Asuka-chan, someone’s here for you.
[Asuka] Oh really? Who could it be?
{Asuka sees it is her mother. Suddenly, her eyes go wide, and she smiles a large smile.}
[Asuka] MOMMY! *running to Kyoko* MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! *embraces Kyoko* Oh Mommy, I missed you so much!
[Kyoko] Oh wow, is that really you, Asuka? You’re still as rambunctious as ever! Let me get a better look at you.
{Asuka steps away, now holding Kyoko’s hands.}
[Kyoko] Aww, you’ve become really beautiful!
{Asuka giggles with her eyes closed. Misato whispers something into Asuka’s ear.}
[Misato] And what was all that talk about Shinji having a mother complex? Seems like you’re rather enjoying your mommy.
{Asuka briefly frowns and narrows her eyes at Misato.}
[Asuka] (in a whisper) You be quiet.
{Asuka smiles and widens her eyes again, then faces her mother.}
[Kyoko] So, what have you been up to, sweetheart?
[Asuka] Oh lots of things! But before I get into that, I just wanna say, *closes her eyes* that I’m so happy to see you again! In fact, I’m so happy, I wanna run around and tell the whole city!
{Asuka dashes out of the apartment, absolutely full of energy.}
[Asuka] *whilst running* WHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
[Misato] Hey wait, you forgot your shoes! Oh well, don’t come complaining to me when your bare feet get bruised and bloodied.
[Kyoko] So who are you supposed to be, Asuka’s caretaker?
[Misato] Caretaker, bodyguard, immediate superior, sorority girl, I do it all.
{About a minute later, Asuka shows up, still driven by limitless energy and happiness. She performs a series of cartwheels and tumbles on her way back.}
[Kyoko] Oh, you’re still of energy as ever!
[Asuka] *giggles* I know! It’s my greatest attribute!
{The scene is now the streets of Tokyo-3. Shinji Ikari and Kensuke Aida are walking to school.}
[Kensuke] So, looking forward to school today?
[Shinji] *sighs* Not really.
[Kensuke] Yeah, I know the novelty wears out at first, but still.
{Shinji and Kensuke arrive at school. Shinji sees a series of Evangelions performing what look like physical education classes. Shinji looks startled.}
[Shinji] (thinking to himself) What the.
[Kensuke] But still, when they finally admitted that our school was actually a military academy for Eva pilots, I exploded in a pile of my own excitement!
[Shinji] Indeed.
{Shinji and Kensuke go into their homeroom class. They seat themselves.}
[Kensuke] Hey Shinji-kun, I’ll bet you can’t guess what I’m thinking about!
[Shinji] I don’t know, the ending to Metal Gear Solid 4 that’s so long, it could’ve been packaged as a stand alone movie in of itself?
[Kensuke] Whoa! It’s like you’re in my head! How’d you know!?
[Shinji] You always obsess over military stuff. I wouldn’t be the least bit shocked to think you’d like a game like that.
[Kensuke] Oh yeah? What about you? What are you thinking about?
[Shinji] My thoughts are none of your business.
{Suddenly, Shinji daydreams about Asuka. Asuka is staring at him, looking very angry.}
[Asuka] That’s probably because all you fantasize about is having a threesome with me and Wonder Doll. What? You’d think I’d forget about that time where you chose both of us? How characteristically perverse of you, baka Shinji. You make me disgusted with my own feelings for you! scheiße!
{Shinji, getting back to reality, looks shaken up, like Asuka really was yelling at him. Kensuke looks worried.}
[Kensuke] What’s wrong? Did I strike a nerve or something?
[Shinji] Uh, no. It’s nothing.
{Later that day after school, in a club room was Rei, Asuka, and Kaworu. Rei was presiding over them, for she was going to make a speech. She looks nervous, and is showing a nervous smile.}
[Rei] Hi everyone! Welcome to the I Love Shinji Club! Since I am the founder and current leader of the I Love Shinji Club, I’ll go first. My name is Rei Ayanami, and I love Shinji Ikari. *sighs out of happiness* I don’t know what it was about him that made me fall instantly in love with him. Perhaps it was the innocence in his eyes. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s a borderline bishounen. Or maybe it’s because he’s kawaii! Whatever the case, my attraction to him was instantaneous. However, in due time, I learned that my love for Shinji-kun wasn’t because of his looks; it was because of his character. He seems unimpressive: his grades are average, he’s not very talkative, and when he does talk, he seems to complain about things not worth complaining about. And yet, the thing is, he’s not like the other boys on campus. He’s very mature for his age. He’s almost like a grownup in a short 14 year old boy’s body. Maybe that contrast makes him all the more adorable! *giggles* He’s thoughtful about other people, which is weird, ‘cause most people are so selfish, it’s sickening. Not Shinji-kun, though. He actually listens to you when you speak! He actually remembers to give you a present for White Day! *narrows her eyes, giving her a love struck look* And although he doesn’t smile very often, when he does smile, it’s so genuine, I can’t help but melt! *closes her eyes completely* Awwwww, I wanna hold him in my arms! I wanna tell him he’s special! I wanna just run away with him and, *opens her eyes, then blushes out of embarrassment* Oh! And thus concludes my speech. If any of you wanna talk about my darling Shinji, please do so now.
{Rei sits down. Asuka goes up to present. She doesn’t look very amused, nor happy to be presenting.}
[Asuka] Hi, I’m Asuka Langley Soryu, and I love Shinji Ikari.
[Rei] SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
[Asuka] Well, I don’t know if “love” is the right word for it, but for whatever reason, I can’t stop thinking about him. Personally, there are some things about him that I can’t stand. Whenever I try to talk to him about anything, he’s like, “my dad this” and “my dad that.” And he always rejects my come-ons, too! And yet, on the other hand, he’s the best Eva pilot in the whole school! Well, not counting me, of course. He’s an absolute badass in an Eva, yet you wouldn’t know that from seeing how meek he is outside of the Evas. So why then do I find myself obsessing over him? Maybe it’s because we have a lot in common, aside from how much he sucks and how awesome I am. Maybe what I see in him is that we could be a warrior couple; he could be the Viking, and I could be the Valkyrie. Maybe that’s it. But for whatever reason, I find myself drawn to him more than all the other boys.
{Asuka sits down. She looks relieved to be finished.}
[Asuka] *sighs* I only did this because Rei dragged me here. (To Rei) Okay, now that I presented, you don’t get to mooch off my homework for a week now!
[Rei] *smiling with her eyes closed* Fair enough!
{Kaworu goes up to speak. He is showing his nondescript smile.}
[Kaworu] Hello, my name is Kaworu Nagisa, and I love Shinji Ikari.
[Rei] I FULLY SUPPORT SHONEN-AI!!!!!!
[Kaworu] Before I start, I just want to point out that miss Soryu’s claim that she is “the best Eva pilot in school” is erroneous. She is actually the second worst Eva pilot in the school.
[Asuka] *looking furious* WHAT DID YOU SAY!? YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
[Kaworu] There is no need for me to retract my statement. It is the truth; as of today, you have the second lowest sync rate out of all the Eva pilots. You score even lower than Misato-sensei’s pet penguin. In fact, the only person worse than you is that hack whose family name is Anno-
[Asuka] -Why don’t you drop this subject right now, BEFORE I DROP YOU!
[Kaworu] Fair enough. This is a convention for those attracted to Shinji, not an outlining of Asuka’s faults.
{Asuka is grinding her teeth in frustration.}
[Kaworu] Now, my reasons for loving Shinji are simple. Out of all the Eva pilots, he shows the most promise. Yet, at the same time, he is very frail. Physically frail, mentally frail, and emotionally frail. Not only that, he has a desire to please those around him, at his own expense. This makes him very easy to manipulate. I can win his trust with the greatest of ease. It’s simple, just treat him with decency, and he’ll throw himself at you! His skills as an Eva pilot, coupled with his desperation for love and acceptance, make him irresistible for me, although, you must keep in mind, my love for Shinji is different from yours. I love him for he will prove useful for my . . . plans.
[Asuka] Plans? What plans?
[Kaworu] I can’t disclose that information at this time. Suffice to say, my love for Shinji is not out of a desire to “jump his bones”, but rather, because he will assist me in carrying out something I’ve been wanting to carry out for a long time. That is all.
[Rei] (looks confused) Oooooooooooooooooo-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
{Meanwhile, on the surface of Earth’s Moon.}
[Bardiel] This sucks.
[Zeruel] I know.
[Arael] Thirded.
[Armisael] At least when we were on Earth, we got to do shit. Now, all we can do is float around, and talk. What a meaningless existence; we just stand around, and talk!
[Bardiel] Dude, did you just make a reference to Red versus Blue?
[Armisael] I don’t know, did I?
[Ramiel] It must be that one Author again, the American one. He must be controlling us again. Leliel, are you hearing the thoughts of whoever stranded us here?
[Leliel] Indeed I am. You know what he’s saying? Listen to this, “It is not in my nature to derail previously set characterizations in my fanfiction. I respect the original canon as much as I can. In doing so, I don’t create new characters, and I avoid a few pitfalls common in fanfiction. That said, I do put my own twists in it. For example, in my Tales of Legendia fanfic, I shipped Senel and Chloe, because I feel they are a better pair than Senel and Shirley. Also, I killed off Norma, not because she got between Senel and Chloe, which she didn’t, but only because I have wanted to kill her for so long. God, that felt good! Concerning my Eva fanfic, the only major change I really made was I made the Angels talk and live on the Moon, though I only did this for comedic purposes. That said, I am gonna ship Shinji with someone. Who should Shinji end up with, in my opinion? Read on and find out!”
[Sandalphon] Hey wait, did he say we were all for comedic purposes, like a clown? Is he calling us Angels, is he calling us clowns!?
[Sahaquiel] Hey wait, concerning our past, the Author currently controlling us has been rather conservative with his powers, don’t you think? Most authors who were not those original Japanese authors have a tendency to turn the one called Shinji Ikari into a fearless young man who never backs down from a challenge. Not only that, some of these Authors like to invent people from out of nowhere, and these new people always seem to enter into a sexual relationship with either the one named Rei Ayanami or the one named Asuka Langley Soryu. Not only that, these people from out of nowhere seem to make the entire world revolve around them. I don’t see any of that here. This Author is rather restrained, no?
[Leliel] “What? Are you saying I’m not audacious enough? Well gosh, I apologize for not succumbing to the errors common for inexperienced writers. Yeah, I mean, it’s true I’m using Leliel as my Author Avatar, but you should be thankful only he has my character voice. Would you like it if you and everyone else had the same voice as me? You all spoke the same dialogue in the same manner as me? Do ya? ‘Cause I’m good enough to know that different characters always have a different way with words.”
[Israfel] Yeah, I think it’s pretty strange that only one of us is talking like the Author. Hey, Author, if we’re nothing but comic relief to you, then stop pretending you understand the nuances of character voice, and render us all your Avatars.
[Leliel] “Okay, fine. See if I care.”
[Sachiel] “I love macaroni and cheese!”
[Shamshel] “Colonel Jade Curtiss is my homeboy!”
[Ramiel] “Math 90 sucks!”
[Gaghiel] “If I wrote a Chobits fanfic, I’d ship Hideki and Chitose, ‘cause he totally deserves a babe like her!”
[Israfel] “Maim, kill, burn! MAIM, KILL, BURN!”
[Sandalphon] “Sakaki is hot!”
[Matariel] “So is Asagi!”
[Sahaquiel] “Did you know, a lifetime ago, I was a fan of Pokemon? Not anymore, though. Pokefans these days are mainly hardcore gamers who still have the time and patience to create a level 100 party. I don’t. It also doesn’t help that Pokefans face a lot of discrimination in American culture now. Since renouncing my Pokefandom, I’d say about 12 less assholes have called me a ‘gay fag’ for liking Pokemon. It also doesn’t help that I was only a fan of the games. I hate the Pokemon anime, then and now. Even without 4Kids’ edits, the Pokemon anime still sucks like you cannot believe. Oh well. Pokemon had its moment in the spotlight. And so did I, considering that for a brief time, it was actually ‘cool’ to like Pokemon, and for a brief time, I actually went along with popular opinion, and was not hated for it! 1999 was a fuckin’ weird year to be alive, that’s for sure.”
[Bardiel] “You wanna know what I can’t wait for? BIOSHOCK 2! I love saying that.”
[Zeruel] “Cowboy Bebop is overrated!”
[Arael] “You may be asking yourselves, why am I referring mostly to Japanese pop culture in these messages of mine? Well, gee, did it ever occur to that you’re reading a fanfic based off a Japanese cartoon series? And a Japanese comic book series? And at least two dating sims that I’m aware of? I just thought I’d give you a friendly reminder.”
[Armisael] “I’M THE ARMISAEL, BITCH!”
[Leliel] “There, are you happy now? Are you happy? Don’t tell me you’re not happy, ‘cause I certainly am not!”
[Iruel] Hey wait, how come I didn’t become a mouthpiece for the Author?
[Bardiel] Because no one likes your style.
[Iruel] What? Just because I didn’t fight the Evas and have no actual image?
[Matariel] Exactly.
[Iruel] Hey wait! I just heard the Author say something!
[Israfel] Oh really? What’d he say?
[Iruel] “FUCK SLAYERS!”
[Zeruel] Uh, okay, little man.
{the scene is now inside of a fancy restaurant. Shinji and Asuka are seated at a table, facing each other. They both look like they are in their mid-20's. Shinji is wearing a black tuxedo, and Asuka is wearing a purple dress. A waiter comes and takes their order. The waiter leaves. Asuka begins to speak.}
[Asuka] Isn’t it amazing?
[Shinji] Yeah, this place is really beautiful. The service has been nothing short of fantastic, and even the live music is great.
[Asuka] Not the restaurant, silly! I meant us! I was just thinking, it’s really amazing, everything that’s happened to us. We’ve been through a lot, and I mean a lot. Where most people have had a little rain in their lives, we had freakin’ hurricanes. At regular intervals. It’s a miracle that we’re even still alive, and with all of our appendages still semi-attached. I know I really should be grateful, and, I guess I’m being more grateful now.
[Shinji] Yeah, I get what you’re saying. It’s really miraculous that we’re still here, after everything.
[Asuka] If you ask me, I think we and the other Eva pilots were the greatest heroes in history!
[Shinji] Uh, I’m not so sure about that.
[Asuka] Why must you be so modest all the time!? Is that some Japanese thing again?
[Shinji] I’m not sure, actually.
[Asuka] Well I’m just glad everything worked out fine. We’ve lost a lot of good people in our lives, and yet, everything is smooth sailing now. I wouldn’t mind if we got married and moved in together and had kids now.
[Shinji] *blushing, with a nervous smile* R-Really!?
[Asuka] Oh yeah. I knew there was something special about you when we first met. It took a long time, but, I think you’ve realized your true potential now.
[Shinji] *still blushing with a nervous smile* Oh Asuka, you’re making my face redden!
[Asuka] *smiling with her eyes closed* I am good at that. *opens her eyes* Then again, I think it’s only natural that anyone who survives the apocalypse will come out totally awesome. (In German) “That which does not kill me can only make me stronger.”
[Shinji] *looking confused* Uh, can you repeat that in Japanese? I’m still having a hard time learning German, remember?
[Asuka] *glancing at something* Hey look! Our food’s ready!
{Shinji and Asuka eat their meal. When they are finished, they look satisfied.}
[Asuka] Wow, I’m stuffed! It was worth every bite, though!
{Shinji ignores her, looking away.}
[Asuka] Hey, Shinji, look at me when I talk.
[Shinji] Is this real?
[Asuka] Huh? Where’s this coming from?
[Shinji] This restaurant, the food, me and you, is all of this real? Or is this just another consequence of the Third Impact?
[Asuka] Whuh, Third Impact? Don’t be a dummkopf, Shinji! Human Instrumentality failed; everything’s gone back to normal!
[Shinji] (looking surprised) Really!? Are you serious!?
[Asuka] Of course I’m serious! What, did someone not leave you a note or something?
[Shinji] Uh, I guess not. But, if we really aren’t experiencing Human Instrumentality anymore, then that means I can’t get away with THIS! *looks away* HI MOM!
{There is an awkward pause.}
[Shinji] Hey, she didn’t show up.
[Asuka] I told you, Human Instrumentality is over. Apparently, that sort of thing could only work if every last human being alive agreed to live in Instrumentality, but that wasn’t the case, so eventually, we all ended up back in the real world, for lack of a better phrase. Why are you only picking up on this now?
[Shinji] I don’t know. I guess, I guess I just got so sick of my life that I ran away, and didn’t want to come back for so long, but, now I realize, everything that’s happened in the past is, well, in the past. The future doesn’t have to be like the past. Hey, I just realized something, you and me, how long have we been, together?
[Asuka] Well, ever since you told Rei that you can’t be with her, on account of her being a relative of yours, you quickly hooked up with me.
[Shinji] Hey, did you just refer to Rei-chan by her actual name!?
[Asuka] *blushing* Uh, what’s that supposed to mean!?
[Shinji] It means you don’t hate Rei anymore! That’s awfully nice of you!
[Asuka] Well, to be honest, when she learned that you were going out with me, I feared that she would’ve killed herself. She really loved you, like, a lot. But, she took it really well. She even found someone else!
[Shinji] Really? Who?
{Cut to inside some random house. Rei, looking to be in her mid 20's, is sitting on a couch. She is wearing a robe.}
[Rei] Honey, could you come in here and give me a back rub? My muscles are stiff.
{Suddenly, a very enthusiastic Kensuke comes into the room.}
[Kensuke] Already on it!
{Back to the restaurant.}
[Asuka] Yeah, it seems crazy, but it’s true. Unfortunately, anybody who died before the Third Impact didn’t come back, like Ryoji, and Toji. Hikari’s still single, ya know.
[Shinji] Yeah.
[Asuka] But now we can look forward to new challenges, like marriage, kids, getting life insurance policy.
[Shinji] Uh, you seem pretty forward with the idea of us getting married.
[Asuka] What? You don’t want to?
[Shinji] Uh, it’s not that! Yes, I do wanna spend the rest of my life with you, Asuka. It’s just, just, overwhelming, I guess is the best way to put it.
[Asuka] Yeah. I was nervous about telling you, myself. So, you wanna go back home?
[Shinji] Sure.
{Shinji and Asuka step outside. A limousine is waiting for them. Shinji is surprised.}
[Shinji] A-A limo!?
[Asuka] We’re heroes, Shinji! We have the respect of everyone in the world now! Come on; let’s get going already!
{Shinji and Asuka get in the limousine. It is driven off to an unknown location. Shinji looks out of the window and at the stars of the night sky. Asuka lays her head on Shinji’s shoulder. Shinji sees this, and smiles.}
[Shinji] The nightmare is finally over.
[Asuka] All we needed was time. Time to heal. Time to get over our neuroses.
[Shinji] Maybe so. It’s seems funny; I never looked forward to anything in life. I always had my mind in the present. Well, I still do, but now, now I see the future too, and it’s comforting, in a way.
[Asuka] Shinji, your words are ruining the moment.
[Shinji] Huh?
[Asuka] Please, don’t talk. I just want to enjoy this moment with you.
[Shinji] Sure.
{Asuka closes her eyes in bliss. The limo keeps driving off.}
The End.
P.S. Speaking of fanfics, the Code Geass fanfic I love has updated since I last talked about it. Read that after you read my piece.
Once again, although most of the written text is in English, unless where otherwise noted, it's assumed the characters are speaking in Japanese. However, I did leave a few words in their native Japanese, and native German . . . Let's get with the show.
{The scene is Misato’s apartment. Misato Katsuragi is in her shorts, relaxing on the couch, fanning herself with a paper fan. She looks exhausted from heat. Asuka Langley Soryu is in her shorts, going around the apartment, cleaning up after Misato’s countless messes. As she moves around, she converses with Misato.}
[Asuka] *while doing chores* It’s repulsive, it’s really repulsive! I don’t see what Rei sees in Shinji! That boy’s got more complexes than Oedipus Rex! He turns into a wide-eyed little boy whenever his mom’s around, and he’s always bitching about how awful his dad is! Not only that, but he’s sexually confused too! I heard Hikari say that Shinji has the hots for Kaworu, but apparently, he can’t decide between him, Rei, and his own mom!
[Misato] *fanning herself* Ugh, it’s so hot. I’m too tired to even get up and get a brew.
[Asuka] Have you even been listening to a word I said!?
[Misato] Of course, you hate Shin-chan. That’s perfectly normal for roommates.
{The doorbell rings. Misato forces herself up.}
[Misato] I’ll get that.
[Asuka] But a moment ago, you just said,
{Misato opens the door leading outside. The person who rang the doorbell is Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu, Asuka’s mom.}
[Misato] Katsuragi residence, what can I get for you on this blazing scorcher of a day?
[Kyoko] Excuse me, is there someone living here by the name of Asuka Langley Soryu?
[Misato] Oh yeah, she’s one of my pet Pilots. *turns to face Asuka* Hey, Asuka-chan, someone’s here for you.
[Asuka] Oh really? Who could it be?
{Asuka sees it is her mother. Suddenly, her eyes go wide, and she smiles a large smile.}
[Asuka] MOMMY! *running to Kyoko* MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! *embraces Kyoko* Oh Mommy, I missed you so much!
[Kyoko] Oh wow, is that really you, Asuka? You’re still as rambunctious as ever! Let me get a better look at you.
{Asuka steps away, now holding Kyoko’s hands.}
[Kyoko] Aww, you’ve become really beautiful!
{Asuka giggles with her eyes closed. Misato whispers something into Asuka’s ear.}
[Misato] And what was all that talk about Shinji having a mother complex? Seems like you’re rather enjoying your mommy.
{Asuka briefly frowns and narrows her eyes at Misato.}
[Asuka] (in a whisper) You be quiet.
{Asuka smiles and widens her eyes again, then faces her mother.}
[Kyoko] So, what have you been up to, sweetheart?
[Asuka] Oh lots of things! But before I get into that, I just wanna say, *closes her eyes* that I’m so happy to see you again! In fact, I’m so happy, I wanna run around and tell the whole city!
{Asuka dashes out of the apartment, absolutely full of energy.}
[Asuka] *whilst running* WHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
[Misato] Hey wait, you forgot your shoes! Oh well, don’t come complaining to me when your bare feet get bruised and bloodied.
[Kyoko] So who are you supposed to be, Asuka’s caretaker?
[Misato] Caretaker, bodyguard, immediate superior, sorority girl, I do it all.
{About a minute later, Asuka shows up, still driven by limitless energy and happiness. She performs a series of cartwheels and tumbles on her way back.}
[Kyoko] Oh, you’re still of energy as ever!
[Asuka] *giggles* I know! It’s my greatest attribute!
{The scene is now the streets of Tokyo-3. Shinji Ikari and Kensuke Aida are walking to school.}
[Kensuke] So, looking forward to school today?
[Shinji] *sighs* Not really.
[Kensuke] Yeah, I know the novelty wears out at first, but still.
{Shinji and Kensuke arrive at school. Shinji sees a series of Evangelions performing what look like physical education classes. Shinji looks startled.}
[Shinji] (thinking to himself) What the.
[Kensuke] But still, when they finally admitted that our school was actually a military academy for Eva pilots, I exploded in a pile of my own excitement!
[Shinji] Indeed.
{Shinji and Kensuke go into their homeroom class. They seat themselves.}
[Kensuke] Hey Shinji-kun, I’ll bet you can’t guess what I’m thinking about!
[Shinji] I don’t know, the ending to Metal Gear Solid 4 that’s so long, it could’ve been packaged as a stand alone movie in of itself?
[Kensuke] Whoa! It’s like you’re in my head! How’d you know!?
[Shinji] You always obsess over military stuff. I wouldn’t be the least bit shocked to think you’d like a game like that.
[Kensuke] Oh yeah? What about you? What are you thinking about?
[Shinji] My thoughts are none of your business.
{Suddenly, Shinji daydreams about Asuka. Asuka is staring at him, looking very angry.}
[Asuka] That’s probably because all you fantasize about is having a threesome with me and Wonder Doll. What? You’d think I’d forget about that time where you chose both of us? How characteristically perverse of you, baka Shinji. You make me disgusted with my own feelings for you! scheiße!
{Shinji, getting back to reality, looks shaken up, like Asuka really was yelling at him. Kensuke looks worried.}
[Kensuke] What’s wrong? Did I strike a nerve or something?
[Shinji] Uh, no. It’s nothing.
{Later that day after school, in a club room was Rei, Asuka, and Kaworu. Rei was presiding over them, for she was going to make a speech. She looks nervous, and is showing a nervous smile.}
[Rei] Hi everyone! Welcome to the I Love Shinji Club! Since I am the founder and current leader of the I Love Shinji Club, I’ll go first. My name is Rei Ayanami, and I love Shinji Ikari. *sighs out of happiness* I don’t know what it was about him that made me fall instantly in love with him. Perhaps it was the innocence in his eyes. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s a borderline bishounen. Or maybe it’s because he’s kawaii! Whatever the case, my attraction to him was instantaneous. However, in due time, I learned that my love for Shinji-kun wasn’t because of his looks; it was because of his character. He seems unimpressive: his grades are average, he’s not very talkative, and when he does talk, he seems to complain about things not worth complaining about. And yet, the thing is, he’s not like the other boys on campus. He’s very mature for his age. He’s almost like a grownup in a short 14 year old boy’s body. Maybe that contrast makes him all the more adorable! *giggles* He’s thoughtful about other people, which is weird, ‘cause most people are so selfish, it’s sickening. Not Shinji-kun, though. He actually listens to you when you speak! He actually remembers to give you a present for White Day! *narrows her eyes, giving her a love struck look* And although he doesn’t smile very often, when he does smile, it’s so genuine, I can’t help but melt! *closes her eyes completely* Awwwww, I wanna hold him in my arms! I wanna tell him he’s special! I wanna just run away with him and, *opens her eyes, then blushes out of embarrassment* Oh! And thus concludes my speech. If any of you wanna talk about my darling Shinji, please do so now.
{Rei sits down. Asuka goes up to present. She doesn’t look very amused, nor happy to be presenting.}
[Asuka] Hi, I’m Asuka Langley Soryu, and I love Shinji Ikari.
[Rei] SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
[Asuka] Well, I don’t know if “love” is the right word for it, but for whatever reason, I can’t stop thinking about him. Personally, there are some things about him that I can’t stand. Whenever I try to talk to him about anything, he’s like, “my dad this” and “my dad that.” And he always rejects my come-ons, too! And yet, on the other hand, he’s the best Eva pilot in the whole school! Well, not counting me, of course. He’s an absolute badass in an Eva, yet you wouldn’t know that from seeing how meek he is outside of the Evas. So why then do I find myself obsessing over him? Maybe it’s because we have a lot in common, aside from how much he sucks and how awesome I am. Maybe what I see in him is that we could be a warrior couple; he could be the Viking, and I could be the Valkyrie. Maybe that’s it. But for whatever reason, I find myself drawn to him more than all the other boys.
{Asuka sits down. She looks relieved to be finished.}
[Asuka] *sighs* I only did this because Rei dragged me here. (To Rei) Okay, now that I presented, you don’t get to mooch off my homework for a week now!
[Rei] *smiling with her eyes closed* Fair enough!
{Kaworu goes up to speak. He is showing his nondescript smile.}
[Kaworu] Hello, my name is Kaworu Nagisa, and I love Shinji Ikari.
[Rei] I FULLY SUPPORT SHONEN-AI!!!!!!
[Kaworu] Before I start, I just want to point out that miss Soryu’s claim that she is “the best Eva pilot in school” is erroneous. She is actually the second worst Eva pilot in the school.
[Asuka] *looking furious* WHAT DID YOU SAY!? YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
[Kaworu] There is no need for me to retract my statement. It is the truth; as of today, you have the second lowest sync rate out of all the Eva pilots. You score even lower than Misato-sensei’s pet penguin. In fact, the only person worse than you is that hack whose family name is Anno-
[Asuka] -Why don’t you drop this subject right now, BEFORE I DROP YOU!
[Kaworu] Fair enough. This is a convention for those attracted to Shinji, not an outlining of Asuka’s faults.
{Asuka is grinding her teeth in frustration.}
[Kaworu] Now, my reasons for loving Shinji are simple. Out of all the Eva pilots, he shows the most promise. Yet, at the same time, he is very frail. Physically frail, mentally frail, and emotionally frail. Not only that, he has a desire to please those around him, at his own expense. This makes him very easy to manipulate. I can win his trust with the greatest of ease. It’s simple, just treat him with decency, and he’ll throw himself at you! His skills as an Eva pilot, coupled with his desperation for love and acceptance, make him irresistible for me, although, you must keep in mind, my love for Shinji is different from yours. I love him for he will prove useful for my . . . plans.
[Asuka] Plans? What plans?
[Kaworu] I can’t disclose that information at this time. Suffice to say, my love for Shinji is not out of a desire to “jump his bones”, but rather, because he will assist me in carrying out something I’ve been wanting to carry out for a long time. That is all.
[Rei] (looks confused) Oooooooooooooooooo-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
{Meanwhile, on the surface of Earth’s Moon.}
[Bardiel] This sucks.
[Zeruel] I know.
[Arael] Thirded.
[Armisael] At least when we were on Earth, we got to do shit. Now, all we can do is float around, and talk. What a meaningless existence; we just stand around, and talk!
[Bardiel] Dude, did you just make a reference to Red versus Blue?
[Armisael] I don’t know, did I?
[Ramiel] It must be that one Author again, the American one. He must be controlling us again. Leliel, are you hearing the thoughts of whoever stranded us here?
[Leliel] Indeed I am. You know what he’s saying? Listen to this, “It is not in my nature to derail previously set characterizations in my fanfiction. I respect the original canon as much as I can. In doing so, I don’t create new characters, and I avoid a few pitfalls common in fanfiction. That said, I do put my own twists in it. For example, in my Tales of Legendia fanfic, I shipped Senel and Chloe, because I feel they are a better pair than Senel and Shirley. Also, I killed off Norma, not because she got between Senel and Chloe, which she didn’t, but only because I have wanted to kill her for so long. God, that felt good! Concerning my Eva fanfic, the only major change I really made was I made the Angels talk and live on the Moon, though I only did this for comedic purposes. That said, I am gonna ship Shinji with someone. Who should Shinji end up with, in my opinion? Read on and find out!”
[Sandalphon] Hey wait, did he say we were all for comedic purposes, like a clown? Is he calling us Angels, is he calling us clowns!?
[Sahaquiel] Hey wait, concerning our past, the Author currently controlling us has been rather conservative with his powers, don’t you think? Most authors who were not those original Japanese authors have a tendency to turn the one called Shinji Ikari into a fearless young man who never backs down from a challenge. Not only that, some of these Authors like to invent people from out of nowhere, and these new people always seem to enter into a sexual relationship with either the one named Rei Ayanami or the one named Asuka Langley Soryu. Not only that, these people from out of nowhere seem to make the entire world revolve around them. I don’t see any of that here. This Author is rather restrained, no?
[Leliel] “What? Are you saying I’m not audacious enough? Well gosh, I apologize for not succumbing to the errors common for inexperienced writers. Yeah, I mean, it’s true I’m using Leliel as my Author Avatar, but you should be thankful only he has my character voice. Would you like it if you and everyone else had the same voice as me? You all spoke the same dialogue in the same manner as me? Do ya? ‘Cause I’m good enough to know that different characters always have a different way with words.”
[Israfel] Yeah, I think it’s pretty strange that only one of us is talking like the Author. Hey, Author, if we’re nothing but comic relief to you, then stop pretending you understand the nuances of character voice, and render us all your Avatars.
[Leliel] “Okay, fine. See if I care.”
[Sachiel] “I love macaroni and cheese!”
[Shamshel] “Colonel Jade Curtiss is my homeboy!”
[Ramiel] “Math 90 sucks!”
[Gaghiel] “If I wrote a Chobits fanfic, I’d ship Hideki and Chitose, ‘cause he totally deserves a babe like her!”
[Israfel] “Maim, kill, burn! MAIM, KILL, BURN!”
[Sandalphon] “Sakaki is hot!”
[Matariel] “So is Asagi!”
[Sahaquiel] “Did you know, a lifetime ago, I was a fan of Pokemon? Not anymore, though. Pokefans these days are mainly hardcore gamers who still have the time and patience to create a level 100 party. I don’t. It also doesn’t help that Pokefans face a lot of discrimination in American culture now. Since renouncing my Pokefandom, I’d say about 12 less assholes have called me a ‘gay fag’ for liking Pokemon. It also doesn’t help that I was only a fan of the games. I hate the Pokemon anime, then and now. Even without 4Kids’ edits, the Pokemon anime still sucks like you cannot believe. Oh well. Pokemon had its moment in the spotlight. And so did I, considering that for a brief time, it was actually ‘cool’ to like Pokemon, and for a brief time, I actually went along with popular opinion, and was not hated for it! 1999 was a fuckin’ weird year to be alive, that’s for sure.”
[Bardiel] “You wanna know what I can’t wait for? BIOSHOCK 2! I love saying that.”
[Zeruel] “Cowboy Bebop is overrated!”
[Arael] “You may be asking yourselves, why am I referring mostly to Japanese pop culture in these messages of mine? Well, gee, did it ever occur to that you’re reading a fanfic based off a Japanese cartoon series? And a Japanese comic book series? And at least two dating sims that I’m aware of? I just thought I’d give you a friendly reminder.”
[Armisael] “I’M THE ARMISAEL, BITCH!”
[Leliel] “There, are you happy now? Are you happy? Don’t tell me you’re not happy, ‘cause I certainly am not!”
[Iruel] Hey wait, how come I didn’t become a mouthpiece for the Author?
[Bardiel] Because no one likes your style.
[Iruel] What? Just because I didn’t fight the Evas and have no actual image?
[Matariel] Exactly.
[Iruel] Hey wait! I just heard the Author say something!
[Israfel] Oh really? What’d he say?
[Iruel] “FUCK SLAYERS!”
[Zeruel] Uh, okay, little man.
{the scene is now inside of a fancy restaurant. Shinji and Asuka are seated at a table, facing each other. They both look like they are in their mid-20's. Shinji is wearing a black tuxedo, and Asuka is wearing a purple dress. A waiter comes and takes their order. The waiter leaves. Asuka begins to speak.}
[Asuka] Isn’t it amazing?
[Shinji] Yeah, this place is really beautiful. The service has been nothing short of fantastic, and even the live music is great.
[Asuka] Not the restaurant, silly! I meant us! I was just thinking, it’s really amazing, everything that’s happened to us. We’ve been through a lot, and I mean a lot. Where most people have had a little rain in their lives, we had freakin’ hurricanes. At regular intervals. It’s a miracle that we’re even still alive, and with all of our appendages still semi-attached. I know I really should be grateful, and, I guess I’m being more grateful now.
[Shinji] Yeah, I get what you’re saying. It’s really miraculous that we’re still here, after everything.
[Asuka] If you ask me, I think we and the other Eva pilots were the greatest heroes in history!
[Shinji] Uh, I’m not so sure about that.
[Asuka] Why must you be so modest all the time!? Is that some Japanese thing again?
[Shinji] I’m not sure, actually.
[Asuka] Well I’m just glad everything worked out fine. We’ve lost a lot of good people in our lives, and yet, everything is smooth sailing now. I wouldn’t mind if we got married and moved in together and had kids now.
[Shinji] *blushing, with a nervous smile* R-Really!?
[Asuka] Oh yeah. I knew there was something special about you when we first met. It took a long time, but, I think you’ve realized your true potential now.
[Shinji] *still blushing with a nervous smile* Oh Asuka, you’re making my face redden!
[Asuka] *smiling with her eyes closed* I am good at that. *opens her eyes* Then again, I think it’s only natural that anyone who survives the apocalypse will come out totally awesome. (In German) “That which does not kill me can only make me stronger.”
[Shinji] *looking confused* Uh, can you repeat that in Japanese? I’m still having a hard time learning German, remember?
[Asuka] *glancing at something* Hey look! Our food’s ready!
{Shinji and Asuka eat their meal. When they are finished, they look satisfied.}
[Asuka] Wow, I’m stuffed! It was worth every bite, though!
{Shinji ignores her, looking away.}
[Asuka] Hey, Shinji, look at me when I talk.
[Shinji] Is this real?
[Asuka] Huh? Where’s this coming from?
[Shinji] This restaurant, the food, me and you, is all of this real? Or is this just another consequence of the Third Impact?
[Asuka] Whuh, Third Impact? Don’t be a dummkopf, Shinji! Human Instrumentality failed; everything’s gone back to normal!
[Shinji] (looking surprised) Really!? Are you serious!?
[Asuka] Of course I’m serious! What, did someone not leave you a note or something?
[Shinji] Uh, I guess not. But, if we really aren’t experiencing Human Instrumentality anymore, then that means I can’t get away with THIS! *looks away* HI MOM!
{There is an awkward pause.}
[Shinji] Hey, she didn’t show up.
[Asuka] I told you, Human Instrumentality is over. Apparently, that sort of thing could only work if every last human being alive agreed to live in Instrumentality, but that wasn’t the case, so eventually, we all ended up back in the real world, for lack of a better phrase. Why are you only picking up on this now?
[Shinji] I don’t know. I guess, I guess I just got so sick of my life that I ran away, and didn’t want to come back for so long, but, now I realize, everything that’s happened in the past is, well, in the past. The future doesn’t have to be like the past. Hey, I just realized something, you and me, how long have we been, together?
[Asuka] Well, ever since you told Rei that you can’t be with her, on account of her being a relative of yours, you quickly hooked up with me.
[Shinji] Hey, did you just refer to Rei-chan by her actual name!?
[Asuka] *blushing* Uh, what’s that supposed to mean!?
[Shinji] It means you don’t hate Rei anymore! That’s awfully nice of you!
[Asuka] Well, to be honest, when she learned that you were going out with me, I feared that she would’ve killed herself. She really loved you, like, a lot. But, she took it really well. She even found someone else!
[Shinji] Really? Who?
{Cut to inside some random house. Rei, looking to be in her mid 20's, is sitting on a couch. She is wearing a robe.}
[Rei] Honey, could you come in here and give me a back rub? My muscles are stiff.
{Suddenly, a very enthusiastic Kensuke comes into the room.}
[Kensuke] Already on it!
{Back to the restaurant.}
[Asuka] Yeah, it seems crazy, but it’s true. Unfortunately, anybody who died before the Third Impact didn’t come back, like Ryoji, and Toji. Hikari’s still single, ya know.
[Shinji] Yeah.
[Asuka] But now we can look forward to new challenges, like marriage, kids, getting life insurance policy.
[Shinji] Uh, you seem pretty forward with the idea of us getting married.
[Asuka] What? You don’t want to?
[Shinji] Uh, it’s not that! Yes, I do wanna spend the rest of my life with you, Asuka. It’s just, just, overwhelming, I guess is the best way to put it.
[Asuka] Yeah. I was nervous about telling you, myself. So, you wanna go back home?
[Shinji] Sure.
{Shinji and Asuka step outside. A limousine is waiting for them. Shinji is surprised.}
[Shinji] A-A limo!?
[Asuka] We’re heroes, Shinji! We have the respect of everyone in the world now! Come on; let’s get going already!
{Shinji and Asuka get in the limousine. It is driven off to an unknown location. Shinji looks out of the window and at the stars of the night sky. Asuka lays her head on Shinji’s shoulder. Shinji sees this, and smiles.}
[Shinji] The nightmare is finally over.
[Asuka] All we needed was time. Time to heal. Time to get over our neuroses.
[Shinji] Maybe so. It’s seems funny; I never looked forward to anything in life. I always had my mind in the present. Well, I still do, but now, now I see the future too, and it’s comforting, in a way.
[Asuka] Shinji, your words are ruining the moment.
[Shinji] Huh?
[Asuka] Please, don’t talk. I just want to enjoy this moment with you.
[Shinji] Sure.
{Asuka closes her eyes in bliss. The limo keeps driving off.}
The End.
P.S. Speaking of fanfics, the Code Geass fanfic I love has updated since I last talked about it. Read that after you read my piece.
Walked in like a lion, came out as a lamb.
So going back to onemanga.com, i tried to see if the manga version of the dreaded (on this blog, anyways) Fruits Basket is any better than the exercrable anime.
Technically, it is. However, the manga version of FB is . . . tolerable. Barely tolerable. There are a lot more details in the story, the Sohma family characters are more fleshed out, and the manga, being the original story, wasn't dumbed down in any way unlike the anime. The artwork's pretty good, too. However, this is being really generous on my part. Tohru is still too much of a dork to be likable, and I still just can't take the story seriously. I just can't take the idea of avoiding sexual relations because of the "if I get hugged by a girl, I turn into an animal!" concept seriously.
So, you could RTFM for FB, but I wouldn't reccomend it. You just might get your brain bloken. My drain wasn't bamaged from the manga version of FB, considering that I have survived trying to watch the anime version, but, yeah. It's overrated. WAY overrated. If anyone reccomends FB to you in any form, take everything they say about Japanese pop culture with suspicion.
You know what? FUCK Fruits Basket. I'm going back to the manga I own instead. Who needs FB when you've got FMA, TRC, XXXHolic, the early volumes of Bleach, Eva, and Chrono Crusade? Exactly.
Technically, it is. However, the manga version of FB is . . . tolerable. Barely tolerable. There are a lot more details in the story, the Sohma family characters are more fleshed out, and the manga, being the original story, wasn't dumbed down in any way unlike the anime. The artwork's pretty good, too. However, this is being really generous on my part. Tohru is still too much of a dork to be likable, and I still just can't take the story seriously. I just can't take the idea of avoiding sexual relations because of the "if I get hugged by a girl, I turn into an animal!" concept seriously.
So, you could RTFM for FB, but I wouldn't reccomend it. You just might get your brain bloken. My drain wasn't bamaged from the manga version of FB, considering that I have survived trying to watch the anime version, but, yeah. It's overrated. WAY overrated. If anyone reccomends FB to you in any form, take everything they say about Japanese pop culture with suspicion.
You know what? FUCK Fruits Basket. I'm going back to the manga I own instead. Who needs FB when you've got FMA, TRC, XXXHolic, the early volumes of Bleach, Eva, and Chrono Crusade? Exactly.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Time for a review
As much as I raved about Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete, I spared you my most fanboyish of ravings. Now that I have beaten the game, I can do a review.
"And now it's time for Scholastic Reviews of the 21st Century, with xm0123. Today's review: Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete for the original Sony Playstation."
OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST GAME I HAVE EVER PLAYED IN MY LIFE!
THERE'S THIS BOY NAMED ALEX, AND HE'S LIKE, "I want to be a dragonmaster, like Dyne!" AND THERE'S THIS GIRL NAMED LUNA, AND SHE'S LIKE, "I swear, Alex, you and your adventuring!" AND HE'S LIKE, "wanna help become a dragonmaster?" AND SHE'S LIKE, "Okay." AND THEN THEY SET OFF FOR A CAVE WITH A DRAGON IN IT, BUT THEY ALSO INVITE TWO OTHER FRIENDS OF ALEX'S, A BOY NAMED RAMUS, AND NALL, WHO IS, AND I SWEAR I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP, A FLYING TALKING CAT!
I had a cat like that once, only it didn't fly, and when it talked, it spoke entirely in Swedish.
MORE GAMES NEED FLYING TALKING CATS! SO THEY ALL GO INTO THE CAVE AND . . .
Okay, I think I ripped off the Bum Review section of thatguywiththeglasses.com enough now. I wouldn't say Lunar is the greatest game I have ever played, but it is my second-favorite stat-based RPG for the PS1, behind only Final fantasy 9. I give it 10 out of 10.
Now to move on to Tales of Vesperia, which I bought recently.
"And now it's time for Scholastic Reviews of the 21st Century, with xm0123. Today's review: Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete for the original Sony Playstation."
OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST GAME I HAVE EVER PLAYED IN MY LIFE!
THERE'S THIS BOY NAMED ALEX, AND HE'S LIKE, "I want to be a dragonmaster, like Dyne!" AND THERE'S THIS GIRL NAMED LUNA, AND SHE'S LIKE, "I swear, Alex, you and your adventuring!" AND HE'S LIKE, "wanna help become a dragonmaster?" AND SHE'S LIKE, "Okay." AND THEN THEY SET OFF FOR A CAVE WITH A DRAGON IN IT, BUT THEY ALSO INVITE TWO OTHER FRIENDS OF ALEX'S, A BOY NAMED RAMUS, AND NALL, WHO IS, AND I SWEAR I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP, A FLYING TALKING CAT!
I had a cat like that once, only it didn't fly, and when it talked, it spoke entirely in Swedish.
MORE GAMES NEED FLYING TALKING CATS! SO THEY ALL GO INTO THE CAVE AND . . .
Okay, I think I ripped off the Bum Review section of thatguywiththeglasses.com enough now. I wouldn't say Lunar is the greatest game I have ever played, but it is my second-favorite stat-based RPG for the PS1, behind only Final fantasy 9. I give it 10 out of 10.
Now to move on to Tales of Vesperia, which I bought recently.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
V-Day Awaits
Unlike last year, right now, I am not crippled by an incredibly intense cold. In fact, I'm quite healthy! So this year, I'll actually be able to write about Valentine's Day . . . on Valentine's Day!
Ah yes, Saint Valentine's Day, a day of romance. A day of saying to your most beloved how much they mean to you. A day for machismo-obsessed men to be seen carrying around roses and heart-shaped candies, a day for women to go, "AAWWWWWW!!!!!' over teddy bears with magnetic lips, a day for capitalists to mooch cash off of people who honestly think acquiring and giving material possessions is a sign of Twue Wove.
Yeah. I don't really celebrate V-Day.
In fact, I don't have pleasant memories of V-Day. I remember back in elementary school, the schools made us buy Valentine cards and give them to everyone in our classes, even if the recipients were outside of our preferred genders. Seriously, we gave cards of various Looney Tunes declaring love to boys AND girls. Were the schools encouraging bisexuality? Why would I do that? I'm not bisexual!
Well, anyways, they stopped forcing us to do that by the 6th grade, much to our relief. Now, though, as you may recall, I don't have a girlfriend. And I never have. Fear not, however, for-
-"You can always adopt an imaginary girlfriend, right xm?"
Uh, you could, but I don't think that's necessary. But I can still send a Valentine's card out to the internet. *ahem* Attention, human females; if you are as cute as this girl:
contact me via PM. That is all.
Hey, don't look at me like that! I've met several girls over the years who are as cute as Yukari-chan! It's the truth! I'm just using her as an example!
But yeah. It looks like another romance-less V-Day for me. I've gotten used to it, though. It's surprising how much fun one can have without a love interest.
Ah yes, Saint Valentine's Day, a day of romance. A day of saying to your most beloved how much they mean to you. A day for machismo-obsessed men to be seen carrying around roses and heart-shaped candies, a day for women to go, "AAWWWWWW!!!!!' over teddy bears with magnetic lips, a day for capitalists to mooch cash off of people who honestly think acquiring and giving material possessions is a sign of Twue Wove.
Yeah. I don't really celebrate V-Day.
In fact, I don't have pleasant memories of V-Day. I remember back in elementary school, the schools made us buy Valentine cards and give them to everyone in our classes, even if the recipients were outside of our preferred genders. Seriously, we gave cards of various Looney Tunes declaring love to boys AND girls. Were the schools encouraging bisexuality? Why would I do that? I'm not bisexual!
Well, anyways, they stopped forcing us to do that by the 6th grade, much to our relief. Now, though, as you may recall, I don't have a girlfriend. And I never have. Fear not, however, for-
-"You can always adopt an imaginary girlfriend, right xm?"
Uh, you could, but I don't think that's necessary. But I can still send a Valentine's card out to the internet. *ahem* Attention, human females; if you are as cute as this girl:
contact me via PM. That is all.
Hey, don't look at me like that! I've met several girls over the years who are as cute as Yukari-chan! It's the truth! I'm just using her as an example!
But yeah. It looks like another romance-less V-Day for me. I've gotten used to it, though. It's surprising how much fun one can have without a love interest.
Friday, February 13, 2009
DOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!
You gotta see this.
It's Akinator the Web Genius, a genie who can guess who you're thinking about. It can be a celebrity, someone you know, or a character from a work of fiction. This is a lot of fun. Careful, he's smarter than you can realize. Although he is beatable . . .
It's Akinator the Web Genius, a genie who can guess who you're thinking about. It can be a celebrity, someone you know, or a character from a work of fiction. This is a lot of fun. Careful, he's smarter than you can realize. Although he is beatable . . .
Plans
Plans for the future . . . what? You think I'm gonna disclose my life plans? Ha! I know no one's interested in reading about my plans for what I do in the real world. So instead, I'll detail plans about mindless diversions.
Soon, I will purchase Tales of Vesperia for my 360. I need something other than licensed videogames, ya know.
When the second half of Death Note comes out in a box set, expect me to buy that. And if Kyoto Animation ever puts out more seasons of the Haruhi anime, (and assuming it gets released here in America also), I will buy that. Also, when Ponyo on the Cliff gets released on video in the States, I may rent it, and probably buy it if it is buy-worthy.
There's a lot of manga volumes I still want. Too many to list.
Season 4 of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Man, this is boring. Hey, I know! I'll talk about Sailor Moon some more!
That essay I pointed out said that the author would like to see a new anime series of Sailor Moon, one that is very close to the original manga. I too would like to see that, too. Why? Here's why: (note: because I haven't read that much of the manga, some of this information is derived from Wikipedia, and may not be wholly accurate.):
-Well for one thing, there would be no sexist overtones. Usagi and Minako wouldn't be ditzy dumb blondes, for example.
-Tuxedo Kamen wouldn't throw roses, because he doesn't need to throw stupid roses! Seriously, what kind of lameass power is that to have as a superhero, anyways? He never throws roses in the manga.
-Chibiusa would be much less annoying, and much more competent as a Sailor Senshi.
-Rei and the Outer Senshi wouldn't be cold, aloof, mean chicks.
-NO FUCKING TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCES! In the manga, all they do to transform is hold up their pen, say, "[planet] Prism Power MAKE UP!", there's a bright flash, and then they're in uniform. That's it. None of this sexual fanservice bullshit.
-Please, please, PLEASE at least have competent animation. There's a reason I chuckled when Serena said, "I love low-budget anime!" in Sailor Moon Abridged.
-It would have far fewer episodes that the old anime, since the manga moves at a faster pace. No more than 50 episodes should be made.
Also, there are some scenes in the manga that could be expanded upon. Like perhaps have more dialogue in some scenes that could benefit from that.
Oh, and also, release the redone SM manga in English, and unflopped while you're at it. Thank you.
Soon, I will purchase Tales of Vesperia for my 360. I need something other than licensed videogames, ya know.
When the second half of Death Note comes out in a box set, expect me to buy that. And if Kyoto Animation ever puts out more seasons of the Haruhi anime, (and assuming it gets released here in America also), I will buy that. Also, when Ponyo on the Cliff gets released on video in the States, I may rent it, and probably buy it if it is buy-worthy.
There's a lot of manga volumes I still want. Too many to list.
Season 4 of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Man, this is boring. Hey, I know! I'll talk about Sailor Moon some more!
That essay I pointed out said that the author would like to see a new anime series of Sailor Moon, one that is very close to the original manga. I too would like to see that, too. Why? Here's why: (note: because I haven't read that much of the manga, some of this information is derived from Wikipedia, and may not be wholly accurate.):
-Well for one thing, there would be no sexist overtones. Usagi and Minako wouldn't be ditzy dumb blondes, for example.
-Tuxedo Kamen wouldn't throw roses, because he doesn't need to throw stupid roses! Seriously, what kind of lameass power is that to have as a superhero, anyways? He never throws roses in the manga.
-Chibiusa would be much less annoying, and much more competent as a Sailor Senshi.
-Rei and the Outer Senshi wouldn't be cold, aloof, mean chicks.
-NO FUCKING TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCES! In the manga, all they do to transform is hold up their pen, say, "[planet] Prism Power MAKE UP!", there's a bright flash, and then they're in uniform. That's it. None of this sexual fanservice bullshit.
-Please, please, PLEASE at least have competent animation. There's a reason I chuckled when Serena said, "I love low-budget anime!" in Sailor Moon Abridged.
-It would have far fewer episodes that the old anime, since the manga moves at a faster pace. No more than 50 episodes should be made.
Also, there are some scenes in the manga that could be expanded upon. Like perhaps have more dialogue in some scenes that could benefit from that.
Oh, and also, release the redone SM manga in English, and unflopped while you're at it. Thank you.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
More madness
So yeah, I'm a Sailor Moon fan now. Hard to believe, I know.
However, I am a fan of the SM manga, and Sailor Moon Abridged. To differentiate between the two, when I am talking about the actual SM series, I will use the Japanese names. When I am talking about SMA, I will use the Americanized names.
For example, Rei in the manga is a total badass! I like her! Meanwhile, Raye in SMA is a total psychobitch! I like her, too!
See how easy that was?
But yes, if you wanna see a version of Sailor Moon that doesn't make me wanna cut myself, you must obey four key words:
Read.
The.
Fucking.
MANGA!!!!!
*bleep bloop*
("Just read it, already!" Support the manga of an anime over its anime counterpart. 50G.)
There we go.
Oh, I just thought of something interesting. Or should I say, dangerous. What if I were to read the manga version of Fruits Basket? What if, I end up, liking it? I may very well go into convulsions. Of course, if it sucks as much as the FB anime, I'll still go into convulsions anyways. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
So yeah, I'm just reiterating that anime fans should stop assuming anime and manga are interchangeable, because most of the time, they aren't. They're just like books and films from any other place in the world. Yay.
However, I am a fan of the SM manga, and Sailor Moon Abridged. To differentiate between the two, when I am talking about the actual SM series, I will use the Japanese names. When I am talking about SMA, I will use the Americanized names.
For example, Rei in the manga is a total badass! I like her! Meanwhile, Raye in SMA is a total psychobitch! I like her, too!
See how easy that was?
But yes, if you wanna see a version of Sailor Moon that doesn't make me wanna cut myself, you must obey four key words:
Read.
The.
Fucking.
MANGA!!!!!
*bleep bloop*
("Just read it, already!" Support the manga of an anime over its anime counterpart. 50G.)
There we go.
Oh, I just thought of something interesting. Or should I say, dangerous. What if I were to read the manga version of Fruits Basket? What if, I end up, liking it? I may very well go into convulsions. Of course, if it sucks as much as the FB anime, I'll still go into convulsions anyways. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
So yeah, I'm just reiterating that anime fans should stop assuming anime and manga are interchangeable, because most of the time, they aren't. They're just like books and films from any other place in the world. Yay.
Brace yourselves for sheer utter madness
AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN DECEIVED FOR ALL OF THESE YEARS!!?!?!?!? HOW COULD I HAVE GONE ALL OF THESE YEARS INFLICTING (somewhat) MISPLACED HATRED!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHY!?!?!? WHHHYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Well peoples, let it be known that you can't say something completely sucks if you haven't seen it. This is especially true of reading the original novel versions of movies and tv shows. Oh gosh, I have recently borne witness to one of the WORST manga-to-anime transitions in the history of ever. A classic, clear-cut example of adaptation decay, as it where. And you know what's really crazy? This franchise used to be very popular.
Now, for my example, I couldn't go to the bookstore to read my newest example. I had to read, yes, a scanlation. This manga series is available in English, however, it's been out of print for several years. Also, the scanlation I read was of a remastered version of the manga, supposedly with touched-up dialog and artwork. By the way, this all ties in with a discovery I made not too long ago. Well, let's just say I made another discovery, in the most unlikely of places.
I read the first two "remastered" graphic novels of Sailor Moon.
I was wrong. Boy howdy, was I wrong. All these years, I should've been hating the anime version of Sailor Moon, not Sailor Moon in general. Why do I say this? Because I like Sailor Moon, the original Sailor Moon manga, that is. Why do I like the SM manga a lot more than the SM anime? Well, first, I'm gonna point you to an essay I found.
Check it.
Upon realizing that there's a version of SM out there that doesn't have sexist undertones, loads and loads of filler, stock footage, and other forms of stupidity, I went to onemanga.com and looked for myself. Now, only two volumes are currently up, but now, I have seen the light, and it is good. Granted, the scanlation does have a few errors, as well as some awkward sounding dialog. Nonetheless, it is the SM that people should be familiar with.
Now, this isn't one of the best manga I've ever read. The story is still pretty basic, and I can still summarize the characters with one sentence per Sailor Senshi. However, SM is fun. And it is entertaining in its own fun way, and sometimes, that's all you need. Now, will it dethrone my favorite shoujo series Cardcaptor Sakura? No. But is it still fun, and filled with positive messages for girls and boys alike? Yes. And the last chapter currently up ends on a thrilling cliffhanger. Oh, cliffhangers are always nerve-wracking!
So, now that I'm apparently a Moonie, I had to go back and retcon a few articles in this blog. Also, I want to repeat a message Strong Bad once said, but with a few choice words changed.
YOU ANIME TYPES RUINED SAILOR MOON! JUST LIKE YOU DID TSUBASA RESERVOIR CHRONICLE, CHRONO CRUSADE, AKIRA, AND BERSERK!!!!!!! Okay, so I'm just going off secondhand accounts concerning the manga version of Akira and Berserk, considering that I've never read their respective mangas, but still!
Oh, the humanity of it all! All these years, I've had a wrong impression of SM! To make up for it, here's a pic of a Sailor Senshi I've come to like:
Isn't she cute!? I think so. I'm gonna list Sailor Saturn in my master list of cute anime girls now. Only problem is, I can't decide if I want her on my Moderately Cute list, or my Insanely Cute list. Decisions, decisions.
Anyways, I'm still recovering from the shock that there's a good version of Sailor Moon out there, so I'll be signing off now. BYE NIIIIIIIIIII!!!! ^_^
GUMF! Hotaru-chan's cuteness is getting to me!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN DECEIVED FOR ALL OF THESE YEARS!!?!?!?!? HOW COULD I HAVE GONE ALL OF THESE YEARS INFLICTING (somewhat) MISPLACED HATRED!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHY!?!?!? WHHHYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Well peoples, let it be known that you can't say something completely sucks if you haven't seen it. This is especially true of reading the original novel versions of movies and tv shows. Oh gosh, I have recently borne witness to one of the WORST manga-to-anime transitions in the history of ever. A classic, clear-cut example of adaptation decay, as it where. And you know what's really crazy? This franchise used to be very popular.
Now, for my example, I couldn't go to the bookstore to read my newest example. I had to read, yes, a scanlation. This manga series is available in English, however, it's been out of print for several years. Also, the scanlation I read was of a remastered version of the manga, supposedly with touched-up dialog and artwork. By the way, this all ties in with a discovery I made not too long ago. Well, let's just say I made another discovery, in the most unlikely of places.
I read the first two "remastered" graphic novels of Sailor Moon.
I was wrong. Boy howdy, was I wrong. All these years, I should've been hating the anime version of Sailor Moon, not Sailor Moon in general. Why do I say this? Because I like Sailor Moon, the original Sailor Moon manga, that is. Why do I like the SM manga a lot more than the SM anime? Well, first, I'm gonna point you to an essay I found.
Check it.
Upon realizing that there's a version of SM out there that doesn't have sexist undertones, loads and loads of filler, stock footage, and other forms of stupidity, I went to onemanga.com and looked for myself. Now, only two volumes are currently up, but now, I have seen the light, and it is good. Granted, the scanlation does have a few errors, as well as some awkward sounding dialog. Nonetheless, it is the SM that people should be familiar with.
Now, this isn't one of the best manga I've ever read. The story is still pretty basic, and I can still summarize the characters with one sentence per Sailor Senshi. However, SM is fun. And it is entertaining in its own fun way, and sometimes, that's all you need. Now, will it dethrone my favorite shoujo series Cardcaptor Sakura? No. But is it still fun, and filled with positive messages for girls and boys alike? Yes. And the last chapter currently up ends on a thrilling cliffhanger. Oh, cliffhangers are always nerve-wracking!
So, now that I'm apparently a Moonie, I had to go back and retcon a few articles in this blog. Also, I want to repeat a message Strong Bad once said, but with a few choice words changed.
YOU ANIME TYPES RUINED SAILOR MOON! JUST LIKE YOU DID TSUBASA RESERVOIR CHRONICLE, CHRONO CRUSADE, AKIRA, AND BERSERK!!!!!!! Okay, so I'm just going off secondhand accounts concerning the manga version of Akira and Berserk, considering that I've never read their respective mangas, but still!
Oh, the humanity of it all! All these years, I've had a wrong impression of SM! To make up for it, here's a pic of a Sailor Senshi I've come to like:
Isn't she cute!? I think so. I'm gonna list Sailor Saturn in my master list of cute anime girls now. Only problem is, I can't decide if I want her on my Moderately Cute list, or my Insanely Cute list. Decisions, decisions.
Anyways, I'm still recovering from the shock that there's a good version of Sailor Moon out there, so I'll be signing off now. BYE NIIIIIIIIIII!!!! ^_^
GUMF! Hotaru-chan's cuteness is getting to me!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Just in case the message didn't come across to you last time
"Hey xm, what's all this hype I keep hearing about Chrono Crusade? I keep hearing it's like the best shonen series about humans and demons ever, but I saw it, every episode, and it disappointed me! What gives!?"
Good question, my friend. Chrono Crusade is one of my favorite series of all time. However, to enjoy the awesomeness that is CC, you must do the following: Read The Fucking Manga! Actually, most people actually agree that the anime CC is a serious screwup of what is otherwise a classic action manga.
"Hey xm, I don't get all this hype about Evangelion! Everyone acts like it's the best anime series of the mid '90's! Yet, I saw it, and it wasn't anything special! If anything, it disgusted me, and it didn't make any sense! What the hell, Studio Gainax!?"
Well, actually, Eva does have its merits. And, ya know, there is a way you can love Eva the way it was meant to be loved. To do that, one must Read The Fucking Manga! . . . oh wait, there's more than one manga series. Read the one authored by Yoshiyuki Sadamoto. "One of the founding members of Gainax." There's your seal of approval.
"hey yo, the animation in XXXHolic sucks! And the character designs aren't that good, either!"
Well friend, you may be surprised to know that XXXHolic's character artwork is actually some of CLAMP's best. However, to fully appreciate the drawings of the seinen character study that is XXXHolic, you must do exactly as I say: Read The Freaking Manga!
"Hey, is it just me, or are you just desperate to turn 'RTFM' into another one of your catchphrases? Is scoring imaginary Xbox Live points that important to you?"
Am I trying to turn my own version of "RTFM" into a catchphrase of mine? Yes? Am I desperate to score imaginary Xbox Live points? No. I could care less about scoring real Xbox Live points on my 360.
But still, anyone in the know of J-pop culture knows that Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles doesn't end at the "Tokyo Revelations" arc. Despite what the now-cancelled anime would have you believe, it actually goes on after that. Want to know what happens? Want to learn more about Fai D. Flourite? The answer is in four magical words:
READ THE FUCKING MANGA!!!!!!!!
*sighs* I think the next time I do this, I should finally score those points.
Good question, my friend. Chrono Crusade is one of my favorite series of all time. However, to enjoy the awesomeness that is CC, you must do the following: Read The Fucking Manga! Actually, most people actually agree that the anime CC is a serious screwup of what is otherwise a classic action manga.
"Hey xm, I don't get all this hype about Evangelion! Everyone acts like it's the best anime series of the mid '90's! Yet, I saw it, and it wasn't anything special! If anything, it disgusted me, and it didn't make any sense! What the hell, Studio Gainax!?"
Well, actually, Eva does have its merits. And, ya know, there is a way you can love Eva the way it was meant to be loved. To do that, one must Read The Fucking Manga! . . . oh wait, there's more than one manga series. Read the one authored by Yoshiyuki Sadamoto. "One of the founding members of Gainax." There's your seal of approval.
"hey yo, the animation in XXXHolic sucks! And the character designs aren't that good, either!"
Well friend, you may be surprised to know that XXXHolic's character artwork is actually some of CLAMP's best. However, to fully appreciate the drawings of the seinen character study that is XXXHolic, you must do exactly as I say: Read The Freaking Manga!
"Hey, is it just me, or are you just desperate to turn 'RTFM' into another one of your catchphrases? Is scoring imaginary Xbox Live points that important to you?"
Am I trying to turn my own version of "RTFM" into a catchphrase of mine? Yes? Am I desperate to score imaginary Xbox Live points? No. I could care less about scoring real Xbox Live points on my 360.
But still, anyone in the know of J-pop culture knows that Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles doesn't end at the "Tokyo Revelations" arc. Despite what the now-cancelled anime would have you believe, it actually goes on after that. Want to know what happens? Want to learn more about Fai D. Flourite? The answer is in four magical words:
READ THE FUCKING MANGA!!!!!!!!
*sighs* I think the next time I do this, I should finally score those points.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Just read it, already!
There's been an old phrase in the gamer community that's been around for a long, long time. It goes like this: "RTFM." It means, "Read The Fucking Manual!" Of course, if you don't have the manual, that sucks.
Today, I present a slight variation of RTFM: "Read The Fucking Manga!" Obviously. Coming from somebody who generally enjoys manga more than anime . . . yeah.
Example: Hey kids! Didn't like Scar's portrayal in the anime version of Fullmetal Alchemist? Didn't like the weirdass ending? Didn't like how Mustang abandoned his dream of becoming fuhrer in the movie? Want more scenes with Ed, Al, Winry, or any combination of the three? Felt Envy wasn't evil enough? I have a solution for you: Read The Freakin' Manga!
Another example: Felt the movie version of Nausicaa wasn't that great? Would you even say it was the O word? (overrated.) Take my advice: Read Thuh Effin Magna!
Here's another one: as much as I love the anime version of Cardcaptor Sakura, do you feel it could have a better ending? Why yes, it does! All you have to do is Read The Fuh Keeng Manga!
This could almost become a catchphrase of mine.
Today, I present a slight variation of RTFM: "Read The Fucking Manga!" Obviously. Coming from somebody who generally enjoys manga more than anime . . . yeah.
Example: Hey kids! Didn't like Scar's portrayal in the anime version of Fullmetal Alchemist? Didn't like the weirdass ending? Didn't like how Mustang abandoned his dream of becoming fuhrer in the movie? Want more scenes with Ed, Al, Winry, or any combination of the three? Felt Envy wasn't evil enough? I have a solution for you: Read The Freakin' Manga!
Another example: Felt the movie version of Nausicaa wasn't that great? Would you even say it was the O word? (overrated.) Take my advice: Read Thuh Effin Magna!
Here's another one: as much as I love the anime version of Cardcaptor Sakura, do you feel it could have a better ending? Why yes, it does! All you have to do is Read The Fuh Keeng Manga!
This could almost become a catchphrase of mine.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Laziness is affecting me
I watched an anime series on Funimation's youtube channel. One that didn't make me recoil in disgust, despite being bloody as Hell.
Blue Gender.
It's very good. Also, it's not kid-safe. It's not even safe for younger teens. Damn, those things are scary. Of course, if I know anime fans, they won't care about the action and horror scenes of Blue Gender, but rather, the borderline-hentai scenes. (LOL! NEKKID BEWB SHOTS! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!) I'm too lazy to go into full detail, but if you don't mind the intense violence, (and the vulgarity) try out Blue Gender. Also, it has one of the best English dubs ever.
FUCK DUB HATERS!!!!!!!!!!
Blue Gender Final Score: 9 out of 10. Yeah, it's that good.
In other news . . .
I got something on DVD recently. You wanna know what it is?
The entirety of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Who saw that coming?
Well, until the second half of Death Note comes out in a box set, I have no other anime show I want to collect at the moment. Suffice to say, Haruhi on DVD is something else. The dance is smoother than ever before, and the coloring is some of the most beautiful I've ever seen in a work of animation. Now, I know, I, unlike every-fucking-body else on the internet, prefer CGI over cel animation. (Pfft. Conformists.) However, I will admit, hand-drawn cels have one major advantage over CGI; they make better use of color. You can really see that in the Haruhi DVDs.
In fact, there is a teaser trailer for Lucky Star on one of the discs. Although Lucky Star obviously didn't have the budget Haruhi did, that snippet of LS I saw on DVD was way more colorful than the . . . um . . . internet broadcasts I have seen. Miyuki-chan's hair was so bright, it nearly blinded me.
But yeah. I can watch Haruhi on my widescreen tv now. I'm so lucky.
By the way, why do I prefer CGI over cels? Mainly because CGI animation is smoother, and it makes better use of lighting and shadowing. If you've seen Kung Fu Panda, then you know what I'm talking about.
In even other news . . .
Question: If brown is my favorite hair color, and black is my second favorite hair color, then what's my third favorite hair color?
Answer: Pink. I blame Arche Klaine from Tales of Phantasia for making me gush over pink-haired girls. But I can't help myself! Arche is just so cute! Yeah, I know it's a fake hair color, but so what!? It's cute!
Blue Gender.
It's very good. Also, it's not kid-safe. It's not even safe for younger teens. Damn, those things are scary. Of course, if I know anime fans, they won't care about the action and horror scenes of Blue Gender, but rather, the borderline-hentai scenes. (LOL! NEKKID BEWB SHOTS! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!) I'm too lazy to go into full detail, but if you don't mind the intense violence, (and the vulgarity) try out Blue Gender. Also, it has one of the best English dubs ever.
FUCK DUB HATERS!!!!!!!!!!
Blue Gender Final Score: 9 out of 10. Yeah, it's that good.
In other news . . .
I got something on DVD recently. You wanna know what it is?
The entirety of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Who saw that coming?
Well, until the second half of Death Note comes out in a box set, I have no other anime show I want to collect at the moment. Suffice to say, Haruhi on DVD is something else. The dance is smoother than ever before, and the coloring is some of the most beautiful I've ever seen in a work of animation. Now, I know, I, unlike every-fucking-body else on the internet, prefer CGI over cel animation. (Pfft. Conformists.) However, I will admit, hand-drawn cels have one major advantage over CGI; they make better use of color. You can really see that in the Haruhi DVDs.
In fact, there is a teaser trailer for Lucky Star on one of the discs. Although Lucky Star obviously didn't have the budget Haruhi did, that snippet of LS I saw on DVD was way more colorful than the . . . um . . . internet broadcasts I have seen. Miyuki-chan's hair was so bright, it nearly blinded me.
But yeah. I can watch Haruhi on my widescreen tv now. I'm so lucky.
By the way, why do I prefer CGI over cels? Mainly because CGI animation is smoother, and it makes better use of lighting and shadowing. If you've seen Kung Fu Panda, then you know what I'm talking about.
In even other news . . .
Question: If brown is my favorite hair color, and black is my second favorite hair color, then what's my third favorite hair color?
Answer: Pink. I blame Arche Klaine from Tales of Phantasia for making me gush over pink-haired girls. But I can't help myself! Arche is just so cute! Yeah, I know it's a fake hair color, but so what!? It's cute!
Monday, February 2, 2009
But first, this newsbreak
Yesterday, I vented about magical girl anime that isn't Cardcaptor Sakura. I reminded myself of the inanity that is Sailor Moon.
But, much like with that Code Geass fanfic, I found hope.
A link at tvtropes pointed me here. A parody of Sailor Moon basically."Do you love Sailor Moon?" Hell no. "Then this site is for you." I'm having my doubts. "Do you hate Sailor Moon?" Fuck yeah! "Then this site is for you." Hey, I hate the DBZ anime and manga, but that didn't stop me from liking DBZ Abridged. So I checked it out.
Now my cheeks ache.
Dude, I need to get a soundbyte from episode 3 when Serena is eating donuts. That is the funniest orgasm I've ever heard. I've only seen up to episode 8 right now, but this is right up there with Yu-Gi-Oh abridged and DBZ Abridged man.
No, this isn't the anime I've been watching. That will come later.
In other news, I'm taking a break from Lunar. Power leveling does tire me out after a while. Rest assured, I will return to it in due time.
Speaking of yu-gi-oh . . .
Attention, Duelists! My hair is laughing its ass off at SMA!
Oh, also, I know little kuriboh only did it for one episode, but Eva Abridged was effin hilarious.
"OWNED!"
But, much like with that Code Geass fanfic, I found hope.
A link at tvtropes pointed me here. A parody of Sailor Moon basically."Do you love Sailor Moon?" Hell no. "Then this site is for you." I'm having my doubts. "Do you hate Sailor Moon?" Fuck yeah! "Then this site is for you." Hey, I hate the DBZ anime and manga, but that didn't stop me from liking DBZ Abridged. So I checked it out.
Now my cheeks ache.
Dude, I need to get a soundbyte from episode 3 when Serena is eating donuts. That is the funniest orgasm I've ever heard. I've only seen up to episode 8 right now, but this is right up there with Yu-Gi-Oh abridged and DBZ Abridged man.
No, this isn't the anime I've been watching. That will come later.
In other news, I'm taking a break from Lunar. Power leveling does tire me out after a while. Rest assured, I will return to it in due time.
Speaking of yu-gi-oh . . .
Attention, Duelists! My hair is laughing its ass off at SMA!
Oh, also, I know little kuriboh only did it for one episode, but Eva Abridged was effin hilarious.
"OWNED!"
Sunday, February 1, 2009
I done a bad thing
I saw part of an anime series fansubbed . . . a series that is now out on North American DVD.
I feel dirty.
Thing is, though, this series does not warrant the hype. I don't dislike it, though, so like FLCL and the tv version of Rurouni Kenshin, it doesn't bother me enough to make me wanna lash out hatred at it. On the other hand, it didn't really entertain me at all, either. So, what could I be referring to now?
Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha.
Quick version: those negative reviews on the ANN? (yes, there's more than one. See also the 'shelf life' review.) I totally agree with them.
Long version: I saw the first five episode of season one of Nanoha. Amazingly, the fansub quality was like that of a professional subtitling. After episode five, I lost all interest. The main flaw of Nanoha is that it is boring. Bee. Oh. Are. Eye. In. Jee. BOOOO-OOOOO-OOOO-REEEEEENG! Boring characters, extremely formulaic plot, lame action sequences, it amazes me that the series has run for three seasons so far. You know what it's like? It's like Cardcaptor Sakura, but with all of the fun, charm, and heart sucked out of it. For once, I actually found myself agreeing with the majority of the Youtube commentors. "Dude, this is nothing more than a ripoff of Cardcaptor Sakura."
And, ya know, I gotta say, why is there sexual fanservice in Nanoha? It's pretty bad that some of it could also be considered lolicon. ("LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! xm watched another shoujo series! He is sucha pedo! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL") It doesn't serve any fucking purpose in the narrative! I'm gonna ask the same question Kyon would; naze? Naze . . . however you say, "why would you insert pointless fanservice in a magical girl series?" Uh . . . naze mahou shoujo anime . . . . . You know what? I print mostly in Modern English for a reason. (namely, I'm monolingual.)
And even then, despite its attempts, it's not even that cute! Nanoha is too mature for a nine year old girl. Her family is just too perfect to be believable, the same for her friends. The ferret guy, who I'm guessing is the mascot, is so boring, nothing like my good friends Mokona, Kero-chan, and Nall. The only vaguely interesting character is Fate, but after having read some info on the tvtropes page, it seems she just becomes a Nanoha clone later on, and Lord knows I need another lifeless person in my tv shows. And getting back to cuteness, I don't like Nanoha's hairstyle. The only time she looks even remotely cute is when she lets her hair down. Those pigtails of hers? Highly unfashionable. The animation outside of the (already dull) action sequences is lackluster, and the music is similarly lame.
But even without the fanservice and the pathetic attempts at being cute, it doesn't matter, because Nanoha is just too boring to be enjoyable. Even the voice actors (in Japanese, no less) sounded bored out of their minds. (according to ANN, the English dub is no better. That sucks.)
So maybe I didn't do a bad thing, after all. I've seen a magical girl series that, while not as disastrous as Sailor Moon, fails at keeping my attention like CCS did.
Oh god, Sailor Moon. Bad, bad memories with that one. I've seen bits of the English version on the Net (for historical purposes), and also, my assfuck "friends" in high school made me watch part of the uncut Japanese version. Yeah, I'm really not surprised I avoided anime between mid 2003 to mid 2007. SM is supposed to be one of the biggest anime franchises of all time, and it sucks this much!?
Oh wait, I'm getting sidetracked. But, Nanoha isn't that much better!
Help me, Sakura-chan! Rescue me from the asininity of SM and the lifelessness of Nanoha! Carry me away from the suckitude with your FLY card!
But fear not, everyone. I found another anime series to watch. I'll tell you about it when I'm finished with it. (Oh! A series he's watching from start to finish! That must mean he likes it!)
I feel dirty.
Thing is, though, this series does not warrant the hype. I don't dislike it, though, so like FLCL and the tv version of Rurouni Kenshin, it doesn't bother me enough to make me wanna lash out hatred at it. On the other hand, it didn't really entertain me at all, either. So, what could I be referring to now?
Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha.
Quick version: those negative reviews on the ANN? (yes, there's more than one. See also the 'shelf life' review.) I totally agree with them.
Long version: I saw the first five episode of season one of Nanoha. Amazingly, the fansub quality was like that of a professional subtitling. After episode five, I lost all interest. The main flaw of Nanoha is that it is boring. Bee. Oh. Are. Eye. In. Jee. BOOOO-OOOOO-OOOO-REEEEEENG! Boring characters, extremely formulaic plot, lame action sequences, it amazes me that the series has run for three seasons so far. You know what it's like? It's like Cardcaptor Sakura, but with all of the fun, charm, and heart sucked out of it. For once, I actually found myself agreeing with the majority of the Youtube commentors. "Dude, this is nothing more than a ripoff of Cardcaptor Sakura."
And, ya know, I gotta say, why is there sexual fanservice in Nanoha? It's pretty bad that some of it could also be considered lolicon. ("LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! xm watched another shoujo series! He is sucha pedo! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL") It doesn't serve any fucking purpose in the narrative! I'm gonna ask the same question Kyon would; naze? Naze . . . however you say, "why would you insert pointless fanservice in a magical girl series?" Uh . . . naze mahou shoujo anime . . . . . You know what? I print mostly in Modern English for a reason. (namely, I'm monolingual.)
And even then, despite its attempts, it's not even that cute! Nanoha is too mature for a nine year old girl. Her family is just too perfect to be believable, the same for her friends. The ferret guy, who I'm guessing is the mascot, is so boring, nothing like my good friends Mokona, Kero-chan, and Nall. The only vaguely interesting character is Fate, but after having read some info on the tvtropes page, it seems she just becomes a Nanoha clone later on, and Lord knows I need another lifeless person in my tv shows. And getting back to cuteness, I don't like Nanoha's hairstyle. The only time she looks even remotely cute is when she lets her hair down. Those pigtails of hers? Highly unfashionable. The animation outside of the (already dull) action sequences is lackluster, and the music is similarly lame.
But even without the fanservice and the pathetic attempts at being cute, it doesn't matter, because Nanoha is just too boring to be enjoyable. Even the voice actors (in Japanese, no less) sounded bored out of their minds. (according to ANN, the English dub is no better. That sucks.)
So maybe I didn't do a bad thing, after all. I've seen a magical girl series that, while not as disastrous as Sailor Moon, fails at keeping my attention like CCS did.
Oh god, Sailor Moon. Bad, bad memories with that one. I've seen bits of the English version on the Net (for historical purposes), and also, my assfuck "friends" in high school made me watch part of the uncut Japanese version. Yeah, I'm really not surprised I avoided anime between mid 2003 to mid 2007. SM is supposed to be one of the biggest anime franchises of all time, and it sucks this much!?
Oh wait, I'm getting sidetracked. But, Nanoha isn't that much better!
Help me, Sakura-chan! Rescue me from the asininity of SM and the lifelessness of Nanoha! Carry me away from the suckitude with your FLY card!
But fear not, everyone. I found another anime series to watch. I'll tell you about it when I'm finished with it. (Oh! A series he's watching from start to finish! That must mean he likes it!)
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