And now, the fanfic sequel nobody asked for: the second (and last) part of Rebuild of the End of Shin Seiki Evangelion: Angelic Girlfriend of Steel Days @ Ikari Raising Academy! Yaaaaaay!
Once again, although most of the written text is in English, unless where otherwise noted, it's assumed the characters are speaking in Japanese. However, I did leave a few words in their native Japanese, and native German . . . Let's get with the show.
{The scene is Misato’s apartment. Misato Katsuragi is in her shorts, relaxing on the couch, fanning herself with a paper fan. She looks exhausted from heat. Asuka Langley Soryu is in her shorts, going around the apartment, cleaning up after Misato’s countless messes. As she moves around, she converses with Misato.}
[Asuka] *while doing chores* It’s repulsive, it’s really repulsive! I don’t see what Rei sees in Shinji! That boy’s got more complexes than Oedipus Rex! He turns into a wide-eyed little boy whenever his mom’s around, and he’s always bitching about how awful his dad is! Not only that, but he’s sexually confused too! I heard Hikari say that Shinji has the hots for Kaworu, but apparently, he can’t decide between him, Rei, and his own mom!
[Misato] *fanning herself* Ugh, it’s so hot. I’m too tired to even get up and get a brew.
[Asuka] Have you even been listening to a word I said!?
[Misato] Of course, you hate Shin-chan. That’s perfectly normal for roommates.
{The doorbell rings. Misato forces herself up.}
[Misato] I’ll get that.
[Asuka] But a moment ago, you just said,
{Misato opens the door leading outside. The person who rang the doorbell is Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu, Asuka’s mom.}
[Misato] Katsuragi residence, what can I get for you on this blazing scorcher of a day?
[Kyoko] Excuse me, is there someone living here by the name of Asuka Langley Soryu?
[Misato] Oh yeah, she’s one of my pet Pilots. *turns to face Asuka* Hey, Asuka-chan, someone’s here for you.
[Asuka] Oh really? Who could it be?
{Asuka sees it is her mother. Suddenly, her eyes go wide, and she smiles a large smile.}
[Asuka] MOMMY! *running to Kyoko* MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! *embraces Kyoko* Oh Mommy, I missed you so much!
[Kyoko] Oh wow, is that really you, Asuka? You’re still as rambunctious as ever! Let me get a better look at you.
{Asuka steps away, now holding Kyoko’s hands.}
[Kyoko] Aww, you’ve become really beautiful!
{Asuka giggles with her eyes closed. Misato whispers something into Asuka’s ear.}
[Misato] And what was all that talk about Shinji having a mother complex? Seems like you’re rather enjoying your mommy.
{Asuka briefly frowns and narrows her eyes at Misato.}
[Asuka] (in a whisper) You be quiet.
{Asuka smiles and widens her eyes again, then faces her mother.}
[Kyoko] So, what have you been up to, sweetheart?
[Asuka] Oh lots of things! But before I get into that, I just wanna say, *closes her eyes* that I’m so happy to see you again! In fact, I’m so happy, I wanna run around and tell the whole city!
{Asuka dashes out of the apartment, absolutely full of energy.}
[Asuka] *whilst running* WHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
[Misato] Hey wait, you forgot your shoes! Oh well, don’t come complaining to me when your bare feet get bruised and bloodied.
[Kyoko] So who are you supposed to be, Asuka’s caretaker?
[Misato] Caretaker, bodyguard, immediate superior, sorority girl, I do it all.
{About a minute later, Asuka shows up, still driven by limitless energy and happiness. She performs a series of cartwheels and tumbles on her way back.}
[Kyoko] Oh, you’re still of energy as ever!
[Asuka] *giggles* I know! It’s my greatest attribute!
{The scene is now the streets of Tokyo-3. Shinji Ikari and Kensuke Aida are walking to school.}
[Kensuke] So, looking forward to school today?
[Shinji] *sighs* Not really.
[Kensuke] Yeah, I know the novelty wears out at first, but still.
{Shinji and Kensuke arrive at school. Shinji sees a series of Evangelions performing what look like physical education classes. Shinji looks startled.}
[Shinji] (thinking to himself) What the.
[Kensuke] But still, when they finally admitted that our school was actually a military academy for Eva pilots, I exploded in a pile of my own excitement!
[Shinji] Indeed.
{Shinji and Kensuke go into their homeroom class. They seat themselves.}
[Kensuke] Hey Shinji-kun, I’ll bet you can’t guess what I’m thinking about!
[Shinji] I don’t know, the ending to Metal Gear Solid 4 that’s so long, it could’ve been packaged as a stand alone movie in of itself?
[Kensuke] Whoa! It’s like you’re in my head! How’d you know!?
[Shinji] You always obsess over military stuff. I wouldn’t be the least bit shocked to think you’d like a game like that.
[Kensuke] Oh yeah? What about you? What are you thinking about?
[Shinji] My thoughts are none of your business.
{Suddenly, Shinji daydreams about Asuka. Asuka is staring at him, looking very angry.}
[Asuka] That’s probably because all you fantasize about is having a threesome with me and Wonder Doll. What? You’d think I’d forget about that time where you chose both of us? How characteristically perverse of you, baka Shinji. You make me disgusted with my own feelings for you! scheiße!
{Shinji, getting back to reality, looks shaken up, like Asuka really was yelling at him. Kensuke looks worried.}
[Kensuke] What’s wrong? Did I strike a nerve or something?
[Shinji] Uh, no. It’s nothing.
{Later that day after school, in a club room was Rei, Asuka, and Kaworu. Rei was presiding over them, for she was going to make a speech. She looks nervous, and is showing a nervous smile.}
[Rei] Hi everyone! Welcome to the I Love Shinji Club! Since I am the founder and current leader of the I Love Shinji Club, I’ll go first. My name is Rei Ayanami, and I love Shinji Ikari. *sighs out of happiness* I don’t know what it was about him that made me fall instantly in love with him. Perhaps it was the innocence in his eyes. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s a borderline bishounen. Or maybe it’s because he’s kawaii! Whatever the case, my attraction to him was instantaneous. However, in due time, I learned that my love for Shinji-kun wasn’t because of his looks; it was because of his character. He seems unimpressive: his grades are average, he’s not very talkative, and when he does talk, he seems to complain about things not worth complaining about. And yet, the thing is, he’s not like the other boys on campus. He’s very mature for his age. He’s almost like a grownup in a short 14 year old boy’s body. Maybe that contrast makes him all the more adorable! *giggles* He’s thoughtful about other people, which is weird, ‘cause most people are so selfish, it’s sickening. Not Shinji-kun, though. He actually listens to you when you speak! He actually remembers to give you a present for White Day! *narrows her eyes, giving her a love struck look* And although he doesn’t smile very often, when he does smile, it’s so genuine, I can’t help but melt! *closes her eyes completely* Awwwww, I wanna hold him in my arms! I wanna tell him he’s special! I wanna just run away with him and, *opens her eyes, then blushes out of embarrassment* Oh! And thus concludes my speech. If any of you wanna talk about my darling Shinji, please do so now.
{Rei sits down. Asuka goes up to present. She doesn’t look very amused, nor happy to be presenting.}
[Asuka] Hi, I’m Asuka Langley Soryu, and I love Shinji Ikari.
[Rei] SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
[Asuka] Well, I don’t know if “love” is the right word for it, but for whatever reason, I can’t stop thinking about him. Personally, there are some things about him that I can’t stand. Whenever I try to talk to him about anything, he’s like, “my dad this” and “my dad that.” And he always rejects my come-ons, too! And yet, on the other hand, he’s the best Eva pilot in the whole school! Well, not counting me, of course. He’s an absolute badass in an Eva, yet you wouldn’t know that from seeing how meek he is outside of the Evas. So why then do I find myself obsessing over him? Maybe it’s because we have a lot in common, aside from how much he sucks and how awesome I am. Maybe what I see in him is that we could be a warrior couple; he could be the Viking, and I could be the Valkyrie. Maybe that’s it. But for whatever reason, I find myself drawn to him more than all the other boys.
{Asuka sits down. She looks relieved to be finished.}
[Asuka] *sighs* I only did this because Rei dragged me here. (To Rei) Okay, now that I presented, you don’t get to mooch off my homework for a week now!
[Rei] *smiling with her eyes closed* Fair enough!
{Kaworu goes up to speak. He is showing his nondescript smile.}
[Kaworu] Hello, my name is Kaworu Nagisa, and I love Shinji Ikari.
[Rei] I FULLY SUPPORT SHONEN-AI!!!!!!
[Kaworu] Before I start, I just want to point out that miss Soryu’s claim that she is “the best Eva pilot in school” is erroneous. She is actually the second worst Eva pilot in the school.
[Asuka] *looking furious* WHAT DID YOU SAY!? YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
[Kaworu] There is no need for me to retract my statement. It is the truth; as of today, you have the second lowest sync rate out of all the Eva pilots. You score even lower than Misato-sensei’s pet penguin. In fact, the only person worse than you is that hack whose family name is Anno-
[Asuka] -Why don’t you drop this subject right now, BEFORE I DROP YOU!
[Kaworu] Fair enough. This is a convention for those attracted to Shinji, not an outlining of Asuka’s faults.
{Asuka is grinding her teeth in frustration.}
[Kaworu] Now, my reasons for loving Shinji are simple. Out of all the Eva pilots, he shows the most promise. Yet, at the same time, he is very frail. Physically frail, mentally frail, and emotionally frail. Not only that, he has a desire to please those around him, at his own expense. This makes him very easy to manipulate. I can win his trust with the greatest of ease. It’s simple, just treat him with decency, and he’ll throw himself at you! His skills as an Eva pilot, coupled with his desperation for love and acceptance, make him irresistible for me, although, you must keep in mind, my love for Shinji is different from yours. I love him for he will prove useful for my . . . plans.
[Asuka] Plans? What plans?
[Kaworu] I can’t disclose that information at this time. Suffice to say, my love for Shinji is not out of a desire to “jump his bones”, but rather, because he will assist me in carrying out something I’ve been wanting to carry out for a long time. That is all.
[Rei] (looks confused) Oooooooooooooooooo-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
{Meanwhile, on the surface of Earth’s Moon.}
[Bardiel] This sucks.
[Zeruel] I know.
[Arael] Thirded.
[Armisael] At least when we were on Earth, we got to do shit. Now, all we can do is float around, and talk. What a meaningless existence; we just stand around, and talk!
[Bardiel] Dude, did you just make a reference to Red versus Blue?
[Armisael] I don’t know, did I?
[Ramiel] It must be that one Author again, the American one. He must be controlling us again. Leliel, are you hearing the thoughts of whoever stranded us here?
[Leliel] Indeed I am. You know what he’s saying? Listen to this, “It is not in my nature to derail previously set characterizations in my fanfiction. I respect the original canon as much as I can. In doing so, I don’t create new characters, and I avoid a few pitfalls common in fanfiction. That said, I do put my own twists in it. For example, in my Tales of Legendia fanfic, I shipped Senel and Chloe, because I feel they are a better pair than Senel and Shirley. Also, I killed off Norma, not because she got between Senel and Chloe, which she didn’t, but only because I have wanted to kill her for so long. God, that felt good! Concerning my Eva fanfic, the only major change I really made was I made the Angels talk and live on the Moon, though I only did this for comedic purposes. That said, I am gonna ship Shinji with someone. Who should Shinji end up with, in my opinion? Read on and find out!”
[Sandalphon] Hey wait, did he say we were all for comedic purposes, like a clown? Is he calling us Angels, is he calling us clowns!?
[Sahaquiel] Hey wait, concerning our past, the Author currently controlling us has been rather conservative with his powers, don’t you think? Most authors who were not those original Japanese authors have a tendency to turn the one called Shinji Ikari into a fearless young man who never backs down from a challenge. Not only that, some of these Authors like to invent people from out of nowhere, and these new people always seem to enter into a sexual relationship with either the one named Rei Ayanami or the one named Asuka Langley Soryu. Not only that, these people from out of nowhere seem to make the entire world revolve around them. I don’t see any of that here. This Author is rather restrained, no?
[Leliel] “What? Are you saying I’m not audacious enough? Well gosh, I apologize for not succumbing to the errors common for inexperienced writers. Yeah, I mean, it’s true I’m using Leliel as my Author Avatar, but you should be thankful only he has my character voice. Would you like it if you and everyone else had the same voice as me? You all spoke the same dialogue in the same manner as me? Do ya? ‘Cause I’m good enough to know that different characters always have a different way with words.”
[Israfel] Yeah, I think it’s pretty strange that only one of us is talking like the Author. Hey, Author, if we’re nothing but comic relief to you, then stop pretending you understand the nuances of character voice, and render us all your Avatars.
[Leliel] “Okay, fine. See if I care.”
[Sachiel] “I love macaroni and cheese!”
[Shamshel] “Colonel Jade Curtiss is my homeboy!”
[Ramiel] “Math 90 sucks!”
[Gaghiel] “If I wrote a Chobits fanfic, I’d ship Hideki and Chitose, ‘cause he totally deserves a babe like her!”
[Israfel] “Maim, kill, burn! MAIM, KILL, BURN!”
[Sandalphon] “Sakaki is hot!”
[Matariel] “So is Asagi!”
[Sahaquiel] “Did you know, a lifetime ago, I was a fan of Pokemon? Not anymore, though. Pokefans these days are mainly hardcore gamers who still have the time and patience to create a level 100 party. I don’t. It also doesn’t help that Pokefans face a lot of discrimination in American culture now. Since renouncing my Pokefandom, I’d say about 12 less assholes have called me a ‘gay fag’ for liking Pokemon. It also doesn’t help that I was only a fan of the games. I hate the Pokemon anime, then and now. Even without 4Kids’ edits, the Pokemon anime still sucks like you cannot believe. Oh well. Pokemon had its moment in the spotlight. And so did I, considering that for a brief time, it was actually ‘cool’ to like Pokemon, and for a brief time, I actually went along with popular opinion, and was not hated for it! 1999 was a fuckin’ weird year to be alive, that’s for sure.”
[Bardiel] “You wanna know what I can’t wait for? BIOSHOCK 2! I love saying that.”
[Zeruel] “Cowboy Bebop is overrated!”
[Arael] “You may be asking yourselves, why am I referring mostly to Japanese pop culture in these messages of mine? Well, gee, did it ever occur to that you’re reading a fanfic based off a Japanese cartoon series? And a Japanese comic book series? And at least two dating sims that I’m aware of? I just thought I’d give you a friendly reminder.”
[Armisael] “I’M THE ARMISAEL, BITCH!”
[Leliel] “There, are you happy now? Are you happy? Don’t tell me you’re not happy, ‘cause I certainly am not!”
[Iruel] Hey wait, how come I didn’t become a mouthpiece for the Author?
[Bardiel] Because no one likes your style.
[Iruel] What? Just because I didn’t fight the Evas and have no actual image?
[Matariel] Exactly.
[Iruel] Hey wait! I just heard the Author say something!
[Israfel] Oh really? What’d he say?
[Iruel] “FUCK SLAYERS!”
[Zeruel] Uh, okay, little man.
{the scene is now inside of a fancy restaurant. Shinji and Asuka are seated at a table, facing each other. They both look like they are in their mid-20's. Shinji is wearing a black tuxedo, and Asuka is wearing a purple dress. A waiter comes and takes their order. The waiter leaves. Asuka begins to speak.}
[Asuka] Isn’t it amazing?
[Shinji] Yeah, this place is really beautiful. The service has been nothing short of fantastic, and even the live music is great.
[Asuka] Not the restaurant, silly! I meant us! I was just thinking, it’s really amazing, everything that’s happened to us. We’ve been through a lot, and I mean a lot. Where most people have had a little rain in their lives, we had freakin’ hurricanes. At regular intervals. It’s a miracle that we’re even still alive, and with all of our appendages still semi-attached. I know I really should be grateful, and, I guess I’m being more grateful now.
[Shinji] Yeah, I get what you’re saying. It’s really miraculous that we’re still here, after everything.
[Asuka] If you ask me, I think we and the other Eva pilots were the greatest heroes in history!
[Shinji] Uh, I’m not so sure about that.
[Asuka] Why must you be so modest all the time!? Is that some Japanese thing again?
[Shinji] I’m not sure, actually.
[Asuka] Well I’m just glad everything worked out fine. We’ve lost a lot of good people in our lives, and yet, everything is smooth sailing now. I wouldn’t mind if we got married and moved in together and had kids now.
[Shinji] *blushing, with a nervous smile* R-Really!?
[Asuka] Oh yeah. I knew there was something special about you when we first met. It took a long time, but, I think you’ve realized your true potential now.
[Shinji] *still blushing with a nervous smile* Oh Asuka, you’re making my face redden!
[Asuka] *smiling with her eyes closed* I am good at that. *opens her eyes* Then again, I think it’s only natural that anyone who survives the apocalypse will come out totally awesome. (In German) “That which does not kill me can only make me stronger.”
[Shinji] *looking confused* Uh, can you repeat that in Japanese? I’m still having a hard time learning German, remember?
[Asuka] *glancing at something* Hey look! Our food’s ready!
{Shinji and Asuka eat their meal. When they are finished, they look satisfied.}
[Asuka] Wow, I’m stuffed! It was worth every bite, though!
{Shinji ignores her, looking away.}
[Asuka] Hey, Shinji, look at me when I talk.
[Shinji] Is this real?
[Asuka] Huh? Where’s this coming from?
[Shinji] This restaurant, the food, me and you, is all of this real? Or is this just another consequence of the Third Impact?
[Asuka] Whuh, Third Impact? Don’t be a dummkopf, Shinji! Human Instrumentality failed; everything’s gone back to normal!
[Shinji] (looking surprised) Really!? Are you serious!?
[Asuka] Of course I’m serious! What, did someone not leave you a note or something?
[Shinji] Uh, I guess not. But, if we really aren’t experiencing Human Instrumentality anymore, then that means I can’t get away with THIS! *looks away* HI MOM!
{There is an awkward pause.}
[Shinji] Hey, she didn’t show up.
[Asuka] I told you, Human Instrumentality is over. Apparently, that sort of thing could only work if every last human being alive agreed to live in Instrumentality, but that wasn’t the case, so eventually, we all ended up back in the real world, for lack of a better phrase. Why are you only picking up on this now?
[Shinji] I don’t know. I guess, I guess I just got so sick of my life that I ran away, and didn’t want to come back for so long, but, now I realize, everything that’s happened in the past is, well, in the past. The future doesn’t have to be like the past. Hey, I just realized something, you and me, how long have we been, together?
[Asuka] Well, ever since you told Rei that you can’t be with her, on account of her being a relative of yours, you quickly hooked up with me.
[Shinji] Hey, did you just refer to Rei-chan by her actual name!?
[Asuka] *blushing* Uh, what’s that supposed to mean!?
[Shinji] It means you don’t hate Rei anymore! That’s awfully nice of you!
[Asuka] Well, to be honest, when she learned that you were going out with me, I feared that she would’ve killed herself. She really loved you, like, a lot. But, she took it really well. She even found someone else!
[Shinji] Really? Who?
{Cut to inside some random house. Rei, looking to be in her mid 20's, is sitting on a couch. She is wearing a robe.}
[Rei] Honey, could you come in here and give me a back rub? My muscles are stiff.
{Suddenly, a very enthusiastic Kensuke comes into the room.}
[Kensuke] Already on it!
{Back to the restaurant.}
[Asuka] Yeah, it seems crazy, but it’s true. Unfortunately, anybody who died before the Third Impact didn’t come back, like Ryoji, and Toji. Hikari’s still single, ya know.
[Shinji] Yeah.
[Asuka] But now we can look forward to new challenges, like marriage, kids, getting life insurance policy.
[Shinji] Uh, you seem pretty forward with the idea of us getting married.
[Asuka] What? You don’t want to?
[Shinji] Uh, it’s not that! Yes, I do wanna spend the rest of my life with you, Asuka. It’s just, just, overwhelming, I guess is the best way to put it.
[Asuka] Yeah. I was nervous about telling you, myself. So, you wanna go back home?
[Shinji] Sure.
{Shinji and Asuka step outside. A limousine is waiting for them. Shinji is surprised.}
[Shinji] A-A limo!?
[Asuka] We’re heroes, Shinji! We have the respect of everyone in the world now! Come on; let’s get going already!
{Shinji and Asuka get in the limousine. It is driven off to an unknown location. Shinji looks out of the window and at the stars of the night sky. Asuka lays her head on Shinji’s shoulder. Shinji sees this, and smiles.}
[Shinji] The nightmare is finally over.
[Asuka] All we needed was time. Time to heal. Time to get over our neuroses.
[Shinji] Maybe so. It’s seems funny; I never looked forward to anything in life. I always had my mind in the present. Well, I still do, but now, now I see the future too, and it’s comforting, in a way.
[Asuka] Shinji, your words are ruining the moment.
[Shinji] Huh?
[Asuka] Please, don’t talk. I just want to enjoy this moment with you.
[Shinji] Sure.
{Asuka closes her eyes in bliss. The limo keeps driving off.}
The End.
P.S. Speaking of fanfics, the Code Geass fanfic I love has updated since I last talked about it. Read that after you read my piece.
