" . . . I can safely say that the self-styled 'Hardcore' crowd no longer care about playing games that are actually FUN. I can't go on a single gaming forum without finding at least a dozen people who refuse to play any games with bright colors in them. Or any games that don't feature guns. Because those games are 'kiddie games' (which are apparently a terrible thing) or 'casual games' (which apparently, for some reason, are even worse)."
And also this gem:
"This troper read a story on GameSpot about how M-rated games sell better. Many of the comments for the article were along the lines of:
- 'Games that DON'T have blood when people die make me squeamish'
- 'Thanks for stating the obvious: that better games sell better! What's next, the sky is blue?'
- 'I cannot stand the idea of an E-rated game. I want to blow up people and see them explode in gory messes, not stupid kiddy graphics or people bleeding flowers or some shit.'"
Now I feel embarrassed for owning an Xbox 360, since most of its best-selling exclusive games are M-rated, have guns, and are not "gay". (translation: will not offend the sensibilities of homophobic assfucks) The infamous Yathzee pointed this out in his overview of Gears of War 2: a shitload of masculinity, no girly stuff, and yet it's still fun. I agree, I like GOW 2, and I don't even mind the mature content, since it is a gripping depiction of the brutality that is war, but I can't help but notice that all the violence, swearing, uber-masculine characters, and gravelly voice of the main hero was obviously to cater to the 'hardcore' gamers that grew up on Nintendo, then suddenly jumped ship when Microsoft said, "Hey, want bloody games? Buy the Xbox! (and nowadays, add a 360 to the end)" In a sense, it's a brillaint move on Microsoft's part, catering to this audience. Sega and Sony didn't get this much attention from 'mature' gamers (well, Sony did at first, when the original Resident Evil came out for the PS1, but that was a short-lived glory), and even Nintendo's more mature games (like Metroid) don't attract the insecure-in-their-masculinity teen-to-twenty-something male audience like Halo, GOW, Crackdown, and other Xbox offerings do.
It almost seems ironic that I, a guy not obsessed with appearing masculine, chose the 360 over the PS3 and Wii. So then, allow me to be at my most masculine then, addressing the 'hardcore' gamers who believe this shit.
*clears throat*
*blasts Metroid Metal's remix of Kraid's Lair*
Okay dipshits; where exactly does this attitude of "only uber-violent games with guns are good games, everything else sucks" come from? It's a crock of shit! And a logical fallacy to boot! Games don't need to be M-rated to be fun. Games can have bright color scemes and still be great.
You know what your attitude is doing? It's giving gamers a bad image. And that means, by merely associating myself with the video game hobby, people will associate me and my fellow colleagues with homophobic assfucks. Guess what? Not everyone subscribes to your immaturity and your pathetic posturing. Sure, some of my favorite games are M-rated fests I would not play in front of my baby cousins, but on the other hand, some of my favorite games are E-rated, or T-rated.
You know what I'd like to do to you retards? Challenge you to a deathmatch of an M-rated game I'm godlike on; Duke Nukem 3D, the PC version. I double dog dare you fucktards to beat me on D3D. If I win, which I would, I get to confiscate your Xbox Live accounts. If I lose, I'll let you consfiscate all my games that aren't M-rated. How's that?
Of course, I'm not kidding when I say I'm godlike on D3D. I will devour your corpses and shit out victory when I'm through with you!
JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM ANYWAYS!!?!?!?!?!?!?!
That is all.
