Remember that analogy I told you? The one I read on a messageboard? "Merely posting your opinion on the internet will offend somebody. Your opinions are like grenades, and your anonymity is like your personal bunker." I wanna get back to that analogy.
Also, keep this in mind; when I was young(er) and foolhardy to play online games, one I played was Team Fortress Classic for Half-Life. Now, I know, TF2 is now the game of choice, but at that time, if you weren't playing Counter-Strike, you were playing TFC. My point is, I remember trying out all the different grenades in TFC.
Good thing, too, because my opinions vary on their "deadliness."
For example, whenever I say, "FUCK SLAYERS!" I'm lobbing an imaginary incendiary. Those things are dangerous, man, they explode on contact. (I would know; I got caught in incendiary blasts in Resident Evil 4.)
But, if anyone can be offended by an opinion, even a positive opinion, then that means I must have a shitload of opinionated grenades stockpiled here in the "bunker" that is my blog. Yeah, I mean, my favorite fighting game of all time is a PS2 game licensed from Naruto.
"NAIL GRENADE!"
(Nail grenade hovers a few feet off the ground, shoots nails, then explodes.)
And not only that, but I'm still pissed that animenewsnetwork is hosting only the dubbed version of Angelic Layer, when the original Japanese voicetrack is much better.
(concussion grenade explodes.)
Oh. That was only a stun grenade, probably because I said something that dub haters would agree with. But it's true; I saw a snippet of AL in Japanese on youtube, and it sounded better. It sounded like they actually tried.
(Sting grenade explodes)
Ah, see? Another stun grenade. They won't do much if the majority of "real" anime fans agree with me. Okay, better change field of work now; it's true when I said Morrowind was one of the worst games I've played on the original Xbox.
"CLUSTER BOMB!!!!!"
(Cluster bomb explodes; five more grenades appear)
Not only that, but its most popular games, namely Halo and Halo 2, are perhaps the most overrated games of this decade.
(Cluster bombs explode)
But then again, people will back me up on that one. Too bad I can't find many people who agree with me when I say Metal Gear Solid for the PS1 is one of the most overestimated games of all time.
(A steel grenade, as in the kind the German army used during both World Wars, explodes.)
Oh, a German hand grenade! I didn't think I still had those. And, even though neither game approaches perfection, I'll admit, I like Sonic Adventure more than Super Mario 64.
(A hallucinogenic gas grenade falls out of my hand and erupts.)
Yeah, score one for Sega! Hey, wait, why's everything getting blurry all of a sudden?
(looks down, and sees the gas grenade going off.)
Ah, fuck! YOU FOOL! Now I'm in a drunken haze! A purple haze, no less! *stumbles forward, as if he were struck from behind* Shit! Did someone just hit my back with a tire iron!? And, is someone playing a Led Zeppelin song in the background? Sounds like it. Whoa! *duck and covers* Dude, did you see that guy with the minigun!? He just unloaded a volley in my direction! Jesus! It's getting crazy in here! Hey over there, is that, Kirby? Hey Kirb, what brings you back here all of a sudden? I thought you didn't leave Dreamland at this time of year.
"You are a fool, xm0123! You negelcted to mention the fun times you had when you played Kirby's Dreamland 3 and Kirby 64! Those were good games too!"
Yeah, but,
"FALCON PUNCH!"
WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
Good god, man, even Kirb hates me. Hey, wait, everything looks clean again. *phew* Okay, I'm gonna lay off the opinionated grenades right now.
